"I now have an entire life to live without him existing." Beautiful but sad words.
Even more poignant given the beginning, where he wrote how his dad "had an entire life to live before I even existed".
I love you, dad
101–110 of 219 posts
Re: I love you, dad
#102This hit pretty close to home. My father just moved in with me after calling me last week and telling me he was going to kill himself. I managed to calm him down and convince him to move in with me for a while, so hopefully this is the beginning of the road to recovery. Reading the comments helps to know there are others helping to carry the burdens of their own families. Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories.
Make sure he is getting professional treatment. It is a bad idea to try to take on the burden of a loved one's serious mental illness on your own.
This is a very good point. If your loved one told you he had a broken leg, you wouldn't try and fix it yourself, you would seek a professional.
Re: I love you, dad
#103Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you want to have kids and want a partner that is into that, that's fine. However, being self-centered and wanting to be a parent aren't mutually exclusive, as I have met adults whose parents were/are extremely self-centered and that factored in heavily into the abusive situations those adults lived in when they were children. > And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I'm not really sure wha…
I know lots of self-centered people that are parents. What I mean is that it is hard to find women that actually WANT to live a life of sacrifice, living for the family, instead of living to themselves. I've met some women that when I ask if they want to be mother they say: "Oh, sure!" And then I ask: "So, when you have your 4 months old kid, you will stay at home to take care of it if your husband is rich enough for…
And what would you answer to the same question?
"So, when you have your 4 months old kid, you will stay at home to take care of it if your wife is rich enough for that?"
Re: I love you, dad
#104Earlier quoted context omitted.
I know lots of self-centered people that are parents. What I mean is that it is hard to find women that actually WANT to live a life of sacrifice, living for the family, instead of living to themselves. I've met some women that when I ask if they want to be mother they say: "Oh, sure!" And then I ask: "So, when you have your 4 months old kid, you will stay at home to take care of it if your husband is rich enough for…
> What I mean is that it is hard to find women that actually WANT to live a life of sacrifice, living for the family, instead of living to themselves. Well, in most of the western world women had no choice in the past but to take on those roles, regardless if they wanted to or not. That we see women rejecting this kind of role because they have more choices is a good thing. I'm sure there's plenty of folks out there…
>If someone wants to do this and has the means to do so, is there a problem? //
For the child it would seem so.
I don't really understand why people who don't want to - or aren't willing to - love and care for a child choose to have children.
Re: I love you, dad
#105Earlier quoted context omitted.
Actually, the crumbling of the family is quite new. The past 50 years has seen a rapid and sad dissolution of the family: http://dalrock.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/p70-126_pdf_hist_...
All this chart shows in an increase in the number of single mother households over time, particularly starting in the 1960s/1970s, in the United States. Whether or not you see that as sad depends on what you know of the living conditions women experienced in the time before that, conditions which gave rise the 2nd wave feminist movements. Suffice it to say the same underlying social and gender disparities existed pri…
As far as I am aware, children living with both parents do much better in life in a variety of metrics (income, criminality, academics, child poverty, and etc.). While easier divorce may have led to an increase in equality for women, it has also had an immense negative impact on children.
Trade-offs exist, whether or not we choose to ignore them for ideological reasons. You are free to believe that the modern world is better off, despite the costs. But you should be aware of the costs.
Re: I love you, dad
#106I've never met Markus Persson, but its obvious from reading his tweets and posts that he is a good person. If anyone deserves the success he's had, its him.
There's actually quite a few good people in the world. They are just less noticeable than assholes, because they don't stick out as much.
Indeed. Arrogant people get their requests fulfilled more often than humble people because they push for it, and many people who have the power to give that stuff are either arrogant and depise humble people or humble and intimidated.
It's pretty sad.
Re: I love you, dad
#107Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think he's correct. Being pregnant and giving birth is tremendously challenging (and rewarding, to many), but is a drop in the bucket compared to the entire rest of your life being about Not You. Not only do you face the constant lack of sleep, but you now have to worry about financial planning, raising the kid to be a good human, etc. Having a kid is easy. Raising a kid (well) is hard.
Sorry, but you too are showing breath-taking ignorance and considerable lack of sensitivity and tact, even with the clues staring you in the face. Let me be just a little more blunt - it's not only the case that for some people having children is not easy, but in addition, it's a big deal that they CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN. Now, have you got the point?
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Re: I love you, dad
#108Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you want to have kids and want a partner that is into that, that's fine. However, being self-centered and wanting to be a parent aren't mutually exclusive, as I have met adults whose parents were/are extremely self-centered and that factored in heavily into the abusive situations those adults lived in when they were children. > And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I'm not really sure wha…
I know lots of self-centered people that are parents. What I mean is that it is hard to find women that actually WANT to live a life of sacrifice, living for the family, instead of living to themselves. I've met some women that when I ask if they want to be mother they say: "Oh, sure!" And then I ask: "So, when you have your 4 months old kid, you will stay at home to take care of it if your husband is rich enough for…
Will you stay home with your 4 month old if your wife is rich enough?
By your definition, if you answer no, then you are "self-centered", to the point where you wouldn't consider yourself a good partner to have children with.
On the other hand if you answer yes, then you have solved your problem. Doesn't matter how "self-centered" your spouse is, you will take care of the kids either way.
So, assuming a rich wife (or rather a wife with high income) is easier to find than one that's willing to give up her career, if you want the greatest chance that your children will have a full time caregiver that's one of their parents, you should look for a rich "self-centered" woman, not a selfless one :)
Re: I love you, dad
#109One of the most honest, deep, meaningful and moving posts I've seen here in my short history in HN. I wish you'll never know sorrow again, my deepest condolences.
Re: I love you, dad
#110My father has substance abuse problems too (alcohol dependency for 20 years) and it has destroyed his relationship with my siblings and my mother, he's going to lose what little he has left very soon and I genuinely fear he's going to do something very similar to what is mentioned here. I am the only child that will talk to him without contempt and I have long since left home. He lost his own father very recently and…
Feel free to email me at jevinsweval@gmail.com if you (or anyone else) would like to chat. I grew up with an alcoholic family member who is thankfully sober for almost two years now after 20 years of drinking. There is no single answer but there is hope.