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I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

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Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#211
post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You just quoted my favorite Chinese saying. For the record, 千里之行,始于足下

Not my favorite line from the Tao Te Ching, but a good one nonetheless. I think my actual favorite is the very first verse, where he explains that the entire book is a lie (in a sense). I love that so much.

Yep, if you take nothing else from the Tao Te Ching, the first verse is the most powerful concept. The Tao is personal, nobody can tell you what it is, and thereby have power over you.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#213
You're still dreaming. Get the 9-5 and do this on the side. Most businesses fail, and most of the ones that do succeed were inherited from a family member. The odds are against you are terrible, especially for somone intimidated by pointers--that's the cold hard reality.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#214

I want to give you hope but to be blunt, if your 30 an not an established coder your not going to be. I started coding when I was 11 (dumb stuff of course, but actual coding), went to university and got a CS degree, now I'm in my late 30s and I have been coding for a good ~25 years, ~12 professionally (as in day job). You have to compete with people like me, people who enjoy coding, people who go to work then come ho…

Exactly. This guy has no chance!

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#215
post #54

I have been a dreamer all my life. It took me until last year to figure this out, and only thanks to this community. Great. Dreaming is necessary but not sufficient for great accomplishments. Glad you're one of us. I hardly ever tried - and when I tried, I didn't persist. It has been my goal to start a business since ever I can remember. And yet I never really tried (until last year, which resulted in abysmal failure…

>You won't want to disappoint someone who is depending on you. Believe me, in your case, this will probably make all the difference.

Here's another expectation to think about: In ten to twenty years, someone is going to run across this thread and this post and ask, "I wonder what happened to Stefan Kueng?", before running a search for "Stefan Kueng."

What do you want this person to find?

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#216
post #54

I have been a dreamer all my life. It took me until last year to figure this out, and only thanks to this community. Great. Dreaming is necessary but not sufficient for great accomplishments. Glad you're one of us. I hardly ever tried - and when I tried, I didn't persist. It has been my goal to start a business since ever I can remember. And yet I never really tried (until last year, which resulted in abysmal failure…

Superb advice ed, very superb. Thanks a lot.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#218
Go to a Tranactional Analysis therapist. The will help you figure out how you stop your self from succeeding. Your language is a clue. The term try, psychologically speaking means "Permission to fail". TA is simple and quick. I am a therapist and I can vouch for their model being easy to understand, effective and quick. Your own desire and clarity will be very useful to help speed your learnings along. Good luck in your quest.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#220
The human learning system has a major flaw. The first 5 years of human learnings are based on emotion, and contain most of the automatic emotional response system used thruout the rest of your life. Many of the instructions you learned were meant as momentary instructions, but were highly emotional as well, and as a result are remembered as important and therefore used over and over again thruout the rest of your life time. These emotional reactions are known as Injunctions. These are often intended to limit your behavior and they will continue to limit your behavior in particular ways until you change them. Your conscious mind will not become aware of these limiting behaviors because the fact that the limit of consciousness is only 5 to 7 chunks of data at any one time. In addition, your conscious mind works to achieve the unconscious goals of your early emotional learnings, unless you make conscious goals to direct the activities of the unconscious.

So the bottom line is you have two methods of thinking. Emotional and Cognitive and they are not aware of one another due to the evolutionary nature of our brains development process. This means that the learnings of childhood run the show based on reactions learned very early and they are often not functional as an adult. Fixing them is the task of trained therapists. I recommend Transactional Analysis. it deals with teasing out the old, dis functional, emotional, irrational behavior and the decisions which describe their reasoning, which will be discovered to be childlike. New decisions supported by current adult observations will correct the limiting behavior and replace it with more resourceful reprogramming.

This is quick and instantly gratifying and is goal directed by the Patient/customer. The only function of the therapist is to insure the fastest and most helpful changes, along with permission and protection for the client during the change process. Good luck

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