Stay-at-home dad • Hacker News Board

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#21

Post by techboots » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:17 PM UTC

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day.

I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit in a heartbeat, or tone down my work time as well to match. Hey, just because I don't have a kid, doesn't mean I shouldn't get time off - why punish me for that. Not fair. I'll take my time off to work on my own projects.

If you have a family, it may just be better to sit out of the game for a while rather than dragging the work quality of everyone else around you down.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#22

Post by cristianpascu » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:17 PM UTC

Numberwang wrote: post #8

cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

Do you have a good list of what harm LGBT parents are causing children, preferably with references?

I don't think there's clear definition of what "harm" means, and for sure studies themselves can are are and will be hotly debated.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#23

Post by qznc » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:19 PM UTC

joebeetee wrote: post #11

da02 wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have an example of how she handled it differently? (Other than the emotional sitations.) I'm always curious of how others solve situations in a different (ie better) way than I could.

I'm always surprised at how much more patient my wife is with our son than I am. She will constantly engage with him and play with him for much longer than I am able to.

Different here. I am usually more patient. My guess is, because I am working and not around the kid all day.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#24

Post by callmeed » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:19 PM UTC

My 3 youngest were born within the span of 4 years. Any time I'm out with all 3, someone usually says "boy, you've got your hands full!" ... it's odd because (a) I find it quite easy to manage them and (b) no one has ever said that to my wife even though she gets "frazzled" (for lack of a better term) by them easier than I do.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#25

Post by dantheman » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:20 PM UTC

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

Facebook is a large successful company, life is more important, and it's not like a few extra hours or days are going to have a huge impact.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#26

Post by cristianpascu » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:20 PM UTC

3825 wrote: post #20

cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

>There is no gender equality when it comes to what a child needs. A child needs the smile of a mother as much as they need the smile of a father. And one can not replace the other. There is such a heavy statement that I cannot begin to explain how wrong it is. Are you saying that a single parent cannot raise a child on her (or his) own? In the absence of any scientific evidence in your support, I'd say you are absolu…

If you think a single mother raising children is happy, than we don't share the same definition of happiness.

I was raised by a responsible woman married with a very irresponsible man.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#27

Post by phazmatis » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:20 PM UTC

joebeetee wrote: post #11

da02 wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have an example of how she handled it differently? (Other than the emotional sitations.) I'm always curious of how others solve situations in a different (ie better) way than I could.

I'm always surprised at how much more patient my wife is with our son than I am. She will constantly engage with him and play with him for much longer than I am able to.

An interesting but not informative tale.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#28

Post by withad » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:21 PM UTC

jellicle wrote: post #15

cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

It's sad that the top HN comment on this story is sexist bullshit. But I guess not unexpected. But sad.

Sexist and implicitly homophobic. This community really depresses me sometimes.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#29

Post by cristianpascu » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:21 PM UTC

qznc wrote: post #19

cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

So far, I have to disagree. While my wife handles some situations better than me, there are also scenarios, where I can shine. My son is 1.5 years, maybe it will change in the coming years. I believe, mothers usually get a bonding advantage through breast-feeding. That did not work out in our case, so bottle-feeding it was and that can be done by men as well.

There are most certainly cases where I do better. But that only happened as our son grew older.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#30

Post by qznc » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:25 PM UTC

Odd that stay-at-home women label themselves as "not working". I often try to convince my wife and others to proudly answer "mother" when asked for their work. It might not get payed, but it surely is a lot of work.