Earlier quoted context omitted.
Rather sounds like they’ve given them their life back.
Am not sure what your statement means? :) who is "them" and who is "their" in this?
I read it as “them” and “their” is the OP and “they’ve” are OP’s children.
Being ambitious and being a dad
321–330 of 803 posts
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#322The so called human progress and advanced lifestyle made the simple and natural things such as having kids an adventure. Where did the "progress" go wrong? Why did it take us backwards in the very basic goals of human life and why is it still called progress?
I don't know if progress made it more hard to spend time with kids, on average. In older generations, men spent relatively little time with little kids. I don't know if it was social convention or lack of time. Either way, it seems that now a lot more dads are spending time with kids than 2 generations earlier. I agree that it is hard, but I would not paint a bleak picture.
It was both, however where I lived, a few years before fathers would get up at 6am and go and work down a mine all day, or a shipyard or factory. They might get home at 6pm but after dinner they'd quickly go for a pint or go fishing or go to the football. Women often didn't work, or worked part-time so they could take the kids to school so saw a lot more of the kids and managed the household more.
Now women have the freedom to work, so both sexes can choose to avoid seeing their children if they want to. Bleak indeed.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#323"Startup, parenting, hobbies, friends. I think you can do 2 of these well. But you'll have to quite light on the others." Someone on X, don't recall who, but it resonated.
Why not having a hobby that includes friends? Playing in a band, singing in a choir, hiking, learning a language in evening school, going to the pub, just to name some of the possibilities. There are a lot more.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#324Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why? Noy disputing you but I am childless yet primarily I cannot think why bringing up a kid would be significant or meaningful. Like once I have a kid, then that kid has to be the most significant part of my life. But before that, why?
Because any fault of theirs feels like a fault of yours, but you learn that you cannot fix faults of theirs like you can (try to) fix faults of yours. You learn to become a parent, a teacher, a guide, a kind of friend, in the most deeply connected relationship you’ll ever have. A relationship that exposes you to every fault of yourself, while you feel the deepest love for and connection with your children. A connecti…
Thank for your answer. I appreciate that.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#325Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think one of the reasons that a lot of successful founders are in their mid-40s is because they combine 20ish years of experience with an empty nest after kids are out on their own. Nothing to back it up, but it makes sense to me.
Raising kids is fabulous experience for management. If you can convince a five-year-old that greens are tasty, you can motivate almost anyone.
Raising kids is a fabulous experience for management of kids.
Trying to apply the lessons to adults... I pity either the manager, or the adults.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#326Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why? Noy disputing you but I am childless yet primarily I cannot think why bringing up a kid would be significant or meaningful. Like once I have a kid, then that kid has to be the most significant part of my life. But before that, why?
It is kinda weird, because you feel so much more tired all the time. Yet at the same time you have so much more motivation to do _everything_. It is like I feel 50% more tired, yet 200% more engaged with everything I do. It really makes your life a lot more meaningful. Before I would waste so much time engaging on video games / internet-browsing / TV-youtube / etc and just not enjoying the time I spent. It felt very…
Thanks. I have a friend who says the same as you.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#327This person is gonna burnout soon. If you have no clue why I would say this after reading this article, you might burnout soon as well..
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#328A somewhat unpopular opinion, but personally I don't mind being kind of absent in my kids' lives relative to others' expectations. I think there's been some expectation creep around parental involvement for high-achieving couples without much concrete evidence that it hurts long-term outcomes, assuming the child is otherwise healthy and well taken care of. There's also something to be said for leaning on grandparents…
I think the difference between your opinion and others is that for many being a dad is the intention and not an expectation. They want the experience of being an active and present parent. If it were purely about obligation, in this day and age they probably just wouldn't have children.
aka helicopter parent. Taking all the time and all the space. Poor kids.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#329Earlier quoted context omitted.
> The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Raising kids is probably the most meaningful and significant thing I have done with my life.
Agreed. I'm well travelled. Have had a very fun and satisfying dating life. A great career. Accomplished many life goals. Nothing comes close to fatherhood. Which frustrates me immensely, because I feel that society at large did everything it could to convince me that parenthood is terrible. Movies and TV shows portrayed only the bad. Teachers told me that becoming a parent was the worst thing in the whole world. A w…
As much as I sometimes wonder what life would have been like as DINKs, the feeling of my 7 year old girl sneaking up behind me to give me a cuddle outweighs all of the fast cars and long walks on the beach I personally could ever have.
Re: Being ambitious and being a dad
#330Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, the group dynamics of, say, a family with two children: 1. Kid A plays with Kid B 2. Kid A plays alone and Kid B plays alone As compared to a three-child household: 1. Kids A, B and C play together 2. Kid A plays with Kid B, Kid C plays alone 3. Kid A plays with Kid C, Kid B plays alone 4. Kid B plays with Kid C, Kid A plays alone 5. Kid A, Kid B and Kid C all play alone So, in a bigger family, many more commun…
I disagree, when looking at 3-kids setup out there in the world. Ie my wife comes from such, she is the oldest and all 3 follow the typical 3 kids pattern - oldest was pushed into most responsibility to the point of trauma, middle one feels unappreciated and has inferiority complex as middle ones often do, and youngest is by huge margin the most spoiled one. This is the default for 3 kids that many parents end up wit…
Insightful comment, got me thinking, thanks for sharing. I suppose, in the end, there isn't all that much logic in human relations, or there are always far too many "unknown unknowns".