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A Million First Dates

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Re: A Million First Dates

#71

Post by microtherion »

AJ007 wrote: post #43
jacques_chester wrote: post #24

FWIW, the Portland regulars on /r/OkCupid complain that it's an inversion of the classic pattern everywhere else. Men are apparently in the position of scarcity. NYC OKCers talk about the scourge of "trade ups". Still, living as I do in Perth, this all seems like hearing about the problems of people living on Planet Donuts. Oh, you can't settle down because there are just sooo many choices ? No no, please continue, I…

Weird, from what I've seen male friends who were fairly attractive (over 6 feet tall, blonde) would consistently land with girls that were one to three notches below what they would get "offline." I've attempted to use dating sites on and off several times over the years and barely could get the attention of ugly women. In the end I found it amusing considering the girls I date tend to be models that have appeared in…

Popular Mechanics?

Re: A Million First Dates

#72

Post by rokhayakebe »

singular wrote: post #52
toumhi wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You believe you lack pre-requisites women require. Truth is, there are loads of short guys, ugly guys or otherwise challenged guys that get what they want out of dating, whether it's lots of random sleeping around, or a committed relationship, and everything in between. Please don't talk about giving up on relationships. Online dating might actually not be the best choice f…

No, I'm not. Anybody who's tried in real life as well as online, knows what an impact these factors have, especially height, irritatingly given its arbitrariness in western society. I spent months trying online, have tried in real life, parties, bars, you name it for years. I am actually pretty good socially. Believe me, this is not for want of trying. I am not willing to join random clubs to try to meet women, as my…

Allow me to tell you how wrong you are.

My roomate is 6'4, broad shoulders, athletic, good looking by any standard, and he is hella funny. People thought for the longest he had plenty girls, but believe me when I say he had his fair share of trouble.

Now, this will sound like a lie, but I have no way to prove this to you unless you decide to make a trip to the city of Atlanta at which point I will introduce you to my other friend. This guy is 5'5 (at the most), skinny, and by no means will you call him handsome. However from my 12 years in America, I have never met anyone who gets hotter girls, or more girls. I always ask him, and I mean always, "What do you do, really?" From my observation and what he tells me here is what works for him,1) talk to as many beautiful girls as you can (interestingly enough, you have more chance with beautiful women, I have no idea why), 2) don't be nice, 3) smell very very good (One Million or Chanel5 or Chrome Azzaro,...), 4) always dress one step above, always (my friend always looks preppy), 5) never depreciate yourself, never, ever, even as a joke, never.

Re: A Million First Dates

#73

Post by return0 »

singular wrote: post #52
toumhi wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You believe you lack pre-requisites women require. Truth is, there are loads of short guys, ugly guys or otherwise challenged guys that get what they want out of dating, whether it's lots of random sleeping around, or a committed relationship, and everything in between. Please don't talk about giving up on relationships. Online dating might actually not be the best choice f…

No, I'm not. Anybody who's tried in real life as well as online, knows what an impact these factors have, especially height, irritatingly given its arbitrariness in western society. I spent months trying online, have tried in real life, parties, bars, you name it for years. I am actually pretty good socially. Believe me, this is not for want of trying. I am not willing to join random clubs to try to meet women, as my…

Please don't buy into the evolutionary psychology BS. Human relationships are mostly defined by cultural norms, not genetics, or else short people would have been selected out millions of years ago. Women incorporate the same things that all of us do, our culture: imaginary (and largely delusional) hollywood fantasies about ideal romances. The truth is both men and women are equally lost in the dating game when individualistic happiness is held to be the highest ideal.

Re: A Million First Dates

#74

Post by ttcbj »

singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

I had a very similar attitude to yours about 6 years ago. I sympathize with your frustration. Although I am not denying that it may be harder for you to find someone, I think your current attitude/self-perspective is not helpful to you.

I highly recommend this book, in absolute seriousness:

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Asses...;

It was a real revelation to me. Don't dismiss it as psychobabble-nonsense just yet, buy it for a friday night when you are dateless, then honestly consider what it has to say. If nothing else, it will make you happier while you continue to have limited success dating. Also, when you find a woman who will look past the height thing, you want to be in a healthy place to actually make the relationship work from there.

For what its worth, I married to a truly wonderful, brilliant and amazing woman a few years ago. The person I was before reading that book would not have gotten past the first date with her, and certainly wouldn't have been a good partner in a relationship.

Re: A Million First Dates

#75

Post by mistercow »

dusing wrote: post #33
singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

You should really try a pay site, OKC in my experience has just been for hookups. People are way more judgemental there. Also I would think a dating site where you could search for shorter girls would be helpful than real life, no?

>You should really try a pay site, OKC in my experience has just been for hookups.

I guess it would be that way if you just looked at people's profile pics and didn't bother with answering match questions, comparing scores, and reading profiles (which is how a frightening number of people seem to use it). If you actually use the tools it provides, you may find you have better luck.

That said, I guess I don't have much of sample size to work with since I've only dated one person I met on OKC. Still, that's because we're getting married, so take that for what it's worth.

Re: A Million First Dates

#76

Post by redwood »

jacques_chester wrote: post #24

FWIW, the Portland regulars on /r/OkCupid complain that it's an inversion of the classic pattern everywhere else. Men are apparently in the position of scarcity. NYC OKCers talk about the scourge of "trade ups". Still, living as I do in Perth, this all seems like hearing about the problems of people living on Planet Donuts. Oh, you can't settle down because there are just sooo many choices ? No no, please continue, I…

Interesting you say that: I was very surprised by the lack of internet usage in Australia (well, Melbourne anyway). It wasn't that the tech or connectivity wasn't there... but cafes never had wifis, and people didn't use the internet in the same as they do here. They didn't look up reviews online, for example... I worked for an italian restaurant and the phone number was wrong on the website... the boss didn't even seem to care!

It was a nice breath of fresh air: that old-fashioned "men are men" and "women are women" mentality in tech-usage form. On the other hand it's clearly coming, just a matter of time!

Re: A Million First Dates

#77

Post by aswanson »

singular wrote: post #56
colmvp wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see where you are coming from but there's only so much confidence/boldness can make up for physical attributes. You say there are loads of short/ugly/challenged guys who get what they want and yet, what I see on my Facebook/streets of SF/NY are totally different. I've only seen a handful of shorter guys get taller women. Most women prefer taller guys and guys of certain races (interracial stats and surveys definite…

I think it's a matter of prerequisites. Women will look at you as a friend instead of a potential partner if you don't fit them. That's when all the nice-guy stuff of kindness, etc. that many women claim to be what they're looking for (and they are being truthful, only missing a rather vital predicate) is unimportant if you can't fulfil the pre-reqs. My experience on the street is exactly the same. I've basically nev…

London, wow. I always pictured the UK and European females as being more cultured/advanced when it came to dealing with men than their American counterparts. Is there the same typical meathead/jock worship in high school as well over there by females?

Re: A Million First Dates

#78

Post by redwood »

Does anyone else want to take a different tack here?

Perhaps we need to start considering if we're entering a somewhat polyamorous age. Perhaps monogamy makes less sense today. This is a dangerous subject... it certainly isn't something I can talk to my partner about openly. But that's why I bring it up: perhaps as a society we need to start admitting that we have changed our level of expectations on what is okay for activity partners and perhaps even sex partners, with members of the opposite sex.

Perhaps we can have our cake and eat it too. We should acknowledge that long-term relationships built on friendships may not always provide all the perks we expect in this internet age. Perhaps we need not lose these wonderful relationships in the wake... rather have both.

I'm not offering a clear path for how it would work or how to get there. But I'm challenging the baseline assumption here that, somehow, a more liquid market for cross-sexual meeting is a bad thing. It's the reality of today, so perhaps we need to update our lifestyles.

Re: A Million First Dates

#79

Post by mkr-hn »

singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

Do you write like this in messages to women?

Re: A Million First Dates

#80

Post by aswanson »

singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

Height is a relative thing though. I used to club with a good friend of mine, about 6'8". I'm 6'2". Females used to flock to him when we hit clubs; all he had to do was walk in. I had to put up a lot of effort just to get a "hello". I grew bitter and mentally bashed females for a long time for being so shallow; that mentality reinforces itself and destroys dating prospects. I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of that. On the dating front, optimism always trumps pessimism. Do the math, there statistically has to be someone who would want you in a city of 7m.
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