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A Million First Dates

theatlantic.com

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Re: A Million First Dates

#31

Post by greggman »

vidarh wrote: post #18
greggman wrote: post #14

My personal experience doesn't match some of the ideas presented in that article >> At the selection stage, researchers have seen that as the range of options grows larger, mate-seekers are liable to become “cognitively overwhelmed,” and deal with the overload by adopting lazy comparison strategies and examining fewer cues I find exactly the opposite. People that I would be happy to talk to if I met them in person wi…

> because some minor thing in their profile suggests some incompatibility even if it might not be in actuality. That is a lazy comparison strategy compared to actually getting to know someone to find out whether or not it reflects an actual incompatibility. We see the same in many other settings, like shopping: Give people more choice beyond a relatively small number, and they on average become less likely to find a…

"Lazy comparison strategy" seems like a poor name for that strategy as meeting people in person is far lazier "take what comes along" (ie: no comparison) vs "reading 1000 profiles" (lots of comparison).

Re: A Million First Dates

#32

Post by singular »

jacques_chester wrote: post #28
singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

The first rule of online dating: Nobody owes you anything. If you forget that, you're destined to wind up on that niceguysofokc site.

I don't think anybody owes me anything, sure, of course. Personally, I took the attitude of optimising profile, contact endless women using advice from those successful on the site to elicit replies, play the numbers game.

My point is that there are a subset of us who have such low odds of response that it'd be better not to be on there at all.

I wonder how many of us fund these sites... I have heard of seedier sites in the past using false profiles to reply to people, perhaps keeping those such as myself strung along...

Re: A Million First Dates

#33

Post by dusing »

singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

You should really try a pay site, OKC in my experience has just been for hookups. People are way more judgemental there. Also I would think a dating site where you could search for shorter girls would be helpful than real life, no?

Re: A Million First Dates

#34

Post by mykosmos »

dusing wrote: post #33
singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

You should really try a pay site, OKC in my experience has just been for hookups. People are way more judgemental there. Also I would think a dating site where you could search for shorter girls would be helpful than real life, no?

The thing is... even short girls want tall guys... =)

Re: A Million First Dates

#35

Post by dusing »

andrewvc wrote: post #25
greggman wrote: post #14

My personal experience doesn't match some of the ideas presented in that article >> At the selection stage, researchers have seen that as the range of options grows larger, mate-seekers are liable to become “cognitively overwhelmed,” and deal with the overload by adopting lazy comparison strategies and examining fewer cues I find exactly the opposite. People that I would be happy to talk to if I met them in person wi…

You're doing it wrong, skim a bunch of profiles and copy and paste short messages with very slight variations. Investing time in a first message, hell even reading a whole profile on an online dating site is a huge waste of time. Also, stop being so picky.

I agree for the most part. You can be picky once you actually get a response. Start with a wide net of needs. Age range, body type, kids

Re: A Million First Dates

#36

Post by singular »

dusing wrote: post #33
singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

You should really try a pay site, OKC in my experience has just been for hookups. People are way more judgemental there. Also I would think a dating site where you could search for shorter girls would be helpful than real life, no?

Have tried many, paid/non-paid, with same outcome. And shorter women hilariously still generally prefer >= av. height men. It seems to be a major genetic thing.

I shouldn't gonzo myself into this too much, as I've decided to give up on relationships altogether, so this isn't about me finding some site that'll work (not feasible IMHO, since real life is equally impossible), but rather whether people like me are being baited-and-switched much by these sites...

Re: A Million First Dates

#37

Post by jacques_chester »

singular wrote: post #32
jacques_chester wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The first rule of online dating: Nobody owes you anything. If you forget that, you're destined to wind up on that niceguysofokc site.

I don't think anybody owes me anything, sure, of course. Personally, I took the attitude of optimising profile, contact endless women using advice from those successful on the site to elicit replies, play the numbers game. My point is that there are a subset of us who have such low odds of response that it'd be better not to be on there at all. I wonder how many of us fund these sites... I have heard of seedier sites…

I've done all that stuff too. It sucks for me because the pool is pretty modest hereabouts. I haven't sent ~150 unanswered messages, for example, because there aren't 150 women I'd message in Perth.

When I stopped taking it seriously, my results improved. Periodically I get bored and close my account for a few months. When I come back I rewrite my profile. It's fun. Very liberating. Try it.

(There's also the time-honoured tactic of spawn camping -- on OKC you can sort profiles by newness).

Re: A Million First Dates

#38

Post by dusing »

Evbn wrote: post #20
aes256 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People change; they come and go. To me, the notion of marriage flies in the face of this basic observation. How can you possibly commit to spending the rest of your life with someone when you know so little about how they will change, intentionally or not? > The 'think of the children' argument is pretty strong here. We all know the stats: kids from single-parent families tend to grow up in more negative environments…

People don't change totally randomly. Relationships take work, like any other hobby or vocation

People don't change as much as they'd like to think too. Especially after a certain age, 26-30? They are more predictable than not

Re: A Million First Dates

#39

Post by singular »

mykosmos wrote: post #34
dusing wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You should really try a pay site, OKC in my experience has just been for hookups. People are way more judgemental there. Also I would think a dating site where you could search for shorter girls would be helpful than real life, no?

The thing is... even short girls want tall guys... =)

I remember seeing this thing on TV where people with disabilities attempted to find dates, and a ~ 3' woman who featured on it said she preferred men >= 6'. QED.

Re: A Million First Dates

#40

Post by TinyBig »

singular wrote: post #27

For a certain subset (perhaps minority) of the population, these sites are nothing but a bait-and-switch. And I think dating sites attract many of us (as I am indeed a member of this subset.) I'm talking about people who lack the pre-requisites women require for mate selection which if not fulfilled, no other characteristics typically matter. Firstly - height - if you are significantly below the national average, you…

"From what I have read, the general experience of dating sites is that men get very few replies, and women are inundated, so the task for a man is to do anything to stand out, and the task for women is to filter."

How is this different from regular/non-online dating?

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