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I Know What You Think of Me

opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com

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Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#61

Post by rmrfrmrf »

rayiner wrote: post #18
nostromo wrote: post #13

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…

> The truth is you probably spend a lot less time in people's thoughts than you think you do. There is a clinical term for this phenomenon.

Egocentrism.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#62

Post by incision »

I like to think I became pretty adept and being unconcerned about other's opinions and honest yet selective about voicing my own relatively early on.

Though I was quite happy internally and I do believe it was a net win socially, living that way isn't without its own problems.

As a result, I've had to learn to feign back the other way to some degree.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#63

Post by robryan »

Dove wrote: post #40

I’ve often thought that the single most devastating cyberattack [would be] simply to simultaneously make every e-mail and text ever sent universally public. . . . . the fabric of society would instantly evaporate, every marriage, friendship and business partnership dissolved. I don't think it would be quite that bad. There are some people who lie to everyone, but there are also some people who are decent and honest.…

As someone who doesn't engage in much personal gossip I would focus on the business relationships aspect. There is often a lot of nuance in these relationships and talking to them in one way and internally in another. That is not to say you are screwing them over but read out of context by the other party could damage the relationship.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#64

Post by Isamu »

Udo wrote: post #26
nostromo wrote: post #13

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…

Just for fun, I'd like to throw in my opposite experience. A few years ago I was quite active on FB, you know, posting random thoughts and music videos and stuff like that. The stuff I posted was indeed random, just things I liked and wanted to share based on mood and ...well randomness. But unbeknownst to be, an acquaintance of mine, who was at the time engaged in a horribly soapy love triangle, got it into her head…

Having seen a similar case up close myself, it is amazingly hard to wrap your head around some kinds of socially manipulative behavior. And I think that is why some people will fundamentally never come over your side - it's too hard to understand.

I've learned a few things from this (my) experience:

- Most people really are not interested in getting to the bottom of anything. Even if it is pretty serious and damaging. Sad but true. They can't be bothered to doubt their first instincts.

- Most people think they are such a rock-solid judge of character.

- If something doesn't add up, people may notice but then sweep it under the rug.

- Personality disorders are probably too hard a concept for people to consider. One thinks of a mental disorder as a person gibbering nonsense.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#65

Post by moens »

mpyne wrote: post #47
Dove wrote: post #40

I’ve often thought that the single most devastating cyberattack [would be] simply to simultaneously make every e-mail and text ever sent universally public. . . . . the fabric of society would instantly evaporate, every marriage, friendship and business partnership dissolved. I don't think it would be quite that bad. There are some people who lie to everyone, but there are also some people who are decent and honest.…

I would indeed be concerned if everyone around me really lived in a bed of lies that deep. I don't have many friends, but I have no reason at all to suspect that I wouldn't still have those friends should such a thing occur.

It would be a wonderful political hack though. Just thinking of a zero day email dump hack makes me smile. The political fallout alone... just imagine. Wow, I felt like I was channeling John Lennon there for a moment.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#66

Post by louthy »

Udo wrote: post #26
nostromo wrote: post #13

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…

Just for fun, I'd like to throw in my opposite experience. A few years ago I was quite active on FB, you know, posting random thoughts and music videos and stuff like that. The stuff I posted was indeed random, just things I liked and wanted to share based on mood and ...well randomness. But unbeknownst to be, an acquaintance of mine, who was at the time engaged in a horribly soapy love triangle, got it into her head…

I've been through a similar, although not quite so extreme situation (post-breakups) a couple of times. One thing I have realised is that the people that stick with you and don't believe the bullsh*t are those that will be your friends for life.

There seems to be no shortage of people who will happily listen to one side of an argument and disseminate it. I've even met people for the first time, and when they found out my name say something along the lines of: "Oh, I've heard all about you."

It really is childish behaviour, anyone with a modicum of decency would confront you about it, and let you have your say. If they don't, they're not worth knowing (IMHO).

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#67

Post by robryan »

lwhi wrote: post #44

Earlier this evening I received a text message from a someone I felt I was starting to have feelings for. Probably just infatuation, but possibly something more. Another text soon followed; one that was very affectionate. In the 3 minutes between replying and receiving the apologetic '... I'm sorry that wasn't meant for you...' reply, I experienced a full range of emotions from elation to embarrassment — disappointme…

Or it was and they are backtracking, although maybe not best to think too much about that.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#69

Post by ratsbane »

atourgates wrote: post #30

I think the important question no-one seems to be asking is: what's up with the goats? No seriously, for what reason does a NYT contributor/essayist/cartoonist need goats on demand? Also: I'm calling it now, "Uber for Goats" is the next big startup idea.

That was my first thought too. And second, that if it's possible to rent a herd of goats I would like to do exactly that. I'll figure out a reason after the fact.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#70

Post by homosaur »

mjt0229 wrote: post #37
atourgates wrote: post #30

I think the important question no-one seems to be asking is: what's up with the goats? No seriously, for what reason does a NYT contributor/essayist/cartoonist need goats on demand? Also: I'm calling it now, "Uber for Goats" is the next big startup idea.

In Seattle, you can rent goats to help take care of pesky invasive vegetation like blackberry bushes. Blackberries sound like a good idea until they take over, and they're very difficult to remove. Goats will eat them, though, so you can rent a small herd of goats and in a few days, the brambles will be eaten back to a level where they can be dug up by the roots. I have no idea whether this was the case in this parti…

This is actually very common. You can make an nice chunk of change in the area between KY and SC renting out your goats to destroy kudzu.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIoRJG2yDoI

UK prof points out the obvious proposition, you keep a proper goat/kudzu ratio and it's MONEY TREE

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