Well, if we're all just going to trade anecdotes at each other, I may as well do so too. Unlike the author of the original piece, I'm happy to use my real name. I looked at porn on the Internet as a teenager. I'm gay and back then I was deep in the closet. And I grew up when Section 28 was still in force. It was a law passed in the 80s that said schools "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish materi…
Regarding differences in easy accessibility of "materials" for different orientation persons, one interesting thing worth mentioning - unlike heterosexuals, homosexuals carry this "material" all the time with them - their body...
Well, if we're all just going to trade anecdotes at each other, I may as well do so too. Unlike the author of the original piece, I'm happy to use my real name. I looked at porn on the Internet as a teenager. I'm gay and back then I was deep in the closet. And I grew up when Section 28 was still in force. It was a law passed in the 80s that said schools "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish materi…
Regarding differences in easy accessibility of "materials" for different orientation persons, one interesting thing worth mentioning - unlike heterosexuals, homosexuals carry this "material" all the time with them - their body...
Yes, but my own body is more like that of a Hacker News reader and less like a Calvin Klein underwear model. It's just not the same...
Well, if we're all just going to trade anecdotes at each other, I may as well do so too. Unlike the author of the original piece, I'm happy to use my real name. I looked at porn on the Internet as a teenager. I'm gay and back then I was deep in the closet. And I grew up when Section 28 was still in force. It was a law passed in the 80s that said schools "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish materi…
Regarding differences in easy accessibility of "materials" for different orientation persons, one interesting thing worth mentioning - unlike heterosexuals, homosexuals carry this "material" all the time with them - their body...
I really don't think that's how it works any more than seeing one's siblings naked is a turn on. With the disclaimer that of course narcissism and incest are some people's thing, but while the former may be more common than the latter I certainly don't think it's an automatic inclusion of homosexuality.
I can definitely relate to the author. I first found porn at the age of 14. I'm 29 now, and until recently, porn has always been something I've "struggled with". I've seen several comments that have opposed what I would call the Church & Moral perspective on porn, without really having an example of what that perspective is. Let me put forth a few claims, so those of you who would disagree with them have something co…
Well, your claims are largely silly.
While much porn isn't of particularly good quality, lots of porn is designed for couples. And it's great! You should try it with your wife.
Again, you've been watching the wrong porn. Plenty depicts beautiful sexual intimacy.
Most of what you're saying about AA is false. 4 of the 12 steps mention God. And if you look deeper into the material, God is in reference to a Higher Power or "Power greater than ourselves." Some examples of a Higher Power can include: a sponsor, the group in general, a (big G or little g) god, a door knob. The principle is about believing in something greater than yourself. edit: AA has its roots in Christianity, h…
I went to AA meetings for a while with someone whose mother was an alcoholic (I don't really remember what this was supposed to accomplish, but...) and the atmosphere was kinda weird... the people there, at least, really did invoke god/jesus/etc a lot, and there was a funny sense they were looking for something to replace the alcohol, and jesus (etc) was a popular candidate... and there was a palpable sense of peer p…
My father was in AA for nearly forty years and I had the opportunity to attend several meetings with him. I too thought the meetings and people were, at times, weird, and for similar reasons as you. Some people always referred to the H.P. as Jesus, and others as simply God or something less specific. But the one thing to keep in mind is that you and I were merely observers. We didn't feel in danger of being totally destroyed by alcohol. If we viewed AA as a program that could save our lives, our experience and opinions would be different.
What is it that has changed for the worse? More equality for women? That has improved. Access to abortion? That has improved? Domestic abuse and assault in sexual relationship? Are there any good statistics on these trends? Courts upholding child support agreements with force of law. Don't pay your child support and see what happens. The reason something may appear broken with modern relationships is the fact we are…
Unfortunately, as far as I know children of single-parent families do worse in education, earnings, the legal system, and in other ways, so the breakdown of the family has immense social costs. You will notice that the upper class still marries before they have children.
We don't know whether these children will do better or worse in an unhappy married family. And certainly we don't have reasons to think that marriage (the piece of paper) is the casuation for the gap, not merely a correlation.
I think the problem is our society's denigration of sex. We see it as consisting inherently of that mix of thrill and shame - when you're a teenager growing up in America, you're told to feel that way about any nudity, never mind penetration. So you come to associate arousal with this guilt - you never experience the one without the other - and then when you're looking for something to turn you on you're already feel…
I think the problem is our society's denigration of sex. Is this really true anymore? It seems that the majority of the media consumed by young people carries the message that sex is extremely important and if you are not doing it with everyone in every way, you are brainwashed by religious or moral beliefs. Obviously there is denigration of sex from many sources but which of these sources actually have an impact on…
I said society, not media. My own experience is that I felt very guilty and followed much the same path as the author - but then I was a geeky kid with few friends and a lot of respect for my (relatively old and catholic) parents. I wonder how popular/trendy the author was in high school, and whether those who were had a different experience.
> They were incorrect on a side detail (...) Doesn't cover it at all. OP gives a mechanistic account of how the construct of "porn addiction" works and how it affects people; there isn't much to his post other than that. His mechanistic account happens to be incorrect, or at the very least sufficiently misguided to be worthless, and people call him out on that.
I think the concern is not that people called him out when he was wrong, but that one person phrased it very rudely.
Which is, when it comes right down to it, is a tone argument. Which is only one step above fallacious reasoning.[1]
Calling something BS that's well, BS in a rude way does not negate that call of BS. The person doing the attacking has done so using an explicit refutation of a couple of the author's main points.
Find some decency. Your tone is appropriate for someone who is being argumentative or obstinate, not someone who has made himself vulnerable in a good faith attempt to help other people. Your content was helpful and your points are important; you could have done the same without being mean.
Just because you made yourself vulnerable doesn't mean it's OK to state incorrect/wrong things. The response to OP's posts are more valid and his tone is appropriate in expressing how wrong some of the original points were (IMHO).
I think people are willing to take criticism much better when it is phrased in a respectfully way, rather than an "I'm right you're wrong, here let me prove it" perspective. The OP may have been incorrect, but the best way to help him realize this isn't by yelling at him across the internet, but by politely pointing him to the science.
> I would appreciate it Oh, you would? How dare everyone on the internet not cater to your expectations. Someone from the community shared a story of personal struggle. They didn't hide behind a pseudonym, and it was probably a hard decision for them. They also, did in hopes it would help someone else. They might not have used precise definitions or scientifically correct terms but they were honest and civil and even…
They were also clearly incorrect . No matter how hard their struggle is, it's akin to linking vaccines to autism - no amount of personal pain overrides factual inaccuracy . It's an extremely important part of public discourse that incorrectness be called out, in a polite way, but clearly and forcefully. This is akin to 'balancing' a debate about evolution by having an evolutionary biologist there and a doctor of theo…
This is not a debate on who is right or wrong on the factual matters. Nobody is suggesting that the extremely rude person was factually wrong just because he was extremely rude. As you said, it's an extremely important part of public discourse that incorrectness be called out in a polite way. Nobody disagrees with that, but it's totally beside the point because here the problem was that the calling-out was anything but polite.
