Sadly, this is a byproduct of a passivity in relationships that seems to be more pervasive in the Facebook era. You don't need to reach out to your friends anymore, instead, we just consume each other's broadcasts.
A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
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Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#22That was a really good article, and really sad.
This happened to me recently, as well. I hadn't spoke with my best friend from Junior high in years (since I was 18), and I looked him up this past winter... died in Iraq (in 2006!), in an attack on his convoy. The reports were mixed. He either died by gun fire while defending the convoy after the initial attack, which was a road-side bomb, or he died as a result of the road-side bomb. It was the weirdest feeling, because I was sure I could have him on the phone in less than 1 day, and we'd be reminiscing about all the fun times we had back in the day, etc., and have some sort of "let's do that sometime soon" plans before the call was over. I was wrong. What's more, he had a wife and kid, which I never met. If I'd been a better friend, his wife would have had another person to comfort her with anecdotes of his younger days... I was a terrible friend. He was killed while fighting for our country (whether our imperialism is justified or not, our soldiers are important to our country's sovereignty), and I was busy vacationing in the Florida Keys.
Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#23As one of the older folks on HN, I can tell you that death in the age of facebook is strange in that even when they are gone there's still a "there-ness" to them thanks to left over accounts. Its almost like at any moment, a tweet will pop up or an update to a wall... Perhaps that's the 21st century version of seeing ghosts.
And the post-death messages that they like Ikea, or Chipotle, which are spooky, weird and tacky, all at once.
It really gives "famous last words" a whole new meaning since all your tweets and Facebook statuses are forever immortalized. It makes me wonder what seemingly mundane thing will be the last thing people see from me on social media and will in turn be the first thing people see on my page when they find out I'm dead.
It reminds me of Cory Monteith's (from Glee) recent passing. His last tweets were, "what the crap is Sharknado" "oh. IT'S A SHARK TORNADO." Just seems so odd to be remembered that way.
Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#24Be proactive about your health.
lef.org is a great resource even if they are selling stuff to you...
Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#25This is why setting up a deathswitch with a trusted friend to manage your online accounts upon death is critical. Wills are nice and all but I don't trust my close family to be proficient enough to correctly close out my online accounts.
I've long thought of a start up that would offer a kill switch service. Something that you checked into every so often to verify you were still alive (by email, text, or it just monitored your social feeds). If over a custom set period of time 30-365 days, if it hadn't heard anything it would attempt to confirm you're still alive either by notifying you directly or a friend to confirm if you weren't. At which point it will notify services to suspend accounts, or send a list of passwords or account access information to those you trust to handle deactivating your facebook, twitter,or turning it into a memorial of sorts (since I guess your social feeds kind of become a digital memorial of your life). The killer feature even possibly delete sensitive data you don't want relatives seeing on your computer by installing some client app. :P
I don't know I'm surprised a kill switch service like this doesn't exist.
Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#26As one of the older folks on HN, I can tell you that death in the age of facebook is strange in that even when they are gone there's still a "there-ness" to them thanks to left over accounts. Its almost like at any moment, a tweet will pop up or an update to a wall... Perhaps that's the 21st century version of seeing ghosts.
Coping with the death of friends who you've got as "friends" on an online service is… complicated, too. "Unfriending" them feels callous, but keeping them around has its issues too as services happily remind you that their birthday is coming up, or count up the months since you've seen them online.
Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#27I always thought to write instructions about how to delete everything I have on the Internet and ask a relative to share that written instructions to a friend. Now I'm unsure if I want this to happen...
Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#28Sadly, this is a byproduct of a passivity in relationships that seems to be more pervasive in the Facebook era. You don't need to reach out to your friends anymore, instead, we just consume each other's broadcasts.
This was my first thought. If someone dies and you don't know until two years later, they weren't actually your friend. Or maybe, Facebook just has their buttons labeled incorrectly.
Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#29This is why setting up a deathswitch with a trusted friend to manage your online accounts upon death is critical. Wills are nice and all but I don't trust my close family to be proficient enough to correctly close out my online accounts.
Any suggestions on how to actually do this?
Re: A friend died nearly 2 years ago. I had no idea
#30This is why setting up a deathswitch with a trusted friend to manage your online accounts upon death is critical. Wills are nice and all but I don't trust my close family to be proficient enough to correctly close out my online accounts.
I've long thought of a start up that would offer a kill switch service. Something that you checked into every so often to verify you were still alive (by email, text, or it just monitored your social feeds). If over a custom set period of time 30-365 days, if it hadn't heard anything it would attempt to confirm you're still alive either by notifying you directly or a friend to confirm if you weren't. At which point i…
I wrote this for just me a while back, and everyone I talked to about it thought it was morbidly weird. I'm glad there are others who think it isn't, but that might be something a startup had to contend with.