I’m not sure exactly why I share this, perhaps I think some comments about suicide being an “escape hatch” resonated with me. I’ve since sought support, going just short of self-hospitalization, and I was on a SSRI until recently switching to a non-antidepressant.
While life remains Messed Up, I keep telling myself two things: (1) If you’re really considering killing yourself, try “ killing yourself” in the gym (often super hard exercise makes me feel infinitely better); and (2) “Wouldn’t it make a better story if I didn’t (kill myself)?”
I’m getting through, day by day, and I’ve got some strong “protective factors,” however they’re not invincible or bulletproof so I need to remain vigilant and avoid doing anything impulsive. And just try to remember that if I keep making good decisions one day at a time things will get better in the long-run.