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Being ambitious and being a dad

nicholascharriere.com

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Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#461

Post by marliechiller »

sneak wrote: post #454
jraby3 wrote: post #430

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've thought about this and while I agree with you completely, I think the reason why is not just society at large. Externally what most people see is the time suck, money suck, and frustration with teaching behavior, fixing bad behavior etc. What's so easy to miss is the immense feeling of love, of being needed, of being loved, that words can't describe. I frequently tell people I feel like the grinch after he disco…

You don’t need children to have these sorts of feelings, unless you can only get them from some small people who don’t have any choice but to love you.

Do you have children? If no, then how can you make this assertion? If yes, what or who is filling the gap that children fill for you?

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#462

Post by Tangurena2 »

kakacik wrote: post #410
somenameforme wrote: post #243

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd also agree with this. Children don't make you give up your ambitions in the least. However they will almost certainly make you rethink what is important in life. It's not even conscious like an 'ok I give this up, in order to get that' but rather they just make you feel very differently, in a way that you can't really explain. But it's good, very good.

100% agree with this. But its not uniform for everybody, mothers generally change and throw away previous life after having kids in ways that most men don't. Some fathers are similar (and few mothers are similar to average guy) but difference is pretty big when you dig deeper.

That's mostly due to social pressures and expectations - women are expected/demanded/forced to perform most of the child care duties. Which is why when a man does child care (in the US at least), he is seen as "helping out", even if he is the full-time caretaker/househusband.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#463

Post by K0balt »

For me (father of 5 adult children, +2) being an older man and an experienced father (and grandfather as well) my parental responsibilities have largely changed what being ambitious means. As a man in my late 30s to 40s, I was ambitious in a fairly conventional sense, although my focus was a little unconventionally centered. Over the last decade or so, my focus has drifted to ways I can prepare my family for, or influence outcomes of the course of events. Some of those things are intersectional with creating value and benefiting from that process, but that part has become a lot less important to me even if it isn’t any less urgent.

At my age, you start to understand the trajectory aspect of life and how changing circumstances put the lie to the illusion of stability and permanence. You start to glimpse things in the context of centuries, with decades as fundamental units rather than years, or months. Even things that happened before you were born begin to seem recent, and things evolving half a decade or more in the future are fairly clear and immediately relevant.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#465

Post by tuomas7 »

I have a positive look on this.

Most successful people I know have much higher number of children than the average. Unicorn and decacorn founders with 2-5 kids, every single one I know.

I think it's the energy and desire to live a rich fulfilling life. Building a company was part of it, but at least for me, family is ever greater fulfillment. From where I can see, all are still together with their kids parent and seem like ok parents themselves.

I also, had a successful yet still a great, supportive dad. He traveled a lot for work, was in one of the highest engineering positions available, all through my younger years. Still a great dad. He is immensely curious about us kids (and now grandkids), positive, kind. I think the curiosity part made him a great engineer but also a great parent.

I have 3 kids now and while it's true there's less time, I guess my experience has thought me not to think of it as any kind of limiting factor towards life.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#466

Post by sneak »

xp84 wrote: post #183
Apocryphon wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Easy to prescribe, hard to implement for the last two generations or so

It's not like people had an established career when they had kids at 19 in the 1940s. They just didn't view "being halfway to a comfortable retirement" as the prerequisite to having kids, the way my generation thinks it is.

It is absolutely a prerequisite to having kids responsibly.

Education and health care are fantastically expensive now, as well as inflation chipping away at purchasing power, each year more than the last due to compounding effects.

To have children without being financially secure is one of the most foolish, selfish, and irresponsible things anyone can choose to do.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#467

Post by tuesdaynight »

_tk_ wrote: post #409

I kinda miss the argument why so many “ambitious” people are bad parents. Maybe because it is too obvious? If you are not present for your child at the time your kid grows up (before and after school, weekends, etc) you are not a parent at all. You’re a roommate with certain privileges, but no child is interested in that. People who work 60+ hours a week will be “worse” parents than others.

I don't think a lot of people will agree with you here because it's HN, but you are right. There are exceptions, of course, and it's way easier for the father to still have a career, but I have seen personally the difference between the parent that stays at home and the one that goes out to work. The connection with the children is different. I would hope that AI gives them more time with their children, but I know that it will not happen

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#468

Post by anonymars »

nonethewiser wrote: post #424
alphabeta3r56 wrote: post #270

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? Noy disputing you but I am childless yet primarily I cannot think why bringing up a kid would be significant or meaningful. Like once I have a kid, then that kid has to be the most significant part of my life. But before that, why?

>Why? Noy disputing you but I am childless yet primarily I cannot think why bringing up a kid would be significant or meaningful. Its because they are more important than anything else to a parent. You are invested in their outcome more than anything else. I don’t see how this isn’t obvious.

> I don’t see how this isn’t obvious

What contribution does this add to your point? It comes off as a put-down

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#469

Post by frank00001 »

Just have a simple rule. The period from 4pm to 8pm in the week days are holy. No work - no phone. Kids are the top priority.

If you can stick to this you are most likely spending more time with your kids than a normal non-ambitious parent anyways.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#470

Post by alkonaut »

This guy equates ”ambition” with ”career ambition”. Getting children means splitting your ambition between work and family. And family always comes first. There are no excuses for anyone, no matter how ”ambitious” or entrepreneurial, to work a 50 hour week if you have young kids at home.
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