Earlier quoted context omitted.
Kids love beaches!
Bearings on a stroller not so much.
There are toy wagons (Dutch: bolderkar, is "toy wagon" really the correct translation?) that are great fun for transporting kids on a beach.
Being ambitious and being a dad
601–610 of 802 posts
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#602I have a good friend who has a special needs kid and we've discussed his struggles at length - suffice it to say that it takes an order of magnitude more time and attention than what's described here. The thing is, you of course don't get tipped off that you've been selected for that particular curse (and yes, I'd say it's a curse. It's not some inspiring after-school special thing, it's unfair as f*k to all involved…
In some cases you CAN be tipped off about this, and even abort as a result depending on where you are!
Many people act like this is some sick thing to do. It's mercy.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#603The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…
I kinda agree with you but Could you please elaborate on “ having kids does all the good things in life at once” as I dont see how is that so straightforward. I’m actually currently really conflicted on the idea whether I want or dont want kids.
Looking back, I found most Internet comment section advice about having kids to be unhelpful. There’s a cliche that gets rephrased 1000 different ways to say a variation of “It’s a lot of work and my kids drive me crazy but I wouldn’t trade it for the world”. Now that I am a parent that advice feels like it oversells the negatives and fails to explain why people like their kids.
Truthfully, it is hard to relate to non-parents why you enjoy your own kids. It’s completely different than babysitting someone else’s kids. It’s your family and you like being with them. After work I’d rather hang out with my kids and go for a bike ride or build legos with them instead of relax and watch TV. I’m kind of dreading the day that they don’t want to spend so much time with me because we have so much fun. It’s a little extra motivation to get my work done early and start my day early so I can have more time with them, which is something I never thought I’d say as a nights and evenings person.
The extra work is more work than if I didn’t have kids and just relaxed after work and on weekends, but it’s not the world-ending grind like some people talk about. The early part where they’re waking up through the night and need constant feedings and changes goes by quickly and then you’re into a routine and teaching them ever more self sufficiency. I wouldn’t dwell on it, or at least don’t let it be an obstacle to imagining the rest of your years with a family. It’s a year or two of altered sleep schedules for 40 years of having a family.
Getting balanced takes from happy parents around you is a good idea. Online it’s too easy to get drawn into social media whirlpools of unhappy parents venting about things, but I’ve found the best advice comes from the happy parents around you that are quietly enjoying their lives without bringing up the topic of kids. You have to bring it up with them. Depending on where you work, it’s possible that the average person around you has a family and is happy about it, but they’re not bringing it up all the time because it’s just normal life for them.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#604Earlier quoted context omitted.
You don’t need children to have these sorts of feelings, unless you can only get them from some small people who don’t have any choice but to love you.
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Wow I didn’t think that stale term was used anymore outside of boomer circles on Facebook
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#605Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Teachers told me that becoming a parent was the worst thing in the whole world That’s…unhealthy and unusual.
I think they were trying to scare us into not having sex. Or at least having protected sex. Either way, they made all the kids watch videos about teen pregnancy and how it would ruin our lives. They also repeated it frequently in sex education. They focused on how terrible it was to have children. The struggles, etc. I suppose it is difficult for teens to understand nuance, but it certainly left a fairly grim impress…
Oh this is when you were a student? I thought this was as a parent with kids in school.
Getting pregnant (especially in the wrong state) in the US as a high schooler can absolutely ruin your life. In some states it can even get you killed due to the legal chaos still happening in hospitals.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#606[deleted]
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#607I’m a dad who has struggled with this too. I’ve also had the privilege of getting to know a relatively large number of highly successful people.
One thing I’ve noticed is that, yes, to make it into the history books you likely have to pursue your career at the cost of everything else (and be insanely lucky).
But right below that degree of one in a billion success is a much larger group of very successful people who manage to achieve admirable balance in their lives. Their spouses love them, their kids want to spend time with them, and rhey might even have a hobby or two.
The thing is, these people tend to be quieter - a few I know are downright secretive. They aren’t constantly online or in the press seeking validation because they have achieved fulfillment at home and work.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#608The thought of having kids brings up really complex feelings for me. I feel like the biological clock is ticking louder and louder and yet I barely have a career to speak of. I live with the constant burden of ADHD and have always struggled to hold down a job. The optimist in me thinks that maybe things will improve in the future and I should just take the plunge and figure things out. The pessimist worries that I'm…
If it helps, I find a kid genuinely grounding. Absolutely best thing that happened to me. And I'm divorced, which isn't exactly optimal scenario.
Lots of people talk about how kids are hard and there is some truth to it. Nobody mentions how ridiculously, insanely fun they are.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#609I have a positive look on this. Most successful people I know have much higher number of children than the average. Unicorn and decacorn founders with 2-5 kids, every single one I know. I think it's the energy and desire to live a rich fulfilling life. Building a company was part of it, but at least for me, family is ever greater fulfillment. From where I can see, all are still together with their kids parent and see…
They are not driving their kids to daycare/schools/doctor's office themselves. If you have the means to let someone else take care of your kids, sure. The vast, vast majority of people, including most tech company employees, need to make arrangements for these everyday chores, some of which affect which meetings they have to skip and when/if they can show up in the office.
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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#610Earlier quoted context omitted.
If I have Internet still sure. You got any of those job things to spare btw?
I didn’t like what the market was offering, and I didn’t like depending on other people not firing me, so I made one for myself where I can work on what I like the way I like (started a small software business). You can, too. It’s the simplest and cheapest business to start in the entire history of humankind, and you literally just sit with your laptop at home all day pressing buttons
Did you forget what the post we're commenting on is about?
I watch a toddler all day so my wife can do her best to not get let go too along with household work that other people pay people to do. I'm not building a business that can pay my mortgage with 2 hours of free time at night.