A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life • Hacker News Board

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#171

Post by mtdewcmu » Sat, May 18, 2013, 3:47 PM UTC

zalzane wrote: post #32

I hate it when these things pop up because they turn problems into self-fulling prophecies. I hate being around my mother. I've never had a relationship with a girl in my entire life. I drown my sorrows into a mug of beer every friday. I barely get by as is - and have to work my ass off harder than everyone around me to get anything done. And now I come across this article that says it's likely I'll make 6 figs less…

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but this study probably didn't teach us much that we couldn't have simply assumed would be true. If you were to do a study on group of men who have a bad relationship with and , I would bet that these men would be found, on average, to score lower on any measure of success and would have a higher incidence of every problem you looked for. This is because problems always seem to cluster, they never occur independently. It's like the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Men that argue with their mothers and drink too much are probably a group of miserable men. Why are they miserable? Maybe because they have lots of problems. I don't know if it's a real phenomenon that bad things tend to happen disproportionately to a few unlucky people, or if it's just a statistical illusion. But I am never surprised when a study finds a correlation between two negatives. It's a given.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#172

Post by kghose » Sat, May 18, 2013, 5:53 PM UTC

saraid216 wrote: post #144

alxhill wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there anything wrong with them, they and themselves?

It's ambiguous. "You are in a dark forest. A disembodied voice speaks to you. They want you to follow." How many voices? Would it have been more correct to say "They wants you to follow"? Should you contort the sentence to drop agency, saying "You should follow"? Is the pronoun referring to some group of people not included in this paragraph? s/They want/Ze wants/ solves all of these questions immediately and simply.…

"It". A disembodied voice in a dark forest, regardless of whether you can deduce gender, is most definitely an "it". An "it" I would run away from.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#173

Post by sanoli » Sun, May 19, 2013, 2:28 AM UTC

singular wrote: post #15

Ack. Reliable or not, I'm sure it was meant as a feel-good piece, but for people like me the quote:- "Vaillant’s key takeaway, in his own words: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points … to a straightforward five-word conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’" Is actually very depressing. I am 5'5" so have this (if you've not encountered it you are unlikely to be aware)…

I'm 6'2", have a few friends who are short, in the 5'5"-5'8" range, and have talked about this with pretty much all the women I'm friends with. Yes, this is true, you're right. It is almost certain to be a genetic thing. Everybody here saying they know some short guy who gets lots of girls or is a short guy and is happily married, well, this is not actually what the parent is saying. He's just saying there's a huge disavantage in being short. He's right. Try this mental test the next time you see a very short, slim, but quite good looking guy. Now imagine him in a 6'3" build. It to men who do this mentally, it drastically changes the appeal this guy has. This was told to me by a woman friend, and it happens everytime I think about it. Also, the Tom Cruise example is a bad one. Women see him in movies, where you can't tell their height. If you're successful, smart, a good person (or much more important: not a jerk), you can find a good person and have a relationship, a meaningful, lasting one, with her. But if you base your romantic success in how easily you get dates/get laid compared to taller guys, then you'll probably end up frustrated.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#174

Post by drumdance » Sun, May 19, 2013, 2:53 AM UTC

calinet6 wrote: post #127

drumdance wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Read The Game. I've met Neil Strauss in real life and he's 5'6" on a good day. His fiance is beautiful, smart and taller (plus, she likes to wear heels).

The Game is a superficial childish half-assed douche version of the truth. The truth is you have to be confident and genuine, treat women like people, meet a whole lot of them, and actually try to find someone you get along with and like. There are no shortcuts to that; you can't simulate it. The Game might get you to fake-it-til-you-make-it, but that's about it.

If you've actually read the Game you know he talks about this in the latter third of the book.

And fake-it-til-you make it is just another word for practice.

I'm somewhat biased because I know Neil and go to his intensives. But they are extremely good and I've gotten a lot out of them. Further, I decided to meet him because of the Game.

Re: A 75-Year Harvard Study Finds What It Takes To Live A Happy Life

#175

Post by powermeat » Mon, May 20, 2013, 8:21 PM UTC

zalzane wrote: post #64

jpdoctor wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is "solving the problem" of "trying to contribute to a conversation and not making a fool of myself" something that doesn't makes you happy?

Because there's no cerebral solution to that problem short of going out there and making yourself look like an idiot until you don't looks like an idiot anymore.

Why do you need a cerebral solution? Isn't trial by fire good enough?

Everyone looked like an idiot as a child learning to socialize. Enough exposure, criticism, praise, etc will curb your actions away from looking like an idiot. You just need to adjust your self image and realize that looking like an idiot at that specific time does not mean that you can't learn adapt and look like a socially adept human at a future time.