We Found Our Son in the Subway • Hacker News Board

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#161

Post by siscia » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 4:38 PM UTC

apendleton wrote: post #68

natrius wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which is a shame really. Someone's open-minded curiosity shouldn't be cast aside because of a hypothesis that is politically incorrect.

I consider "political correctness" to be the sort of back-bending linguistic contortionism typical of politicians and PR departments terrified of offending anyone. That's not what's going on here. I'm gay, and while I don't have children, the idea that, were I to adopt one, I'd risk sexually damaging said child with my gayness is offensive. Can you imagine the reaction there would be to someone asking a parallel ques…

I believe it will be more offensive if I don't ask any question and I will just keep my opinion. Honestly most of the people in this planet believes that there is something wrong in gay marriage and gay adopting kids, (there are more country where gay don't have the right they deserve, than country where they do have rights) investigation, and asking question -I believe- is the only way to change things.

I am sorry if you felt offended by my question, but you should realized that in some country (mine as example) being gay, gay marriage, gay adopting kids, are big issues, and there is a lot of questioning and discussion about.

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#162

Post by jacquesm » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 4:39 PM UTC

ck2 wrote: post #105

Lovely story but what kind of husband offers to adopt a child without even previously discussing it his wife? Great relationship there. This story turned out well only because of her. BTW this is why many cities now have a law there is no penalty to leave a newborn at a firestation, yet some cities still resist it.

> what kind of husband offers to adopt a child without even previously discussing it his wife?

Even if the other party did not agree with it initially this is just the same reaction any parent would have for their children, which is that the childs needs come first.

Makes perfect sense to me.

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#163

Post by gambiting » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 5:45 PM UTC

slurgfest wrote: post #84

gambiting wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is nothing wrong with the question you asked. Absolutely nothing. We are intelligent, educated people - if we ask these questions, it's not because we want to ridicule people or offend them,but because we are genuinely curious. The other option would be to remain ignorant and not ask in the fear that this question might offend someone, which in my brain is just sick and wrong.

But these are not randomly selected questions. To illustrate, consider if someone posted a story asking whether Jews were genetically disposed to be greedy. This could be dressed up quite a bit, and it's not impossible that this would very rarely be asked by someone without any social awareness. But there's a smart prior which says that someone asking such a question has a strong agenda and that the "just asking ques…

It's not the question that's wrong, but what you do with the answer that's important.

It's like asking - is it true that black people have statistically larger lips than people of other colours - then is that really racist? I don't think it is. But if you take the answer to that question,and somehow infer from it that because of it your "race" is better than others, then it only means that you are racist,not the question.

My point is - scientists need different kind of statistics to understand how the world works. If they ask if a child raised by two gay people is more likely to have problems with its own sexuality, then I don't see that as homophobic or aggressive - it's not personal after all.

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#164

Post by andrewem » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 5:56 PM UTC

bwaldrep wrote: post #130

robomartin wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yup. Got me too. Beautiful story. Lots of love there. Neither my wife nor I were ready for any of our kids. I don't think you ever are. What these guys did was, among other things, down-right heroic. Not everyone would be open to changing their lives to such an extent by choice. It's also a wonderful representation of real values found in the gay community. This country will be far better off when we start to serious…

Sorry to nitpick, but these two quotes stuck out at me: > "I bet you a pile of cash not one of those self-righteous a--holes would even think about adopting a non-white kid someone found in the subway." Having known several families from the religious right who have done exactly this, I would be happy to accept your pile of cash. There, now we can let my anecdotal evidence cancel out the hasty generalization. > "This…

For instance, the book "The Blind Side" [1] is about a black kid who got adopted by an evangelical family.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Blind_Side:_Evolution_of_a_...

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#165

Post by Tichy » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 6:13 PM UTC

salgernon wrote: post #160

Tichy wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The puking phase is only a couple of weeks, really. I think you exaggerate...

Kid is ten months old with a stomache flu, so not really. Although it is telling that you inferred that the vomit was associated with the kid, and not the debugging session :-)

Ok didn't think about that... Hope kid gets well soon!

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#166

Post by tommorris » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 6:34 PM UTC

gojomo wrote: post #110

tptacek wrote: post #52

Sound reasonable to me. That judge is probably a parent. I suspect most parents understand: if we waited to be "ready", nobody would ever be a parent. Conventional parents get months and months of notice. If they're like me, they're still nowhere close to "ready". It's terrifying. But you, and these guys, and everyone else just do what we've been doing for hundreds of thousands of years.

Indeed, the judge managed (on an ultra-compressed timescale) to provide this same-sex couple the same experience of surprise parenthood that alt-sex couples may have through an unplanned pregnancy. This principle could be advanced more systematically. That is, perhaps adoption by same-sex couples should not just be permitted , but random and compulsory . If you're married and of child-rearing age, you might be assign…

"you might be assigned a baby!"

Oh, please god no.

Not ever having to worry about getting a phone call telling me I've gotten someone pregnant is right up there on the best-things-about-being-gay list with watching men's gymnastics at the Olympics and it being okay to own lots of shoes.

Are you trying to make us miserable?

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#167

Post by ericb » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 7:15 PM UTC

gojomo wrote: post #110

tptacek wrote: post #52

Sound reasonable to me. That judge is probably a parent. I suspect most parents understand: if we waited to be "ready", nobody would ever be a parent. Conventional parents get months and months of notice. If they're like me, they're still nowhere close to "ready". It's terrifying. But you, and these guys, and everyone else just do what we've been doing for hundreds of thousands of years.

Indeed, the judge managed (on an ultra-compressed timescale) to provide this same-sex couple the same experience of surprise parenthood that alt-sex couples may have through an unplanned pregnancy. This principle could be advanced more systematically. That is, perhaps adoption by same-sex couples should not just be permitted , but random and compulsory . If you're married and of child-rearing age, you might be assign…

Fellow child-commenters: parent comment is best enjoyed as delightfully Swiftian.

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#168

Post by tptacek » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 8:00 PM UTC

ck2 wrote: post #116

Evbn wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In point of fact, quite many babies are conceived against the intent or desire of at least one parent. And this adoption wasn't completed until Danny signed on. Someone had to start the ball rolling.

Whoa, this isn't a puppy. You don't adopt a child when you have a partner without even mentioning to them, let alone discussing it. I mean that's insane, and I don't get the downvotes. Who the hell adopts a kid while in a long-term relationship without even asking their partner? It's all good because it turned out okay but seriously who does this? It's a massive life-changing event. You plan these things, otherwise i…

The parallels in this story to unplanned conception in conventional marriages are so obvious that I wonder if they're deliberate. Many children are brought into the world under exactly the same emotional/psychological circumstances.

In any case, you didn't read the story carefully enough. They went back to court, both of them, to confirm they were both willing to adopt. Had the partner objected, the adoption wouldn't have happened. You're going to have to find something else to find objectionable in this story. :)

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#169

Post by MDCore » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 8:21 PM UTC

tommorris wrote: post #166

gojomo wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Indeed, the judge managed (on an ultra-compressed timescale) to provide this same-sex couple the same experience of surprise parenthood that alt-sex couples may have through an unplanned pregnancy. This principle could be advanced more systematically. That is, perhaps adoption by same-sex couples should not just be permitted , but random and compulsory . If you're married and of child-rearing age, you might be assign…

"you might be assigned a baby!" Oh, please god no. Not ever having to worry about getting a phone call telling me I've gotten someone pregnant is right up there on the best-things-about-being-gay list with watching men's gymnastics at the Olympics and it being okay to own lots of shoes. Are you trying to make us miserable?

You know what they say: we're giving you gay marriage so that you can be as miserable as we are.

Re: We Found Our Son in the Subway

#170

Post by thisone » Fri, Mar 01, 2013, 8:24 PM UTC

siscia wrote: post #30

Love the story. When we talk about gay marriage and adoption I always need to query a little more, especially about the kids. What's about Kevin ? His life is "perfectly normal" (how stupid is this expression) ? He is happy ? Does he have problem with his sexuality ? Do anybody have any experience to share ? Please to be obvious, in neither way... (Why this is on HN ? Well, because I believe that HN is one of the bes…

You may want to read both The Kid and The Commitment by Dan Savage. They might give you some personal insights into family life as a gay couple with a baby.