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Stop externalising your life

jshakespeare.com

11–20 of 160 posts

Re: Stop externalising your life

#11
Each to their own.

I enjoy seeing what my friends and family are up to, including the minutiae that might not otherwise come up in conversation. In participating, I also have an easy history of the things I've done to look back over. My wife loves TimeHop reminding her, via social updates, what she was doing on the same day a year ago. "Remember this?" Cue much reminiscing.

Further to that, all social sharing serves as developing a personal brand and there are social and commercial advantages to that whether all doing it realise or not.

"Paint a picture of it."

I almost laughed at this bit. Why not allow even more time for contemplative thought by first creating inks from scratch, using ingredients relevant to the original experience and naming each combination of colours to evoke just the right memories?

Re: Stop externalising your life

#12
post #9

>The key thing to remember is that you are not enriching your experiences by sharing them online; you’re detracting from them because all your efforts are focussed on making them look attractive to other people. Your experience of something, even if similar to the experience of many others, is unique and cannot be reproduced within the constraints of social media. So internalise that experience instead. Think about i…

>> "Social media sharing enhances my experience rather than detracting from it, precisely because it is so artless: I'm not thinking about how to describe where I am or what it looks like, I just check in or send a photo."

How does checking in somewhere or posting a photo of something to your followers enhance your experience of something?

Re: Stop externalising your life

#13
Personally, I agree. I know there are differing opinions but I don't care most of the time what my friends & family are up to in real-time. They'll tell me when I see them. I like to write about things I have done if I have some opinion of it, or if I'm proud of an achievement, but that's about it. People don't necessarily need to know what I'm doing right now if it's nothing particularly special or new.

Conversely, I don't need to necessarily need to know what they are doing all the time. But if they feel the need to share, fine. I just hope that if they read this post, by you, they might critically think about their current behaviour.

Re: Stop externalising your life

#14
My parents' generation would share holiday snaps or even host slide show evenings for neighbours after traveling somewhere. I think that photo sharing on Facebook etc. is just the modern version of that and as back then, we have people who find this obnoxious, interpreting it as a form of bragging.

I believe it may be a little bit bragging, but is mostly validation-seeking. Many people just seem to be wired in a way that craves a social response to their behaviour. Call it neediness, insecurity, whatever...I think the kindest thing is to simply identify it as a personality trait.

Back in the slide show days I remember being impressed by the stance my parents took which was to sit back and enjoy the holiday snaps as much as they could, because the person showing them was getting something out of that.

Today, I will act interested in a dream a co-worker wants to tell me, not because I am particularly gripped by how they "were flying, but also not, and everyone's face was Graham from accounts", but because it seems to make them happy to have someone listen. If simply clicking a "like" button or posting a thoughtful comment can give someone warm fuzzies (and we know it does) then I'll do it.

Re: Stop externalising your life

#15
Yeah, kill the growth model for most "social" companies. The amount of noise is really counter-productive. I know one can just turn it off, but I don't want to live in society where most don't turn it off and focus on presenting life to others instead on life itself.

Re: Stop externalising your life

#16

It's possible you're just thinking too much about it. A lot of people look back on the things they've shared as a way of maintaining a personal photo album. My facebook definitely has a more complete photo history than any one device I own, and it's almost effortless to throw the photos I take up there. That, and I don't mind seeing the things my friends are doing - it gives me ideas for things I want to do in the fu…

I think that self-inquiry here is the key, finding one's intentions. I've sometimes found days ruined by the constant need to update everybody on things – on close examination, I can feel the compulsive need to be bigger and better, which is just more ego – and when looking back at those photos, I know I didn't take them as an expression of the moment, I took them as an ego–enhancer. Which didn't work. On the other h…

This, this, a million times this. I recall a professor very fond the phrase "you may wish to examine your motives".

I have found that fantastic advice and hear it most of the time before I click "post", "reply", "submit", etc.

Even here, now. I'm about to post this comment. Do I want karma? Do I need an outlet for the thought? Why am I posting this? Have I achieved everything I wanted by just writing it and actually could just close the tab without hitting reply?

It is not a pleasant feeling.

Re: Stop externalising your life

#17

It's possible you're just thinking too much about it. A lot of people look back on the things they've shared as a way of maintaining a personal photo album. My facebook definitely has a more complete photo history than any one device I own, and it's almost effortless to throw the photos I take up there. That, and I don't mind seeing the things my friends are doing - it gives me ideas for things I want to do in the fu…

OP here. I definitely agree with you about social media being a good way of maintaining a record of what you've done. I often used to scroll down and down my FB wall for hours looking back at all the pictures and memories from my time at university.

I probably should have played this up more in the post, but my motivation for writing this came from having been on holiday and feeling a huge relief after I decided to stop constantly trying to document everything I was doing. I took just a handful of pictures, wrote about my day each evening on OhLife (great service if you haven't used it) and besides that just enjoyed the moment. When I compared this to what I see when my friends are on holiday ("At the top of the Empire State!!!1 #w00t #thuglyfe") I felt compelled to share my thoughts. To be clear, it's not a holier-than-thou attitude, I just think that people miss out on a lot when they concern themselves more with posting about their experiences than they do with enjoying them.

Re: Stop externalising your life

#18
I still remember how social media revolutionized the tech scene in San Diego, where everyone is spread out and can't mingle that often. Instead of monthly meetups where people kept asking "what have you been doing in the last 4 weeks?" it was "tell more about X you were saying on Twitter." Dialogue became more deep and dynamic.

We can't close Pandora's box. Might as well figure out how to make it work for you.

Re: Stop externalising your life

#19
post #10

Waiting for the pope: http://i.imgur.com/sNTmp4s.jpg In my opinion you miss a lot around you when you are constantly staring at the screen of your device. Two days ago I was sitting at a birthday party. The guy next to me constantly took pictures sending them with Watsapp. I never spoke a word to him because he was busy with his phone all the time. I'm still not sure what to think about that but I don't think I like…

Not be demeaning, but there is an alternative way out of that - become a power user.

I frequently continue programming/typing, slip in an audio note to self or search the web via Google Now, while holding a normal conversation. And people with whom I interact got used to this to the level of requiring me to have the data from Wikipedia ready for the continuation of the discourse. :)

This is not a comment on the externalisation, but on how gadgetry, used properly, can add to experience.

Re: Stop externalising your life

#20
post #14

My parents' generation would share holiday snaps or even host slide show evenings for neighbours after traveling somewhere. I think that photo sharing on Facebook etc. is just the modern version of that and as back then, we have people who find this obnoxious, interpreting it as a form of bragging. I believe it may be a little bit bragging, but is mostly validation-seeking. Many people just seem to be wired in a way…

Are you sure these slide evenings were as entertaining and impressive as your remember?

I've never heard anything positive about them until your comment, up until now they've always been the subject of boredom jokes.

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