Stop externalising your life

I think the point the author makes goes beyond the shallowness of 'he's posting on social media, what hypocrisy, look at his externalization!' I think the take away is that by our society's knee jerk reaction to share a picture or write a short micro-blerb describing an event as it happens, that we actually degrade the moment for ourselves. We cease to be immersed in our own world completely but end up stepping in halfway into the virtual as we prep that filter, or select careful word choice and tag very particular people to reap the benefits of our narcissism.

I think it is important to make the distinction that the act of externalization or sharing of an experience as some have mentioned should not be completely written off. There is a positive way to externalize our experiences, and it requires more effort and thought. As a general rule of thumb I would argue that experiencing something, reflecting on the experience afterword, and presenting it in a meaningful way meant for longevity is the method most preferred. Sometimes we can't wait until after the moment. Sometimes we need to take a picture now, but the filter and the posting can happen later. The insta-thought that you had that you'll forget may need to be jotted down, on the phone, or in a notepad, but it should not require a complete entrance into social media and draw you away from the moment like it currently does.

The best experiences I had in Facebook was not waiting for every single picture to come out and following someone's life as it happened, it was waiting for when that big album from someone's trip was finally uploaded. There, in one stint you could immerse yourself vicariously in the experience that someone had. When a breakup would happen, instead of reading the vacillating short thoughts and daily experiences of someone going from gleeful to miserable, it was always better IMO to read a reflection that someone had after several months of thought and introspection.

There is a proper way to use social media and share, and as we are, aren't using it to it's full potential. Remember when your papers in school had a minimum word limit? The point was that you had to put in effort when you wrote something. Instead, we get a max of 140 characters and the incentive to share NOW without any real foresight into what we post. That should change, I hope it changes.

That's an excellent point, and very eloquently written. The article does mention one other phenomenon though, and it's the selective nature of what we share. It has been discussed in the media that Facebook can make some people angry, envious, and depressed (http://ti.me/V9kKkd). By selectively broadcasting our successes to the world, whether it's a promotion at work or awesome tacos, we contribute to a tapestry of a superficial, though entirely false, view of the world. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to broadcast my failures any more than you do. It's natural to want to share only the good things.

I'll use myself for example. I'm not particularly prone to sharing or to envy (at least, that's what I thought). I rarely posted anything to Facebook, and when I did, it was science or news related. I even felt violated when others posted pictures of me. However, after about two years worth of Facebook use, mostly lurking, I was surprised to find that I was angry with just about all of my "friends." It seemed they were so much happier than me, wittier, more liked, more photogenic. Their families seemed so perfect, while mine was in smoldering ruins due to tragedy, divorce, and bitter grudges. Their posts got loads of likes and comments, while mine received few or none. They also seemed, well, so dumb: they wrote "are" for "our" and mixed up "they're," "their," "and "there." And they broadcast inane political rants, which, turns out, is a great way to ensure that I'll never want to hang out with them again.

So, in turn, for me at least, I found it had affected me negatively, so I quit using Facebook, and I think it made me much happier and a better friend. I stopped placing expectations upon my life by what I had seen on Facebook. And, most of all, I was shocked to discover how judgmental I had been toward these people. I'm the guy who is often jokingly referred to as the family shrink. Everyone comes to me with problems because I'm patient, I listen, and I don't judge. Well, on Facebook, I was a different person. I was brutal. And that attitude alienated me because I found that I couldn't like people in real life whom I couldn't respect in digital life, whether it be due to my own selfishness or their poor grammar. Perhaps that's why I rarely posted—I felt that I would be judged just as I had judged them, and I feared rejection.

Now when I talk to my friends, they seemed shocked that they have to fill me in on things that have been thoroughly covered on Facebook. But when we do talk, it isn't infused with the expectation to please. I can be honest, and so can they, and there's no need to feel like we're having a loud conversation while sitting at the center table in a crowded restaurant.

I don't think this applies to everyone. I have a friend who doesn't seem the least bit bothered by this. Maybe I'm emotionally weak, or overly sensitive, or more prone to envy than I would like to think. And I don't condemn Facebook entirely. Like you said, I think we're still working this whole thing out, and we have yet to figure out how to positively integrate it into our lives. Even so, I think for some people, no amount of sharing is good, not if we're only sharing the good bits.

The author makes a leap here:

>We end up with a diminished perception of reality because we’re more concerned about choosing a good Instagram filter for our meal than we are about how it tastes.

I'd like to see some data on the effects of documentation on an experience. You could track things like perceived immersion in and overall rating of an experience with and without an effort to document it.

Reminds me of http://5by5.tv/superhero/8 (audio, 4 minutes)

Your social skills are severely lacking. If you were 13 it might just get you the "it is rude to do that" talk. Otherwise you will find the problem of people interrupting your onanistic self absorption will sort itself out over time.