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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#451

Post by tuesdaynight »

sacul wrote: post #161
tedggh wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There’s never a right time to have kids. But having them older has its perks. You are much more calmed, patient, you are wiser and likely financially stable. Throwing money at problems definitely makes life 10X easier when you have kids, something most people can’t do in their 20s or even 30s.

I disagree. As a father of nine children, I submit that the best time to have children is when you’re young. The next best time is now . Sure, you’ll be poor, and you’ll make lots of mistakes. But how do you know you’ll be able to have children later? And what’s so important now that makes it worth putting off children?

I don't know if you are joking, but being poor is something big for most people. Specially people who don't make as much as SWEs did in USA in the last decade

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#452

Post by sneak »

Derbasti wrote: post #252
marssaxman wrote: post #32

The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Having grown up in a large family within a religious subculture full of other large families, the amount of time and attention children consume was crystal clear from a young age, and I knew that I was going to need every scrap of energy I could spare for the work I wanted to do. Ye…

> The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Raising kids is probably the most meaningful and significant thing I have done with my life.

Everybody says that because it makes them feel good.

In reality, simply adding more children to the pool doesn’t accomplish anything real.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#453

Post by Jtarii »

flkiwi wrote: post #431
Jtarii wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Having kids is incredibly significant, and more world-changing than most of us will ever do This is a strange thing to say. Where does the "world changing" part come from, is it just in the parent's head? Or are you expecting it to be in the actions of your children? Surely your parents would have also done something "world changing" by having you, which implies that your existence is already world changing. Maybe t…

Creating a sentient person and equipping him or her to exist in and affect the world is by definition world changing, and to a far greater and more sustained degree than almost any entrepreneurial activity. The usual construct is “I thought I knew what was important until I had kids,” which I have historically actually been uncomfortable with (because imho being a good parent is as much about being fully you than put…

I guess sure, but if the main "world changing" thing you do is have children, then that would imply that the main "world changing" thing your children do, is again have children. So if your child turns out to be infertile or something, has your "world changing" effect suddenly vanished? If the only real value you have as a person is to create more people.

> “I thought I knew what was important until I had kids”

I wouldn't doubt this, obviously in the mind of the parent their children are going to be an almost spiritual experience. But it seems like the most important thing children -actually do- is make their parents happier.

People usually talk about children in terms of how it makes them feel I guess, "my children give me meaning" etc. With the children being more of an abstraction of "potential".

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#454

Post by sneak »

jraby3 wrote: post #430
Gareth321 wrote: post #266

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. I'm well travelled. Have had a very fun and satisfying dating life. A great career. Accomplished many life goals. Nothing comes close to fatherhood. Which frustrates me immensely, because I feel that society at large did everything it could to convince me that parenthood is terrible. Movies and TV shows portrayed only the bad. Teachers told me that becoming a parent was the worst thing in the whole world. A w…

I've thought about this and while I agree with you completely, I think the reason why is not just society at large. Externally what most people see is the time suck, money suck, and frustration with teaching behavior, fixing bad behavior etc. What's so easy to miss is the immense feeling of love, of being needed, of being loved, that words can't describe. I frequently tell people I feel like the grinch after he disco…

You don’t need children to have these sorts of feelings, unless you can only get them from some small people who don’t have any choice but to love you.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#455

Post by alexpotato »

When I was in high school, my dad was an executive at a large international Fortune 500 finance firm.

His main job was to fly around the world and train salespeople on how better attract and retain clients.

One year, he was traveling for 180 days aka half of the entire year.

For many years I was somewhat conflicted about this b/c on the one hand he wasn't around much but on the other hand my mom didn't have to work, we had a great life and got to take international vacations every year.

As a father now, I appreciate the sacrifice my dad made to not see us as much but to provide a great life for his wife and kids.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#456

Post by [deleted] »

spicyusername wrote: post #398

The older I get the more I realize ambition and "being ambitious" is a completely misplaced way to orient your life. The chance of validation from others is not a good reason for making one choice or another and a life made of choices of that kind will eventually leave you spiritually bankrupt. Make decisions based on what you're passionate about, based on what will bring and keep meaningful relationships into your l…

[deleted]

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#457

Post by ceplabs »

I started off and a shy, awkward (probably autistic) computer programmer wondering if I could ever convince a woman to marry me. Now I'm on my 3rd kid and hoping for more.

Parenting gives to access to a part of the world you never knew existed. The school events, sports, Cub Scouts, neighbors down the street. You meet people who are trying to create a great world for their children. Your interests align, so you end of working together on it. You actually become part of the community.

I used to be Mr. Career, and maybe someday I'll get back to it. But right now my job plays such a small role in my life compared to my family.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#458

Post by laurentiurad »

A lot of juggling with words here: being ambitious, a builder, competing etc. It really boils down to the same thing: making more money + fame. The author should really stick to that and stop hiding behind big words. There's nothing noble about the recent slop-producing startups that YC funds. They do not make the world a better place.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#459

Post by inigyou »

Jtarii wrote: post #436
inigyou wrote: post #383

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Demographic collapse is happening due to resource/environmental blowback, but many of the resources in question are artificial ones like money and jobs.

Demographic collapse is happening because women finally have the choice to have fewer or no children and can have them later in life due to career options.

Their wanting to do that is due to resource/environmental blowback.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#460

Post by tuesdaynight »

astura wrote: post #368
i_am_a_peasant wrote: post #279

Earlier quoted context omitted.

and yet most nobel prize laureates seem to be family people. I found that adult responsibilities have a way of making me very very intentional about how i spend my time.

Most nobel prize laureates have children because the vast majority of humans have children.

And I would bet that most of them don't spend a lot of time with their kids.
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