> homohysteria
Do men (here) experience this often? Not often? I’ve not stumbled into this problem in many years. Perhaps this is an exaggerated issue.
And I’m still making male friends - not every day, but not none!
You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
21–30 of 48 posts
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#22I assure you I am indeed uncool.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#23I think people should foster "regular things" in the tiny things in their life. Not huge group potlucks/etc.
If you go to lunch with a friend, ask "would you like to do this regularly?"
lunch/walk/hike/movie/dinner/gaming/sewing/driving/
weekly/every two weeks/every first saturday of the month
don't worry about flakiness
I've done this with a few people and my life has gotten better.
at first it was a little awkward, but people RESPONDED to it. Others need this too!
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#24For people into music: Would you be interested in an app that lists music events in your area, where you can register yourself as going, and where people can apply to go with you? What do you think would work well? What do you think the pitfalls might be?
This exists for the electronic music scene, Radiate.
It looks like Radiate is an app-mandatory secondary ticket marketplace, I might be looking at the wrong Radiate though.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#25Earlier quoted context omitted.
I created (well ... bought the domain) https://clubs.fyi to solve this problem for myself, after I moved to a new city and found myself with no friends for like the 4th time in my life[1]. And yes, the findings in TFA are true. The main catalyzer is something you do regularly with another person. That's it. It could be just sitting next to each other, but weekly. The best thing for this is joining a club, clubs happe…
That's advice to meet activity partners, not friends. Think of your closest friends. Did you set out to meet them by looking for people with their exact interests? Maybe you did and you and your friends are part of a scene, but I'd bet most people did not. On advice like yours, I started a niche club and ran it for 3 years. When people join your club, they're not there to meet you! They're joining to participate in t…
My closest friends came to be because I spent significant time around them.
>The main catalyzer is something you do regularly with another person.
The easiest thing to do that in an intentional way is to find regular activities and do them with other people. The activity is the excuse to be together for x amount of time every week, be it whatever. If you choose something you genuinely like, not only will your intent be more sincere but even if you didn't meet anyone, at least you did something you enjoyed.
This is advice for people who have zero or one friends. If you already friends, then, by definition, you don't have this problem. Also, a bit controversial but useful, people who don't have this problem usually give very poor advice to people who have it. "Just make more friends, bro".
I'm curious to hear if you can think of a better way to make friends irl with a decent chance of success.
>I started a niche club and ran it for 3 years.
Did you not make one single lasting connection (friendship) from that?
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#26I think people should foster "regular things" in the tiny things in their life. Not huge group potlucks/etc. If you go to lunch with a friend, ask "would you like to do this regularly?" lunch/walk/hike/movie/dinner/gaming/sewing/driving/ weekly/every two weeks/every first saturday of the month don't worry about flakiness I've done this with a few people and my life has gotten better. at first it was a little awkward,…
You are spot on.
Throughout school, my mates would meet up at a lookout on Wednesday @ 3-5ish PM, go grab dinner and just hang out.
Been doing this for 7 years straight. There is enough of us that someone being sick or away doesn't impact anything.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#27For people into music: Would you be interested in an app that lists music events in your area, where you can register yourself as going, and where people can apply to go with you? What do you think would work well? What do you think the pitfalls might be?
I’m interested but then I ask: who pays? Not cynically. Just, is this a hobby for someone? If so, awesome. In my town we have a WhatsApp org for local musicians that helps with gear exchange, gig promotion, collaboration, etc. Restaurants and bars and event spaces use a myriad of promotion vehicles. Other local businesses. The paper. Official announcements from the town. Other events. Etc. Same with the groups playin…
There are multiple websites that list events in London. I have quite niche music tastes, and would pay a few quid per month for the opportunity to get in contact with people who want to go to the events I'm interested in.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#28For people into music: Would you be interested in an app that lists music events in your area, where you can register yourself as going, and where people can apply to go with you? What do you think would work well? What do you think the pitfalls might be?
"Lists events in your area" is always the hard part. The bars in my city don't have public APIs. If you start small and local, you could maybe get buy in from some places, "Send this address an email with event details and I will help you get butts in the door!" Also if you build any app that lets you meet new people, especially new people with compatible interests, Match Group will buy you out and turn whatever you…
There is a number of centralised places for finding music events in London. None of them allow you to find people to go with. Regarding being bought out by Match: I wouldn't complain.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#29I'm 50, I have more real friends, every year of my life. Making new friends isn't hard, you just need to make it a priority, if you don't prioritize it then it won't happen.
One of my old best friends from my 20's/30's only leaves the house to go to work, sits alone on social media circle jerk politics, never returns texts, the few times I've seen him he just complained about not having friends and it being everyone else's fault.
If you want to make more friends, leave your house, go out and volunteer somewhere. Return calls/emails/texts with the people you meet. Do the work, get more friends.
Re: You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard (2021)
#30Earlier quoted context omitted.
I’m interested but then I ask: who pays? Not cynically. Just, is this a hobby for someone? If so, awesome. In my town we have a WhatsApp org for local musicians that helps with gear exchange, gig promotion, collaboration, etc. Restaurants and bars and event spaces use a myriad of promotion vehicles. Other local businesses. The paper. Official announcements from the town. Other events. Etc. Same with the groups playin…
There are multiple websites that list events in London. I have quite niche music tastes, and would pay a few quid per month for the opportunity to get in contact with people who want to go to the events I'm interested in.
London city or London and all surrounding small town areas? I’m outside NYC. Tons of apps in NYC market and I can’t imagine another. But the suburban market has fewer or none.
My point was that even as an avid music fan, I don’t hear a lot of folks looking for another app for this but maybe I am way underestimating what’s possible.