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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#471

Post by ramesh31 »

xyzelement wrote: post #441
ramesh31 wrote: post #434

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think men in this day and age have been hoodwinked just as much as women when it comes to the career vs. family debate. For a man there is truly nothing more important in life than having a family and providing for them. It is what we are evolutionarily tuned towards and anything short of it will leave you empty and hollow. There's a desperate longing for fulfillment and meaning among our generation that a lifetime…

Yup. And would you agree that being sufficiently "indoctrinated" into the right thinking by your own parents and grandparents is the only way through?

>And would you agree that being sufficiently "indoctrinated" into the right thinking by your own parents and grandparents is the only way through?

Maybe it is. But there's still something to be said for breaking out of that and trying to see your own way in the world. Until it beats you back down and biology takes over and you start to understand life. Kids can only be taught so much; they have to burn their finger on that stove in their own way and time. Millenials still had that connection to and context of the old world that the younger generations now do not; (my wife and I have expressed that we want the life our grandparents had together, to the bewilderment of our Boomer/GenX parents), so maybe we have a bit of leg up in that regard. But I think the ones who didn't will come around naturally as well as the social media driven hustle culture burns itself out.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#472

Post by WalterBright »

le-mark wrote: post #378
WalterBright wrote: post #264

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When your dependents have sucked all the life out of you, you can kick the bucket:) Don't laugh, there's a reason for it. Read the book "The Red Queen" which explains all this.

Is this the teen novel or something else? Curios how a teen novel could address these issues?

https://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/0...

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#473

Post by dsauerbrun »

alkonaut wrote: post #470

This guy equates ”ambition” with ”career ambition”. Getting children means splitting your ambition between work and family. And family always comes first. There are no excuses for anyone, no matter how ”ambitious” or entrepreneurial, to work a 50 hour week if you have young kids at home.

That's a pretty narrow viewpoint. I could see many examples where it's better to work than focus on your kids... At least for society. Leader of a country comes to mind as one of those jobs

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#474

Post by JKCalhoun »

russelldjimmy wrote: post #275
karmakurtisaani wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like when young people think they want to do significant and meaningful things, they think about things that will make them famous in one way or another. Most of such things are neither significant nor meaningful.

This is very true :) I used to think this way, and then I realised that I actually want to be famous and respected. After some time, I realised that I just wanted the approval of people. And finally I realised all I wanted was to feel loved and cared for.

Or perhaps you simply just wanted to finally love yourself.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#475

Post by fg137 »

tuomas7 wrote: post #465

I have a positive look on this. Most successful people I know have much higher number of children than the average. Unicorn and decacorn founders with 2-5 kids, every single one I know. I think it's the energy and desire to live a rich fulfilling life. Building a company was part of it, but at least for me, family is ever greater fulfillment. From where I can see, all are still together with their kids parent and see…

They are not driving their kids to daycare/schools/doctor's office themselves.

If you have the means to let someone else take care of your kids, sure.

The vast, vast majority of people, including most tech company employees, need to make arrangements for these everyday chores, some of which affect which meetings they have to skip and when/if they can show up in the office.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#476

Post by nonethewiser »

alphabeta3r56 wrote: post #332
latentsea wrote: post #298

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ever built something and felt proud of it? Like 'that was cool' or 'that was neat'. It's like a never ending source of that feeling. Most things you do in life just don't last that long, but raising kids lasts a really long time.

Yes. I keep getting that feeling everyday with my work as of now. And I also got a PhD after fighting a lot of hardship including huge opposition from my parents to the effect of having lost contact with them. But what you said does ring a bell in that, I need to be constantly doing my work in getting that feeling. (apart from my PhD which every once in a while makes me go wheeeee). I guess with kids, its like my PhD…

Now imagine all that drive and motivation except you’re doing it all for someone else.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#477

Post by manmal »

sneak wrote: post #454
jraby3 wrote: post #430

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've thought about this and while I agree with you completely, I think the reason why is not just society at large. Externally what most people see is the time suck, money suck, and frustration with teaching behavior, fixing bad behavior etc. What's so easy to miss is the immense feeling of love, of being needed, of being loved, that words can't describe. I frequently tell people I feel like the grinch after he disco…

You don’t need children to have these sorts of feelings, unless you can only get them from some small people who don’t have any choice but to love you.

There‘s a lot of ancient biology at play in raising kids. You won’t get exactly this kind of feeling elsewhere. Doesn’t mean it has to be your kids though. You just need to be an important part of their life.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#479

Post by Jtarii »

inigyou wrote: post #459
Jtarii wrote: post #436

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Demographic collapse is happening because women finally have the choice to have fewer or no children and can have them later in life due to career options.

Their wanting to do that is due to resource/environmental blowback.

Wealthy people are also having less children than they used to. Unless you are arguing that people are having less children due to potential societal issues around global warming.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#480

Post by sneak »

It should be a lot more shameful to pretend that having kids is a normal or healthy activity.

It’s selfish, unnecessary, consumes immense amounts of resources, increases unfair social policies against those who are intelligent enough to avoid it, and almost universally induces a delusion in the parents that they have done something meaningful, helpful, world-changing, or profound, without affecting their ability to notice the plainly obvious fact that humans have evolved this delusion to keep them bonded to the incredible amount of time and inconvenience caused by children so that the species will continue.

Pro-natalists will of course dismiss this view as abnormal, simply because they themselves have succumbed to this delusion. There is no objective benefit to society or others caused by reproduction, and the harms are well-documented (increased resource consumption, crowding, increased need for resource redistribution, etc).

Kids are nothing but a burden to anyone other than their parents, yet society is so biased toward children that everyone in society is forced to accommodate and pay for the poor choices of parents. Parents are encouraged nonstop to have children they cannot afford to fully care and provide for.

It is a nonstop tragedy from all angles.

Children are a luxury option, like buying a Porsche or taking regular vacations to the Greek isles. You probably can’t afford to do it well, it burdens everyone around you for your own pleasure, and after you’re done you haven’t meaningfully improved the world for anyone.

Most people have children by accident, or out of motivations formed exclusively from fear, selfishness, narcissism, or greed. Societal traditions allow and encourage them to paper over these motivations with noble illusions.

Do not in any way confuse the good that human beings have accomplished with the need to produce more of them.

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