Stay-at-home dad • Hacker News Board

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#41

Post by qznc » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:32 PM UTC

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

I do not understand you.

Is "entrepreneurs" the new "real men" for you? Employees who leave at 5pm are just "weaklings"?

You want entrepreneurs as coworkers? By definition you can only have one as partner.

How is it unfair? You want sabbaticals for everybody? That I would understand and support.

How are his coworkers punished? How is it "dragging the work quality of everyone else around"?

Isn't "sit out of the game" exactly what he did with his paternal leave?

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#42

Post by joebeetee » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:32 PM UTC

marquis wrote: post #31

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

I hope this comment stays online for the remainder of your life, so when you have a family you love and you see how beneficial it would be if you had more time and home as your children grow, you look back here and feel just a little sheepish. Any company that truly respects people understands that taking a few months of work, or only working part time, does not in any way, at all, degrade the quality of the work. I…

I hope it stays online purely for the comedic gold. Seriously, "techboots" calling out Sheryl Sandberg and Facebook and giving advice for entrepreneurs? "Tone down my work and time as well to match"? Good stuff.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#43

Post by cristianpascu » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:33 PM UTC

cristianpascu wrote: post #26

3825 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>There is no gender equality when it comes to what a child needs. A child needs the smile of a mother as much as they need the smile of a father. And one can not replace the other. There is such a heavy statement that I cannot begin to explain how wrong it is. Are you saying that a single parent cannot raise a child on her (or his) own? In the absence of any scientific evidence in your support, I'd say you are absolu…

If you think a single mother raising children is happy, than we don't share the same definition of happiness. I was raised by a responsible woman married with a very irresponsible man.

I believe it's fair to say the woman do a greater job than they would normally do. There're heros.

But doesn't mean that it's just as good. Given the circumstances, they do their best. The best of all being that they make it possible to their children to grow, at least, healthy enough to be aware and overcome the missing parts of their families.

Needless to say, there are many man+woman families that fuck up their kids. Needless to say.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#44

Post by techboots » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:34 PM UTC

marquis wrote: post #31

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

I hope this comment stays online for the remainder of your life, so when you have a family you love and you see how beneficial it would be if you had more time and home as your children grow, you look back here and feel just a little sheepish. Any company that truly respects people understands that taking a few months of work, or only working part time, does not in any way, at all, degrade the quality of the work. I…

Fully agree, life & family is more important. I think if I really wanted to spend more time with my family, I'd just quit the job rather than trying to play the benefits system to get 4 months of paid leave.

Families get in the way of work. It's just that simple. There's less time to pull all-nighters. Once a company starts encouraging "family people," it becomes a certain type of place. It's a type of place that doesn't really vibe well with entrepreneur-types or young single guys perhaps... but it may be the perfect sort of place for family types. Like Microsoft or Cisco. Facebook is becoming like that. It's not necessarily bad for everyone.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#45

Post by marquis » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:36 PM UTC

techboots wrote: post #44

marquis wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hope this comment stays online for the remainder of your life, so when you have a family you love and you see how beneficial it would be if you had more time and home as your children grow, you look back here and feel just a little sheepish. Any company that truly respects people understands that taking a few months of work, or only working part time, does not in any way, at all, degrade the quality of the work. I…

Fully agree, life & family is more important. I think if I really wanted to spend more time with my family, I'd just quit the job rather than trying to play the benefits system to get 4 months of paid leave. Families get in the way of work. It's just that simple. There's less time to pull all-nighters. Once a company starts encouraging "family people," it becomes a certain type of place. It's a type of place that doe…

>"Families get in the way of work. It's just that simple"

I'm really sorry for your way of life, I really am. I mean that in the nicest possible way, that I hope you find that there is a beautiful, loving world outside the office, that informs your work and why you are working.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#46

Post by k-mcgrady » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:36 PM UTC

cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

>> "There is no gender equality when it comes to what a child needs. A child needs the smile of a mother as much as they need the smile of a father. And one can not replace the other."

I kind of get what you mean but I don't think you've expressed it properly. I think the real important thing is that having multiple parental figures is a good thing. In some families the mother can provide better emotional support and the father brings things to the relationship the mother doesn't. If the parents are homosexual they can still both bring different things to the parent/child relationship which complement each other. Children of single parents often have Aunts/Uncles that care for them and are as much a part of their life as a parent.

Basically having multiple parental figures who's natural roles complement each other is best.

NB: I'm not a parent so I could be completely wrong.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#47

Post by cristianpascu » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:36 PM UTC

enraged_camel wrote: post #37

cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

>>In the past 10 years there were countless cases where my wife handled things entirely differently then myself. Specially the emotionally relevant things, which are extremely important at early stages of child development. This is more about your own inability to properly handle those situations requiring emotional involvement than a commentary on what fathers in general can or cannot provide. You are, after all, on…

Some opinions have fancy [numbers] after, other don't. They should be taken as such. Call me sexist if you will.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#48

Post by networked » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:37 PM UTC

One thing we as a society owe to a stay-at-home dad is, out of all things, cyberpunk. William Gibson famously found his interest in science fiction renewed and began to write while staying at home with his first child.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#49

Post by techboots » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:40 PM UTC

dogonwheels wrote: post #35

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

'I get it'. No. You really don't.

Ok. Let's do this.

Let's form a company. We're co-founders, okay?

Now. I'm going to have a kid, take 4 months off, and leave work 5pm everyday. How do you feel?

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#50

Post by enraged_camel » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:40 PM UTC

The part about being viewed suspiciously at the playground was particularly awful.

Why is it that we as a society are so fucking fearful? We have an irrational fear of communists, socialists, terrorists, serial killers, sex offenders, and of course, child molesters and abductors. Everyone thinks that there is someone out there who is out to hurt them and their family. Like, that is the default assumption, and people's subsequent behaviors (such as pulling their kid closer) is based on it.

A non-parent man sitting at a playground bench and reading his paper is very, very likely to get the cops called on him, even though he's on public property. Is this right?