I Know What You Think of Me • Hacker News Board

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#41

Post by tunesmith » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:26 PM UTC

bostonvaulter2 wrote: post #32

dasil003 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm also 35 and feel exactly the same way. This often gets me in trouble with my wife when she exclaims "how could x have done y!" and I proceed to stick my foot in mouth by saying "maybe they were thinking z".

Hmmmm, it sounds like she may want empathy and the ability to vent rather than any sort of solution or analysis. That's something that I've struggled with in the past but I think I'm getting better at.

Well, he is empathizing... just not with his wife. :-)

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#42

Post by Udo » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:28 PM UTC

tunesmith wrote: post #39

Udo wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just for fun, I'd like to throw in my opposite experience. A few years ago I was quite active on FB, you know, posting random thoughts and music videos and stuff like that. The stuff I posted was indeed random, just things I liked and wanted to share based on mood and ...well randomness. But unbeknownst to be, an acquaintance of mine, who was at the time engaged in a horribly soapy love triangle, got it into her head…

You should point to this comment on your facebook feed. That'd be a fun comment thread.

Oh dear gods no, I'm trying to put this debacle behind me. It seems every time I try to clear something up about this, two more stories come to life. The only winning move, as they say, is not to play. I'm counting on the semi-anonymity of my HN account here ;)

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#43

Post by cinquemb » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:29 PM UTC

Udo wrote: post #38

jarrett wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This article was on the HN front page some time ago: http://chronicle.com/article/I-Will-Ruin-Him/136693/ It sounds like your situation is similar, though perhaps less extreme.

Maybe, but I think this is fundamentally different. Threesome Girl did not have a real motive against me. In fact, we were still drinking buddies when I learned what she had been doing this whole time. There was no love interest, no need for revenge, nothing to gain from doing this. Yet, she did. And even more puzzling: a lot of people helped her, she always had a lot of social support. She was quite brilliant at tha…

Seems like for some people you can never have enough, its like drinking salt water to quench ones thirst…

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#44

Post by lwhi » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:32 PM UTC

Earlier this evening I received a text message from a someone I felt I was starting to have feelings for. Probably just infatuation, but possibly something more.

Another text soon followed; one that was very affectionate.

In the 3 minutes between replying and receiving the apologetic '... I'm sorry that wasn't meant for you...' reply, I experienced a full range of emotions from elation to embarrassment — disappointment to denial.

It's a funny old life. I found this article at the top of hacker news 5 minutes later. Definitely struck a chord.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#45

Post by bobz » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:34 PM UTC

rheide wrote: post #3

I wonder if the author ever emails one of the two friends about the other. It's unfair if only one side of the private emails gets opened, but the other stays hidden. Also, given that presumably you're still friends after this incident, who cares? A single email is a ridiculously small facet of a person to base an opinion off of. And if you weren't friends but just colleagues, who cares? You've just learned an import…

I'm pretty sure you didn't actually read most of this article.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#46

Post by dclowd9901 » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:36 PM UTC

stephengillie wrote: post #17

bitops wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I heard a good joke about this: when you're 20, you're obsessed with what others think about you. When you're 40, you don't give a damn what others think about you. When you're 60, you realize others were never thinking about you at all.

I hesitate to quote Ayn Rand, but it's fitting: "Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us." "But I don’t think of you." -Ellsworth Toohey and Howard Roark, The Fountainhead , Ayn Rand

Michael Ginsberg: "I feel bad for you."

Don Draper: "I don't think about you at all."

(The irony of this line is that Draper, in fact, was obsessed with one-upping Ginsberg the whole episode.)

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#47

Post by mpyne » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:37 PM UTC

Dove wrote: post #40

I’ve often thought that the single most devastating cyberattack [would be] simply to simultaneously make every e-mail and text ever sent universally public. . . . . the fabric of society would instantly evaporate, every marriage, friendship and business partnership dissolved. I don't think it would be quite that bad. There are some people who lie to everyone, but there are also some people who are decent and honest.…

I would indeed be concerned if everyone around me really lived in a bed of lies that deep.

I don't have many friends, but I have no reason at all to suspect that I wouldn't still have those friends should such a thing occur.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#48

Post by saraid216 » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:46 PM UTC

robg wrote: post #14

I often struggle with the most basic question of them all: Who am I? To me, how I live my life is the only way to answer that attempt at self-reflection. Yet, we are not what we do. That's the dodge that plagues me.

I'd actually suggest Montaigne, if you haven't touched him already; this is a good intro:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Montaigne-Question-Attempts/d...

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#49

Post by loceng » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:50 PM UTC

Udo wrote: post #42

tunesmith wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You should point to this comment on your facebook feed. That'd be a fun comment thread.

Oh dear gods no, I'm trying to put this debacle behind me. It seems every time I try to clear something up about this, two more stories come to life. The only winning move, as they say, is not to play. I'm counting on the semi-anonymity of my HN account here ;)

I would go for it. Just @ a whole bunch of people. Ask what shit / lies this women said about you.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#50

Post by r00fus » Mon, Jun 17, 2013, 10:52 PM UTC

bradenb wrote: post #5

I am painfully aware of how much energy I expend trying to prop myself up above others. Whether I am delicately explaining how I would have done it differently or just fidgeting with my clothes to make myself look better in that place's light, I end up feeling like I'm acting fake. Maybe I am. Regardless, I think there's little we can do about it. Anytime I overcome the urge to make myself look better to the stranger…

Or in my case, I spend a lot of time in denial about how much I intend not do... do exactly what you're describing, but finding out after the fact (re-playing conversations with others, or listening to complaints from my family) that I, unbeknownst to my conscious mind, do exactly that.