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What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

theatlantic.com

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Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#71

Post by Jacob4u2 »

johnchristopher wrote: post #47
ameister14 wrote: post #12

Until I went to college I didn't realize not everyone learned wood and metalworking in school. Industrial Arts, it was called. We learned to make jewelry, forge with iron, etc. Then in high school I did woodworking instead, and made furniture, which most of us sold as a side job. I just thought that was totally normal. I'm still not sure why it isn't.

Crawford is touching the subject in http://www.amazon.com/Shop-Class-Soulcraft-Inquiry-Value/dp/... I enjoyed reading that book and it relates to the topic. I remember reading that 'industrial arts' were trashed in favour of computers and to prepare for the coming of the 'information era'.

I also came to post a link to that book. I thought it was along the same lines as the OA, but at times I found Crawford bordering on being a Luddite (the remark about bathroom sink sensors IIRC). How'd you feel about it?

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#72

Post by randlet »

dpeck wrote: post #17
InclinedPlane wrote: post #10

I took AP classes in college, and I work in the software industry, but I still know how to work with my hands and I'm very happy to have that knowledge. It's not that hard, if you feel bad about not knowing anything, go learn, go take a class or two, go read a book or two, go ask a friend, or use the internet, there are a million excellent resources out there. Pick a simple project and do it, then do another project.…

" Stocking a basic toolbox is extraordinarily inexpensive, there's really no reason not to have one." This is great advice, anyone reading who doesn't have at least the basics please get them. I have a few friends who I help out on occasion and it is incredibly frustrating to not have the basic tools available. Decent screwdriver set Socket set Hammer Electrical Pliers Multimeter Pliers Adjustable Wrench Just these b…

All good except the adjustable wrench. These are really awful tools prone to rounding off nuts and slipping off whatever you are working on you will be much better served by real wrenches!

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#73

Post by chiph »

epoxyhockey wrote: post #21
dizzystar wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've seen this played out so many times, it is quite sickening. I generally found that union folk can't pound themselves out of a paper bag. At the risk of sounding inflammatory, many home owners want everything cheap as humanly possible, so they find people willing to do it for below minimum wage (immigrants) and buy the cheapest, warped material they can find at Home Depot. Sometimes spending a little extra money f…

many home owners want everything cheap as humanly possible, so they find people willing to do it for below minimum wage (immigrants) For the record, many home builders also think this way. Unfortunately, most home buyers and owners don't have any sense of what qualifies as quality materials or labor.

The general practice I've seen is that the builder has a couple of low-wage teams to come in and throw it together. And then 1 or 2 guys who come behind them and fix their screw-ups, if the homeowner even notices.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#74

Post by jordan0day »

rayiner wrote: post #27

> Although I've worked for plenty of men who seem to be perfectly comfortable with the arrangement of using the money they earn with their own skills to pay for someone else's expertise, there are three reactions I've grown familiar with that suggest there's often anxiety about letting another guy do your "man jobs." I grew up here in the U.S., but I still find Westerners weird sometimes. My dad grew up in a village…

I think you're entirely correct -- in the US we still have a national mythos of "rugged individualism" and self-reliance.

As others have pointed out in the thread, there really is a feeling of accomplishment that comes from doing something yourself, but we seem to have conflated that to mean you should do everything yourself.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#75

Post by X-Istence »

michaelbuddy wrote: post #25
dpeck wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

" Stocking a basic toolbox is extraordinarily inexpensive, there's really no reason not to have one." This is great advice, anyone reading who doesn't have at least the basics please get them. I have a few friends who I help out on occasion and it is incredibly frustrating to not have the basic tools available. Decent screwdriver set Socket set Hammer Electrical Pliers Multimeter Pliers Adjustable Wrench Just these b…

Pfft. A basic toolbox doesn't even get you halfway there. Here's why. Because the basic tools are not the keys to the kingdom. The way it works is this. You NEED to familiarize yourself with all the little connectors, fasteners, bolts screws and materials. Hundreds or thousands of them. Got a nice drill? Great. Guess what you better know what masonry bit is, and that you need to use a smaller bit than what you think,…

I was wondering, how old are you?

At 24 years old I can answer most of the questions you asked, and I know exactly who to ask for advice on the one question I don't know the answer to.

My dad taught me the basics of home building/improvements. I can drywall like the best of them, look for studs, hang stuff without issues, know what type of anchors to use. I've built many a desk from 2 by 4's and plywood, built shelves and a lot of other things.

My friends were always playing and working on their cars, I learned more about cars from them than anyone else. I have rebuilt an engine, I have changed timing belts, oil pumps, water pumps, A/C systems, spark plugs, wires, changed timing on older cars, changed sensors, figured out why a car wasn't running properly. Even today I still have the ability to listen to a car and with almost 80% accuracy know what is wrong with it. I can hear when a car most likely needs an oil change, when a belt needs to be tightened (before it does the whole squealing thing), I can feel when an engine mount is due for a replacement, I know what a failing automatic transmission feels like, or a bad clutch...

Yes, these are all things you learn over time, but to imply that even a basic knowledge won't help, or a basic toolbox won't get you far is just flat out wrong. Not only does it give you the ability to fix things yourself, it is an opportunity to learn and improve yourself. It is extremely satisfying.

Being a weekend handyman/car mechanic? An absolute blast, would highly recommend it to anyone!

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#76

Post by josefresco »

The description of work the author performed growing up in the article is a little more than just what a 'handyman' performs. Where I live most of this work would require (by law and for insurance) extensive permitting and professionals with accreditation's and licenses to perform the work.

I'm not saying the work couldn't be done by a handyman, just that with current codes there are many obstacles for a homeowner to perform their own home maintenance and improvements.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#77

Post by josefresco »

scotty79 wrote: post #31

My artist life partner had a good laugh when she found out that our male friend is waiting for a handyman to have her painting hanged as if driving nail into a wall was some sort of job for skilled professional.

How expensive is the painting? Does your male friend have a stud finder or know common building measurements to locate a stud? If there's no stud did he buy the right wall anchor to support the weight? I'm saying most of this in jest, but sometimes simple jobs are anything but.

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#78

Post by X-Istence »

ams6110 wrote: post #56
saraid216 wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know nothing about plumbing. So when my kitchen sink went haywire, I called a plumber. He installed a new waste disposal for me and, according to the Internet price listings for the exact model he put in, overcharged me by about $250. When I implied I knew what was going on, he explained it was for warranties, which... seemed implausible unless he was getting stiffed himself. I decided not to take him to task for i…

Parts and supplies (whether for plumbing, auto repairs, etc.) are always marked up about double what you would pay retail yourself. You can buy a water pump for a Chevy Impala for about $50 online. A competent shop will most likely charge you $100 or more, plus labor to install it, but they know it's the right one, they know what other gaskets, seals, etc. they need to replace along with it, they have the tools and k…

When I was in college I used to work on my own cars, these days however I am time poor and money rich. For me it has made more sense to go out and buy a brand new car that I can drop off at the dealership for warranty work or anything along those lines, rather than spending 4 - 5 hours dealing with whatever issue has cropped up.

It's a something you have to weigh off, and decide yourself. I'd rather pay someone to work on my car now and be able to spend that time working on projects and making money than work on my car and spend those hours on that (although I do miss it tremendously, that's what getting a project car is for though ;-)).

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#79

Post by a_p »

dizzystar wrote: post #2

I was a carpenter for the better part of my 20s. Definitely many stories like this that came up. The one that bothered me the most was how many times they looked at me silly for making a "bad" cut, when of course, I was making said cut because the area wasn't square. I had one guy get angry at me for making a frame that was visibly crooked, so I told him he should probably make it square and hang it up himself. When…

Using Fussell's class breakdown [1], it is likely that you haven't worked for any people in the "upper class"; you have met the several varieties of the middle class. Fussell's definitions of the class is more about their tastes and behaviors than about how rich they are.

The upper classes would never get on their hands and knees and pound nails, because they feel that it is beneath them. The uppers are content with who they are, and don't give a damn what the lower classes think. But they are also uninterested in new ideas and would not be curious about your profession.

The rich people that you work for are likely to be upper middle class. They are likely to have earned their wealth by working hard, so they can relate to the hard work you do, even if their work was "white collar" instead of "blue collar".

The "middle class" that you describe seem to be Fussell's "middle" or "high proletarian". They are near enough to your class that they are bitter to you because they feel threatened by you, or because they think that their snobbery makes them better than you (it doesn't — usually this is the mark of a person with low self confidence). They might also not be there when you work, because are also at work.

[1] http://www.amazon.com/Class-Through-American-Status-System/d...

Re: What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity

#80

Post by mauvehaus »

bluedino wrote: post #58
trhtrsh wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Budget cuts. You can't write a standardized test for woodworking, so schools stopped teaching it.

What ever happened to learning this stuff from good ol' dad, or your grandfather? I was lucky enough to have a step-father who was fairly handy, had a large amount of tools, and my mother always had him working on a project around the house. Building a deck, remodeling the kitchen, that kind of stuff. I hated being dragged away from friends and video games to help him out with random stuff but I learned quite a bit.…

Too late to edit my previous post, but I'd like to add:

When speaking in the general case, I think it's worth thinking about using gender-neutral language. The attitudes in the article that home improvement and all things handy are "manly" things are worth challenging, and using gender-neutral language is a simple step you can take.

The sentence "What ever happened to learning this stuff from good ol' dad, or your grandfather?" tacitly reinforces the idea that handiness is a man's skill because it is in line with that norm. Phrasing it in gender neutral language makes it clash against the norm, and that clash encourages the reader to pause for a moment, consider the norm, and possibly conclude that there's no inherent reason that a mother or grandmother couldn't be the handy parent. Or that both parents could be handy.

Why does this matter apart from political correctness (which I find obnoxious when it's for its own sake)? Getting over the idea that cooking is a woman's role or that repairing things is a man's role encourages people to pass on knowledge in ways that doesn't reinforce these traditional gender roles.

If a person lives their life without ever having these challenged, and then passes knowledge on to his or her children in a way that reflects the roles, the cycle continues for another generation. Then we have another group of boys who can't cook or sew and another group of girls who can't hang a picture or replace the fill valve in their toilet. If you think those are worthwhile skills for all people to have, please think of how your choice of nouns and pronouns reinforces or challenges the attitudes that lead to people deciding what to teach their children.

In case it matters to anybody, I'm a guy. I can cook, but my sewing skills are self-taught because (in my specific case) my mother didn't teach me. And obviously I didn't pick up on the gendered language before the edit window ran out. It isn't my intention to make you feel called out; rather, writing this was in part an exercise in figuring out for myself why it matters so that I might be more aware of my language in the future.

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