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Stay-at-home dad

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Re: Stay-at-home dad

#91

Post by jasonlotito »

techboots wrote: post #65
leothekim wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You think your coworkers drag you down? You think you're punished for not having kids? You're comparing having children to entrepreneurship? If you really want to know what's wrong in the work place, you need to take a good long look in the mirror.

Yes. Coworkers definitely drag you down - especially those who game the benefits system or who play politics. If you don't see this, wake up and look around your cubicle. And yes, if having a kid grants you 4 months of paid leave... it will definitely feel like punishment for the rest of the single guys stuck in the office. I have a dog and cat I need to take care of. If you get to leave to take care of your kid, I s…

> If you get to leave to take care of your kid, I should get to leave to take care of my pets.

You can. Suggesting otherwise is a flat out lie.

> especially those who game the benefits system or who play politics.

You mean those that take what's offered to them? So…

You don't take pay? You don't vacation?

I mean, we already know you don't think you can leave.

And, maybe the bigger problem is you don't see why companies would want to do this. How it makes the company better as a whole to provide for this.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#92

Post by IzzyMurad »

> being constantly alert

A good or a retarded dad? I am not sure. What trouble a 0-4 month old baby could get into if you put him in a place where he could not fall?

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#93

Post by jasonlotito »

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

> Hey, just because I don't have a kid, doesn't mean I shouldn't get time off - why punish me for that. Not fair. I'll take my time off to work on my own projects.

Go ahead? Who is stopping you?

In fact, if you aren't doing this, you are a worse entrepreneur by far. It's been proven, time and time again, that you need to take time off. You need to step away. You need to leave work.

If you aren't doing this, you're the one dragging the work quality of everyone else around you.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#94

Post by jasonlotito »

techboots wrote: post #49
dogonwheels wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

'I get it'. No. You really don't.

Ok. Let's do this. Let's form a company. We're co-founders, okay? Now. I'm going to have a kid, take 4 months off, and leave work 5pm everyday. How do you feel?

Wow. You really don't get it.

And you've never been a co-founder of any real startup, have you? I mean, I can't imagine anyone who has raised money and hired people and had gone that route to really pose this type of question, especially in this context.

You should take a step back, leave the office, and think about why so many people are telling you that you are flat out wrong.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#95

Post by tokenadult »

avalaunch wrote: post #89
joebeetee wrote: post #54

Whilst I appreciate the discussion points around gender/sexism, I personally have felt more discrimination from the kids / no kids situation, on more than one occasion. I recently interviewed at a large company and did very well on all the questions, connected with the interviewers, had long chats with the recruiter, etc - but didn't get the job. I suspect one of the reasons I didn't get the job was the fact that I m…

Ripped directly from a rejection letter I received: "I think instead of making a more detailed offer, I should consider certain facts. For starters, you have a family and that'll be the driving force behind all your decisions. Secondly, you will not be able to be here in the program with me. Ideally, I want someone who could be here though not necessary. More importantly, it's the family situation I consider. I've wo…

You received a rejection letter that basically lists illegal reasons (in most states I'm aware of) for rejecting you. You were lucky not to get that job, as the boss is clueless about the legal responsibilities of hiring supervisors. You have a basis for a lawsuit there, if you need the money or want to make a point. If you are not litigious (I am not litigious either, so I respect anyone's decision to decline to exercise legal rights), you at least there have tangible evidence that there is some better employer in the world whom you would be better off working for. Good luck in your career. Good on you to think about your family responsibilities while participating in the competitive world of work.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#96

Post by lazyjones »

saraid216 wrote: post #69
enraged_camel wrote: post #50

The part about being viewed suspiciously at the playground was particularly awful. Why is it that we as a society are so fucking fearful? We have an irrational fear of communists, socialists, terrorists, serial killers, sex offenders, and of course, child molesters and abductors. Everyone thinks that there is someone out there who is out to hurt them and their family. Like, that is the default assumption , and people…

Our society is built to promote fear. We're heavily, heavily individualistic and isolationist. Our cultural prime directive is, "Never again!"

I don't think it's society, especially when it's a society in a country that traditionally values freedom and individuals' rights. What is behind this new culture of fear is politics: fear is great for manipulating the masses, most effective when those who promote it can present themselves as a solution.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#97

Post by ccsalvesen »

adrianbye wrote: post #63
cheald wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Speaking as a dad, I hate taking my boys to the playground for the same reason. Moms see "man unaccompanied by woman, must be a predator" - I make a big show out of interacting with my boys and obviously being their father, but it's really grating that it's even necessary at all. As to the culture of fear, I blame local news. It's wall-to-wall with alternating RAPISTS EVERYWHERE and LOOKIT THE CUTE PUPPIES, because t…

this doesn't happen in non feminist countries (ie usually 3rd world).

This doesn't happen here in Norway either. It might have something to do with the (more or less) mandatory 14 week paternity leave.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#98

Post by tokenadult »

jellicle wrote: post #15
cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

It's sad that the top HN comment on this story is sexist bullshit. But I guess not unexpected. But sad.

I suppose you are referring to the parent comment to your comment (but maybe not). As always, the solution to such a problem is to upvote a better comment, or perhaps writing the better commment for the same comment level yourself.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#99

Post by justinsteele »

techboots wrote: post #67
onedev wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

During the early days of LinkedIn, when the company was only 10 or 20 people, people would leave work at 5pm. Start ups don't have to be this arbitrary 24/7 grind. You know how LinkedIn worked in that manner? They focused on work COMPLETELY for those 8 hours and were able to get shit done. I'm sure you'd agree that they've built a very successful company.

Agree. If the guy did try to contribute to work during his paternity leave, I'd respect that. But he didn't. He just kicked back and read "Lean In" in his spare time. His coworkers probably didn't even have the luxury of having enough spare time to read that book.

You honestly think employees at a company that offers 4 months paternity leave don't have enough free time to read a single book? I am struggling to understand if you're trolling, or really don't understand long term productivity and business as much as it seems...

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#100

Post by Tycho »

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

They would probably be relieved if you kept the same hours they did. If you don't have family to go home to you have a competitive advantage in the work place over those who do, as there is probably nothing that needs to take priority over your work.
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