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Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

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Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#91

Post by solox3 »

gdulli wrote: post #83
solox3 wrote: post #6

Travelling? Two is always better than one. If you break a leg in Thailand, someone can help you to the hospital. If you have a friend who lives in Korea, he can be your Seoul mate. Going on a roller coaster? You can sit beside someone you know. Ordered some weird food that you don't like? Just swap with the friend next to you. Two is better than one.

"always" I often wonder what kind of mindset it takes in order to so easily and naturally conflate personal values with objective truth.

HN can be quite philosophical at times, and that is exactly (or "to a certain extent") how an unknown number of people like it. Insofar as my search space is concerned, the probability of having the weighted scores of advantages two persons travelling outside their home city boundaries, provided that said destination is not been previously traversed, then the results of said traversal for the first time outweighing that of doing so alone has been unity for all measurements that I had taken.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#92

Post by patrickk »

k3n wrote: post #73
simonsarris wrote: post #16

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them. The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans. The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to…

> The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to announce plans. This is also a great way to get dates: you don't "ask" them on a date, you merely invite them to go on a date that you'd already planned. It works much the same way as you prescribe. You're actually implying: "I'm going to go do something cool with or without you, and this is my invitation for you to join me _if you w…

People like to be lead. Making decisions is somewhat mentally difficult/draining and people like to be told what to do (I've noticed this in areas like social settings and designing landing pages).

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#93

Post by munificent »

ghc wrote: post #13

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel extremely awkward going to nice restaurants alone even if I bring something to do. I don't experience this feeling anywhere else...just restaurants. I think I'd be more likely to travel alone than to go out to a nice restaurant down the street alone.

I noticed with myself that I feel intensely awkward dining alone. But if I'm travelling for business, it doesn't bother me: at that point, I have a totally legit reason to be eating by myself.

Then I realized that other diners, strangers, have no way of knowing whether or not I'm out on business or in my own city. After that, I got a lot more comfortable eating alone wherever I am: for all these people know, I could be a travelling businessman or have any of a dozen other "legitimate" reasons to eat alone.

Of course, in actuality, no one there even cares or notices me. But I found having the right mental frame helped it not bother me.

I've also found I get pretty awesome service when I eat by myself, and I get to focus on the food more which is nice. It's peaceful.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#94

Post by nessus42 »

dylanz wrote: post #20
ghc wrote: post #13

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel extremely awkward going to nice restaurants alone even if I bring something to do. I don't experience this feeling anywhere else...just restaurants. I think I'd be more likely to travel alone than to go out to a nice restaurant down the street alone.

Hah! I came here for this comment. My friends actually pick fun of me when I tell them I go to restaurants alone, but I thoroughly enjoy it. I'll usually bring in a notebook, a book, or something to do... and... take, my, time. I'm on my own schedule when I eat alone. I can eat as slow as I want to, I can order as fast as I want and what I want, I don't have to think of things to talk about, etc. I absolutely love pe…

I ate by myself at Gordon Ramsay's three-Michelin-Star restaurant in London, and got the 7 course tasting menu. It was awesome! I took photographs of everything and detailed notes. The maitre d' kept coming over to chat with me, and I was treated like royalty. I don't know if this is because they thought I was a food critic, or if they just treat everyone so well. It is a small restaurant.

More recently I ate at Frank Pepe in New Haven and a couple at another table invited me to eat with them. How often does that happen in the US? Maybe all the time if you eat alone! But I felt like I was in Europe.

They kept wanting to know if I was a food critic. They seemed a bit skeptical that I just love good food. The fact that I have a nice camera might make me look more "professional".

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#95

Post by cgh »

grecy wrote: post #42

My Friends all thought I was crazy when I invited them to drive from Alaska -> Argentina with me. The choice was clear, go alone, or don't go at all. I had a life changing two year adventure. theroadchoseme.com

What a fantastic trip. The same thing happened to me (sort of): I wanted to go to Turkey straight out of university. Why Turkey, I'm still not sure, except I liked the look of it (I'm a climber). I had very little money but lots of time.

Anyway, my friends bailed so I went alone. I stayed for four months, went everywhere, climbed mountains and rocks, learned some Turkish and did all the usual travel stuff.

The main thing I learned was self-reliance. I found I was very capable at dealing with uncertainty all on my own. So I followed this trip up with solo trips to France, Thailand, etc., all climbing-related.

It's enough to say that I'd be a different person if I hadn't made the decision to go to Turkey with or without companions.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#96

Post by gknoy »

saraid216 wrote: post #67
anonymouz wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this feels really awkward at first but one can get used to it. My hypothesis as to why it feels awkward is that one is afraid that other people might think, "Oh, look at this guy, he can't find anyone to go out to eat with him". But this is stupid, because obviously those other people that are there in groups don't go out every night to dine with friends either. They might just do the eating alone nights at h…

While this thread has prompted me to break my personal taboo of not going to fancy places by myself, my actual reason isn't how about how other people perceive me, but my perception as to what the proper role of such a restaurant is: a place to celebrate company through good food and good atmosphere. Going by myself would violate that--at least, I think it will--; I figure I ought to give it a try and see if anything…

You could treat it as a way to celebrate good food itself, or as an occasional treat for yourself to celebrate You Being Awesome.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#97

Post by jere »

oinksoft wrote: post #53
jere wrote: post #4

Sure, you shouldn't let your friends hold you back. But I wouldn't underestimate the value of spending time with friends/family. One quote from Robb Wolf has always stuck with me: "It's understood that people who don't have enough social connections, they have as high a rate of mortality and morbidity as a pack a day smoker." http://youtu.be/Tvh23EnFDio Maybe if your friends are holding you back then you should find…

"It's understood that people who don't have enough social connections, they have as high a rate of mortality and morbidity as a pack a day smoker." How is it understood? I've seen things here and there about an active social life in old age being a key contributor to longevity, but are there any studies indeed showing that the health risk of being a loner (for all of one's life, or for some part of it) is equal to th…

I actually had never looked up the studies Wolf was referencing before (naively, perhaps, I trust the guy to have reviewed the literature). But I think he is probably referencing this:

>Researchers at Brigham Young University and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill pooled data from 148 studies on health outcomes and social relationships — every research paper on the topic they could find, involving more than 300,000 men and women across the developed world — and found that those with poor social connections had on average 50% higher odds of death in the study's follow-up period (an average of 7.5 years) than people with more robust social ties. That boost in longevity is about as large as the mortality difference observed between smokers and nonsmokers, the study's authors say.

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2006938,00.ht...

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#98

Post by [deleted] »

dguaraglia wrote: post #66
mbesto wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I cannot even begin to tell you how often I experience this. It's fascinating how clearly drawn leadership and followship (is that a word?) are now that we live in the digital world. As someone else mentioned, motivation is contagious.

I think the word you are looking for is 'following' :-)

[deleted]

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#99

Post by ChuckMcM »

mbesto wrote: post #48
simonsarris wrote: post #16

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them. The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans. The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to…

I cannot even begin to tell you how often I experience this. It's fascinating how clearly drawn leadership and followship (is that a word?) are now that we live in the digital world. As someone else mentioned, motivation is contagious.

I've heard the word followship used in this way. Basically "trying" to lead rarely works, but just leading works fine.

You can then touch base with folks to find out what works and doesn't. So using the GP example you can inform folks you're hiking on Saturday a 10AM or something, and after a few of these you may find someone who expressed an interesting in hiking has never shown up, and you can check in with them. "Hey the hikes have been going great, would love to see you some time so we could hike together. Is there something that would make it easier for you to attend?" And you might get "ok my kids play soccer on Saturdays" or "I'm swamped with house projects" or something else.

If there is something you can try, like alternately going on Sundays or early morning weekdays, then try that. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.

Re: Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

#100

Post by dlib »

Lucadg wrote: post #25
simonsarris wrote: post #16

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them. The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans. The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to…

yes yes yes! I realized this long time ago. Don't ask who joins. Announce you are going. They will follow. If they don't, fine. It makes it all so much easier. Many people have just followed all their lives and that's what they like to do.

After long, long e-mail discussions over plans with friends I also started using this approach. Just go, see who comes along. Makes organising much easier, and somehow I also care less if friends don't show up. It's my party, the more the merrier but if you're not there, your loss. Wish I knew this two years ago, would've saved me quite some time and hassle.
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