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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#761

Post by thunspa »

cableshaft wrote: post #611
thunspa wrote: post #581

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A bit off topic, but would you share a few of your favorite board games? Thank you!

Lately I've been playing a lot of cooperative games with a lot of clever card play, often against some sort of boss or some other win/loss condition, and usually it needs a lot of expansions so I can keep trying new combinations of heros/villains/scenarios. I can set them up and play a game or two solo most evenings. So the ones I keep coming back to are Lord of the Rings - The Card Game, Legendary (mostly Marvel sin…

Thank you, I had no idea such games even existed.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#762

Post by tuomas7 »

fg137 wrote: post #475
tuomas7 wrote: post #465

I have a positive look on this. Most successful people I know have much higher number of children than the average. Unicorn and decacorn founders with 2-5 kids, every single one I know. I think it's the energy and desire to live a rich fulfilling life. Building a company was part of it, but at least for me, family is ever greater fulfillment. From where I can see, all are still together with their kids parent and see…

They are not driving their kids to daycare/schools/doctor's office themselves. If you have the means to let someone else take care of your kids, sure. The vast, vast majority of people, including most tech company employees, need to make arrangements for these everyday chores, some of which affect which meetings they have to skip and when/if they can show up in the office.

Yep absolutely. Available support network (grand parents) and what role your partner has, can make a big difference. If you don't have these available, nor the means to pay for extra childcare, cleaning, cooking at home then it becomes more difficult.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#763

Post by thunspa »

stackskipton wrote: post #590
thunspa wrote: post #580

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The replies in this thread are already very good. I'm a dad of two, but I won't add anything more than that you will be hard pressed to find a parent who will regret having children. I understand the bias in it, but people can be persuaded into honesty and, under anonymity on this website, are more likely to be honest about such things.

Partner and I are childfree but in talking with other parents about it, I've had 3 admit, if they knew now, they wouldn't have had kids or had less. My father was one of them.

Interesting. Did they cite any reasons?

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#764

Post by thunspa »

Jtarii wrote: post #664
thunspa wrote: post #580

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The replies in this thread are already very good. I'm a dad of two, but I won't add anything more than that you will be hard pressed to find a parent who will regret having children. I understand the bias in it, but people can be persuaded into honesty and, under anonymity on this website, are more likely to be honest about such things.

>you will be hard pressed to find a parent who will regret having children It is such an extreme social taboo to admit you regret having your children that even if you find someone that does you would never know.

I agree, I would assume anonymity would allow for some honesty here, but I agree.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#765

Post by koliber »

zkmon wrote: post #748
koliber wrote: post #285

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know if progress made it more hard to spend time with kids, on average. In older generations, men spent relatively little time with little kids. I don't know if it was social convention or lack of time. Either way, it seems that now a lot more dads are spending time with kids than 2 generations earlier. I agree that it is hard, but I would not paint a bleak picture.

Kids don't need dad's time. They observe and learn. Dad might minimally guide occasionally, but there shouldn't be an expectation for dads to sit with kids. This kind of expectations makes it hard to have more kids.

I found that the time they spend with me, their dad, observing and learning how I do things, impacts them positively.

I don't know if they need it or not, but I do see that they benefit from it. And it feels good too.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#766

Post by thenoblesunfish »

Gareth321 wrote: post #377
thenoblesunfish wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One is 6 years, the other is 6 months.

This is arguably the toughest it will ever get. It's very normal to feel all kinds of tough emotions right now. If this were climbing Mount Everest, you'd be near the top.

You are probably right! But you might be assuming I wanted kids before I realized it wasn't all I'd hoped. I never really wanted them but said ok to my partner. I figured that most of the nicer and more fulfilled older people I knew had kids. Then again now I wonder if that's because there are plenty of older fulfilled people without kids off doing their thing and not interacting with the likes of me.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#768

Post by thenoblesunfish »

close04 wrote: post #401
thenoblesunfish wrote: post #345

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel a lot of regret having had children. Not 100%, but it's always going to be more than 0%. I adore my kids but it's too much for my brain and it makes me miserable a lot of the time. I don't bring it up except to counsellors (or anonymous internet bros, apparently) because (a) it's not actionable - there is no going back (b) it's a bummer and no one has anything to say about it.

> it's a bummer and no one has anything to say about it. I think a lot of people could have something to say about this but they're afraid of being branded bad parent or bad people. > it's not actionable - there is no going back Going back isn't the only way to take action. If you can't change the trigger you can try to control to a degree how you feel about it.

True - ultimately I will have to, as that is the only escape from suffering.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#769

Post by thenoblesunfish »

Der_Einzige wrote: post #588
thenoblesunfish wrote: post #342

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's social pressure in some cultures, but even in those (sub)cultures which don't have the explicit pressure to have kids, people have a drive to procreate. I cannot tell you how many couples I know who decided they would not have kids, or would only have one, and at a certain point one partner (usually a woman in their late 30s or early 40s if I am being honest) decided this was the most important thing and…

Sadly for many of these women the clock hit too late. They call it "geriatric pregnancy" if it's after 35 for a reason.

Yup. Several of these people I know left it too late and went through a lot with IVF or adoption of just not having the kids they wanted.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#770

Post by ahahs »

katzgrau wrote: post #59

YC reject so I bootstrapped and was thankfully able to hit profitability before my first kid showed up. I’ve now got two. I also have dreams bigger than ever. In fact, writing this while sitting on the couch with the kids watching Muppet Treasure Island while my kids are wearing pirate hats and waving foam swords. I’m still extremely productive and prolific. Probably less compared with before. But before, I had frien…

so your first meal of the day is at 5pm? and you manage to workout and attend work all day on no food?
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