The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell • Hacker News Board

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#231

Post by finnw » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:20 PM UTC

epsylon wrote: post #220

com2kid wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The solution is even easier. There is no need to have messages individually marked, the system knows what is being sent and can handle it automatically. Auto detect spam messages. If a guy keeps sending out the same copy and paste, after 2 or 3 sends, just forward future copies to /dev/null. Now this has to be personalized! If a women responds to those types of messages above some certain threshold, then hey, let her…

I was thinking of adapting xkcd's robot9000 to dating sites on the other day. Instead of searching duplicate messages from 1 user, you search for duplicates across the entire database, with exponentially increasing ban periods if your message is not original. It would definitely force men and women to write meaningful messages.

I guess I will have to introduce random spelling errors into my messages then.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#232

Post by dacilselig » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:21 PM UTC

crazygringo wrote: post #196

Udo wrote: post #171

Another question is, of course, if straight dating can be fixed at all. After short stints on all the major dating websites, and of course trying to date in the real world, I've come to believe that the basic expectations people have can't really be satisfied, mostly by virtue of mathematics. The following is a male perspective, but I think the observations should be on par for the other side as well: First, there is…

It's funny... here in New York City, I hear people saying the exact opposite. That guys are having a great time on a dating site, because there are tons of attractive and interesting women, and all the single girls seem to create profiles! And girls not having a lot of luck on a dating site, because a lot of guys don't create profiles, and sometimes it seems like all the "good" ones are taken. However, this may also…

You bringing up things being different in New York City made me remember that if you compare the proportion of women and men of New York City and Los Angeles, you will notice that there are more women than men in New York and the opposite in Los Angeles. Now this fact alone may not be enough to conclude that based on these ratios that it is the cause of such a change in quality of women. But from another perspective it makes sense. In Los Angeles and in California, there are less women. This means that women have a much larger pool of men that they can choose, so they can afford to be picky. This means that the proportion of good looking, successful men using online dating increases since there aren't enough women in the local area to date. Now New York on the other hand, the advantage is for men as there are more women and they can be picky. This means that even attractive and interesting women now have to make themselves publicly available via online dating.

Of course this is just a hypothesis so of course this may not be the case.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#233

Post by nessus42 » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:24 PM UTC

weeksie wrote: post #226

largesse wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's just an extension of the "big city" effect. In general, attractive women gravitate toward big cities seeking successful men. I know that sounds sexist, but it really is a thing and it skews demographics. There are more dating women in NYC competing for fewer men. The situation in Nome, Alaska is reversed.

It sounds like a sexist comment because it is. The reality is that in a place like New York educated women move to the city for their careers. So do men, however when men get married and have children they tend to continue to work, whereas it's more common for women to leave the workforce. Hence, the percentage of the men in the city that go home to their family in Connecticut (or Westchester, or whatever) is much hi…

I'm not sure I understand your logic. Let's say 100 men and 100 women move to the Big Apple for their careers. Now let's say 50 of the men and 50 of the women hook up, get married, and move to Scarsdale. Let's say all of the women who have moved to Scarsdale buy a minivan and give up their jobs. Now, during the day, we have 100 men in the city and 50 women, giving a 2:1 ratio of men to women, but there are still 50 single men and 50 single women, giving a 1:1 ratio of single men to single women. And at night there are 50 men, all of whom are single, and 50 women, all of whom are single. Again, a 1:1 ratio.

So where does the demographic skew come from in your model?

Personally, I'm not so convinced that women move to the Big Apple merely search of successful men, though. There's all sorts of stuff going on in NYC that would appeal to women!

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#234

Post by mst » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:25 PM UTC

btilly wrote: post #159

gonehome wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I don't think greeks are a good place to start because they probably don't need it, but I'd imagine other college kids would use it especially because they're busy with classes and other things. Definitely agree that college kids have more opportunities than new grads though to meet people. I think the matching idea (tinder/let's date) is a good one, but like you I noticed the problem seems to be that girls don'…

I think most dating websites are shitty for heterosexual men in their early to mid twenties. I think it is dating that is shitty for men in that range. They have a limited pool of women in an age range that most of them want to be involved with. Those women in turn have socially acceptable dating opportunities with men of a much wider age range, including many men with better financial means than most men in their ea…

I got a message on okcupid once from a woman saying only "you're so attractive, why does your age filter include me?"

One of my current partners is about the same age as her.

The 'man should ideally be at least slightly older' norm is counterproductive and I hope one day it goes away.

(I'm not saying there aren't underlying reasons why that norm often works ... just that I wish people would consider those underlying reasons and give up on age as a hard filter rather than a probability contributor)

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#235

Post by mst » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 9:38 PM UTC

dkarl wrote: post #130

benched wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You've written the awkward kid character to sound enlightened.

He is, in a useless kind of way. It's one thing to think this way and another thing to propose that everyone voluntarily adopt social mores that put them at a disadvantage relative to the people who continue to use the same old stratagems. For something like that you need a social movement organized around a moral cause, with constant moral vigilance against cheaters (who would otherwise prosper, and might prosper ev…

Being open and honest about my desires and insecurities has worked out very well for me; the trick was learning to present it as confidence in who I am rather than an apologia for what I am not. Attitude is often everything during early stage interactions when you're both rapidly trying to size the other person up.

Then again, my taste in partners' personalities probably selects for people where that -will- work out well for me. Which for me is obviously a feature, but means I in no way am suggesting that it would work well universally.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#236

Post by illuminate » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 10:05 PM UTC

Avshalom wrote: post #5

cheald wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The Hollywood angle was a weak lead-in for the post, IMO, but I like the idea. Getting your friends to talk you up has some interesting potential. That said, it will of course be gamed and manipulated and still have many of the problems of current online dating models, but that's just the nature of marketing; when there are a lot of products out there, the way to sell yours is to make it stand out, and a site that im…

Yeah the idea is... no worse than any other dating site I guess but the pitch here is absolutely "stop looking for love. Join our site and love will happen to you" it's just it's supposed "happen to you" because ¡friends! instead of lazy scriptwriters.

The difference here is that you're objectively more likely to find it by seeking, rather than passively waiting for it to happen to you.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#237

Post by illuminate » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 10:10 PM UTC

niuzeta wrote: post #140

Well... the destined love trope came from a lot heavier, and older forms of literature than Hollywood. It's just one of the things that people have fantasized, experienced, and encouraged for ages. Really, the article didn't convince me a bit. The stigma comes because the idea is quite distinct from what we've all been doing for several thousand years...

"the idea is quite distinct from what we've all been doing for several thousand years..."

Lonely hearts adverts are hardly new, though.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#238

Post by kmfrk » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 10:30 PM UTC

MasterScrat wrote: post #172

Brushfire wrote: post #164

Brian from OkCupid Labs here... This post contains some really interesting and spot on insights. Some of the data doesn't line up with our (match + okcupid, etc) internal estimates/figures. For example, our estimates are closer to 50% of US have tried online dating, and 50% havent; significantly lower than that in other geographies. The idea of serendipity is definitely a real issue, and a frustrating one, because ju…

> our minds are focused on finding the future of dating in mobile, big data, leveraging social networks, and discovering how to create serendipitous connections through the above. You should make a "Netflix challenge" for online dating.

Please don't; the Netflix challenge was a a historically embarrassing privacy catastrophe.

http://33bits.org/2010/03/15/open-letter-to-netflix/

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#239

Post by ahelwer » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 11:04 PM UTC

nessus42 wrote: post #233

weeksie wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It sounds like a sexist comment because it is. The reality is that in a place like New York educated women move to the city for their careers. So do men, however when men get married and have children they tend to continue to work, whereas it's more common for women to leave the workforce. Hence, the percentage of the men in the city that go home to their family in Connecticut (or Westchester, or whatever) is much hi…

I'm not sure I understand your logic. Let's say 100 men and 100 women move to the Big Apple for their careers. Now let's say 50 of the men and 50 of the women hook up, get married, and move to Scarsdale. Let's say all of the women who have moved to Scarsdale buy a minivan and give up their jobs. Now, during the day, we have 100 men in the city and 50 women, giving a 2:1 ratio of men to women, but there are still 50 s…

Ignoring the heteronormativity here, there are far more single women on the east coast (especially NYC) than men. It's the opposite on the west coast.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#240

Post by jaimebuelta » Sat, Mar 30, 2013, 11:08 PM UTC

Udo wrote: post #171

Another question is, of course, if straight dating can be fixed at all. After short stints on all the major dating websites, and of course trying to date in the real world, I've come to believe that the basic expectations people have can't really be satisfied, mostly by virtue of mathematics. The following is a male perspective, but I think the observations should be on par for the other side as well: First, there is…

I find that the current society (for the lack of a better name) have a HUGE problem with finding a partner (online or otherwise), as what we perceive as the "common" ways are terrible.

The "Hollywood myth" that we all have our soul mate is the one that gets into everywhere, but there are more. The idea that attraction is always at first sight, for example. That going to bars and huge parties is a good way of finding someone (they are highly inconvenient places to talk to strangers) The pressure that makes that a rejection is a tremendous deal. The whole male / female "expected behaviour". Tons of behaviour that can be misinterpreted as good or bad, for almost random reasons...

From my point of view, is almost like if we don't want people to be engaged! I feel that, some time ago, there were channels where your family or others try to help in (or force) the process, including things like arranged marriages, balls or strong courtship rules... Of course, that's all extreme from our point of view, but right now we are basically getting a teenager influenced by tons of books, TV and movies that are not-exactly-telling-the-truth and creating unrealistic expectations, and push them out of the door, saying "there you go, go figure out for yourself!"

I don't know what is the solution (if there is one), but right now the whole process of searching someone feels like extremely inefficient to me...