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Being ambitious and being a dad
511–520 of 802 posts
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#512Sorry if this offends anyone but why must we choose between having a great career and being a great parent. Why is it a zero-sum game? Want to be great at something neglect your children to do so. Want to be a great parent, fine you have a mediocre career. From the article you are ambitious about building things. Well guess what children are, the ultimate piece of clay from which you get a front row seat to mold. If…
Hear hear. Although being great at something and being a great parent do not have to be mutually exclusive.
You can work yourself to death with or without kids. You can also have a successful career and a great relationship with your family.
This whole premise that one must come at the expense of the other seems like rationalizing, or excuse-making, or maybe just another caustic result of capitalism.
And even if the drive to compete is so real, why stop at competing for either/or? Why not compete at being a whole person according to your own values?
To hell with anyone who says you can’t have the life you want. Win at being yourself.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#513To achieve maximum career success & maximum effort to be a great dad is not possible.
Time, energy, & your age are finite. That’s all there is to it.
However, if the metric of career/financial success is reduced to just net worth gaining at X% rate consistently, then it is possible to spend as little time as possible on career success and maximum time to be the best dad possible.
I retired after realizing and choosing this path.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#514Earlier quoted context omitted.
I was on the fence for a long time as well. It just looked like a lot of work. And not to sugar coat it, it _is_ a lot of work. But it’s also been so rewarding. You get to see someone experience things for the first time, like riding a bike or eating a tomato. Teaching them it’s ok to have feelings, helping them overcome their fears, watching them make friends. Giving them the advice I wished I had heard from someone…
Surely a lot of this can be experienced by associating with parents and their children rather than having them yourself, right? This may sound somewhat reductive, and please correct me if that is the case, but I find that I can be around and play with my nephew and experience all of this wonder and how he progresses through life, while not being around for the sleepless nights and tantrums that I feel are the "work"…
In the spirit of this forum and at the risk of being very cringe, I’d guess that’s like being the founder of a company versus being one of the early employees :)
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#515Earlier quoted context omitted.
I've thought about this and while I agree with you completely, I think the reason why is not just society at large. Externally what most people see is the time suck, money suck, and frustration with teaching behavior, fixing bad behavior etc. What's so easy to miss is the immense feeling of love, of being needed, of being loved, that words can't describe. I frequently tell people I feel like the grinch after he disco…
You don’t need children to have these sorts of feelings, unless you can only get them from some small people who don’t have any choice but to love you.
I think it could be possible to replicate this without children, but it is extremely uncommon. Ask any parent if they could accomplish the same before they had kids. I have never met a parent yet who thinks it's possible.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#516This hits home
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#517Earlier quoted context omitted.
Unless you need a job to keep that kid housed because you made the unfortunate decisions of taking jobs at companies that didn't use kubernetes...
Man, re-read this comment in 10 years
If I have Internet still sure.
You got any of those job things to spare btw?
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#518Earlier quoted context omitted.
Interesting perspective. Your first paragraph also describes my experience, perfectly. However, even though I also think nothing comes even close to parenthood for me, my perspective is that society strongly encourages —I'd even say strongly pressures— people to have kids, to feel that if you don't, it's almost like something is wrong with you. Maybe we're just different generations? :-)
I never felt that pressure to have kids. In fact, even though I waited until I was in my mid 30's, I was the first in my social circle to have kids (I guess I hung around with younger people?). I knew since I was a kid myself that I wanted to someday be a father. If society pushed me, it would have been when I was still in elementary school. After I had kids though… It was strange to scroll through coworkers social m…
It really does put the partying in perspective, doesn't it? It helps focus what really matters, and it's usually not alcohol and fancy dinners.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#519Earlier quoted context omitted.
I was on the fence for a long time as well. It just looked like a lot of work. And not to sugar coat it, it _is_ a lot of work. But it’s also been so rewarding. You get to see someone experience things for the first time, like riding a bike or eating a tomato. Teaching them it’s ok to have feelings, helping them overcome their fears, watching them make friends. Giving them the advice I wished I had heard from someone…
Surely a lot of this can be experienced by associating with parents and their children rather than having them yourself, right? This may sound somewhat reductive, and please correct me if that is the case, but I find that I can be around and play with my nephew and experience all of this wonder and how he progresses through life, while not being around for the sleepless nights and tantrums that I feel are the "work"…
In part, for sure. I was an uncle for a long time, which formed part of my hesitation. But there’s a different level of investment and connection if you are responsible for something 24/7. Like visiting someone’s house and seeing their dog do a trick, vs having your own dog and training it. There’s people who can articulate it better than me, but (not to sound sappy about it) the first time I held my firstborn my world changed.
Edit: I think another poster put it well that “it wasn’t about ‘me’ anymore”. Depending on your disposition, this could be great or it could be really bad. I’ve definitely changed for the better over the course of being a parent.