Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

sevanoland.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 114 posts

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#51

Post by sekh60 »

noduerme wrote: post #11
skeptical1884 wrote: post #3

In a similar vein to this essay, I want to be a father so badly. I love being a woman, and am satisfied with the machinery I have been given. But having to be the incubator means I am saddle with the full brunt of the responsibility and expectation once the baby is born. I go from woman to mother. And with it comes judgement and duties, and goes freedom and care-free living. I want to be a father so I can raise a kid…

hm. I don't know why you couldn't be a great father. In the sense you're talking about. I know it would come with the physical baggage (or not, if you adopt?) A friend I love dearly is raising a 3 year old little girl... she never expected to get pregnant at 42... and she is as much a father as a mother. She lets the girl play in mud puddles while other parents stare, and collect bugs, and go look at art in museums.…

My brother is the fun uncle of my daughter. Know the fun uncle is always appreciated. You should visit them soon :) And tell my brother to get back here for his overdue visit.

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#52

Post by globular-toast »

throw839948499 wrote: post #47
roenxi wrote: post #35

There is an element of this essay that seems a bit short on the whole rights-and-responsibilities concept that should be highlighted. On the one hand, she's right that most people would want a wife and she gives a reasonable overview of why. That is why men generally want wives. The wives bring a lot to the table. If you do the same exercise for husbands, generally most people would also want husbands. The men also b…

> most people would want a wife Are you sure about that? Maybe that was true in 1970ties or even yearly 2000, but today stats are pretty clear: most men do not want a wife! Modern women have ethical troubles with making even simple sandwich. Tons of legal risks. 60% people today are overweight and on mental medication... And fathers in families today are portraited as a homer simpson! All the stuff wife brinks to the…

Well, they probably want one, as in the essay, but have just accepted they can't have one and moved on with their lives.

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#53

Post by graemep »

bill_joy_fanboy wrote: post #23
skeptical1884 wrote: post #3

In a similar vein to this essay, I want to be a father so badly. I love being a woman, and am satisfied with the machinery I have been given. But having to be the incubator means I am saddle with the full brunt of the responsibility and expectation once the baby is born. I go from woman to mother. And with it comes judgement and duties, and goes freedom and care-free living. I want to be a father so I can raise a kid…

I just love how you assume being a father is easy. Grass is always greener and what not. Being a father comes with its own responsibilities and subjection to judgment by the community. The phrase "deadbeat dad" is in the common vernacular, but you rarely hear about "deadbeat moms" (trust me, they exist). > full brunt of the responsibility and expectation once the baby is born This is simply not true. If this were tru…

Deadbeat mums definitely exist. I was married to one. A woman who wanted to be a traditional housewife and flat out refused to work gradually did less and less and eventually we divorced leaving me a single dad.

I think a broader problem is that women assume that as men do not have the problems women do, we are better off and lack the empathy to realise men have different problems. Its pretty evident in things such as the higher suicide rate for young men in many countries.

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#54

Post by noosphr »

I keep reading about what women did in the 70s as housewives and compare it to what they can do today.

The current generation of women falls so wildly short pieces like this read more like science fiction than any fiction of the period.

I'd happily pay mid six figures to someone who can provide the whole housewife package.

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#55

Post by graemep »

blfr wrote: post #37
ZenoArrow wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> and expectation once the baby is born. This can be resolved by choosing a better man as a partner, one that is supportive and willing to be an equal partner. I understand finding someone that fulfills that as well as this person also being someone you're attracted to and compatible with socially is challenging, but I have seen relationships like this before so I know it's possible.

This cannot be resolved, you will not be an equal parent or even close to it the first few months, maybe even over a year. Breast feeding and various dependencies that develop (like that the kid wants to fall asleep at the breast) mean that most of the effort of parenting early falls on the mother. And then there's the fact of life that other stuff needs to be taken care of. Trash still needs to be taken out, groceri…

That is true for a few months. You have children for rather longer than that. Even with breast feeding you can express the milk. I did that. I used to work from home with my younger daughter asleep in a sling.

Your child might want the mother, but this is no true of every child. Different kids in the same family can be different in this way too.

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#56

Post by swagasaurus-rex »

dash2 wrote: post #4

Here’s a thesis: the feminism of the 70s was a reaction specifically to the trends of the 60s. You can see this here in 2 places: the double standard and easy acceptance of male infidelity; and attitudes to divorce.

The trope of society praising male promiscuity is largely an invention of the 20th century.

Biblical and Hebrew texts all encourage punishment of both man and woman in instances of adultery.

As a man I don’t like promiscuous men because they’re competition. I don’t want to introduce my female friends to them because they’re not relationship material, and I don’t find them trustworthy as a wingman. Call it jealousy, but I think the same dynamic applies to the other gender.

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#57

Post by marttt »

sersi wrote: post #31
marttt wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ... And be praised whenever a diaper is changed or I fetch the little one from school. I may be calling names now, but maybe this is an unnecessary "oldschool" meme that should already be forgotten. In my country (Estonia), I don't see dads actually being praised for every small childcare chore they courageously complete. Nobody does that, really. It's more like a meme that e.g. feminists love to bring about and ke…

I'm in Hong Kong, fathers do get praised for childcare chores but it also comes with a downside. Despite being very active in my school PTA, being one of the only fathers being a "Class Parent", and spending a lot more time at my son's school, whenever my son is hurt the reflex they have is to always call the mother. And that's despite the fact that everytime my wife tells them to call me. They praise dads for being…

Great example, thanks for sharing! We seem to have that same reflex (always calling moms in case of emergency) in our country. I guess it just takes time, probably a few decades, for societies to really start trusting dads as caregivers equally to moms. By trust in this regard I mean "pay no attention whatsoever to the sex of the caregiver because it doesn't matter".

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#58

Post by graemep »

EdwardDiego wrote: post #33
skeptical1884 wrote: post #3

In a similar vein to this essay, I want to be a father so badly. I love being a woman, and am satisfied with the machinery I have been given. But having to be the incubator means I am saddle with the full brunt of the responsibility and expectation once the baby is born. I go from woman to mother. And with it comes judgement and duties, and goes freedom and care-free living. I want to be a father so I can raise a kid…

I'm a father, have had sole custody of my five children for 8 nearly 9 years. Both parents have the same responsibility to their kids, to do the absolute best for them, and we should fight back against outdated cultural norms that assume that mothers are the default parent, and that fathers "babysit" their own children.

> and that fathers "babysit" their own children.

That really, rally annoys me.

> we should fight back against outdated cultural norms that assume that mothers are the default parent

Its changing very slowly. Its very deeply ingrained which is self-reinforcing (schools phoning the mother when a child is sick is an example that came up in a previous discussion). Its assumed by the law in many countries (virtually no paternity leave here in the UK, for example).

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#59

Post by noosphr »

swagasaurus-rex wrote: post #56
dash2 wrote: post #4

Here’s a thesis: the feminism of the 70s was a reaction specifically to the trends of the 60s. You can see this here in 2 places: the double standard and easy acceptance of male infidelity; and attitudes to divorce.

The trope of society praising male promiscuity is largely an invention of the 20th century. Biblical and Hebrew texts all encourage punishment of both man and woman in instances of adultery. As a man I don’t like promiscuous men because they’re competition. I don’t want to introduce my female friends to them because they’re not relationship material, and I don’t find them trustworthy as a wingman. Call it jealousy, b…

How many concubines did Solomon have?

Re: I Want a Wife (1971) [pdf]

#60

Post by madaxe_again »

brobdingnagians wrote: post #36
skeptical1884 wrote: post #3

In a similar vein to this essay, I want to be a father so badly. I love being a woman, and am satisfied with the machinery I have been given. But having to be the incubator means I am saddle with the full brunt of the responsibility and expectation once the baby is born. I go from woman to mother. And with it comes judgement and duties, and goes freedom and care-free living. I want to be a father so I can raise a kid…

My wife has some severe challenges (hormonal and otherwise), so I have changed almost all diapers, and work part time/nights as a software developer purely for the fact that I need to be available to take our child regularly throughout the day, at one point I was full time childcare and job. My wife has a free pass to go on day trips and climbing excursions for her mental health. I guess the point is, to find someone…

This stuff cuts both ways. We talk in terms of “men this, women that”, but the reality is much closer to “people”.

In the past, societal norms provided a lot of shelter for the shitty behaviour of men - and they still do - but it doesn’t follow that men have a monopoly on shitty behaviour.

My reality is full time stay at home parent, sole breadwinner, chef, handyman, school and holiday organiser, and being constantly lectured about My Part in the Patriarchy.

I don’t see this as an indictment of women. I see it as an indictment of my chosen partner, and my decision making in this category.

And there’s the rub. As long as we categorise behaviour by gender, we’ll perpetuate a dynamic that permits shitty behaviour with gender as an excuse.

Post reply on HN