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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#781

Post by datenyan »

HeartStrings wrote: post #654

"According to Reddit” - so many lives have been ruined listening to what gremlins on social media have to say. It’s simple. If you want, approach. It’s not dangerous, you won’t get cancer. If they don’t want to talk, you will stop talking with them and talk with someone else. "I am deeply afraid of irritating someone or being in awkward situations." - anyone who thinks like this is suffering from abused dog syndrome…

> ... anyone who thinks like this is suffering from abused dog syndrome and unironically has lost at life.

I mean, social anxiety - the neurosis itself - is just this. People haven't "lost at life" for having a mental health problem. I think it's quite commendable that someone can recognise their own shortcomings in this regard and work on it in a positive light.

What you might find easy, someone else might find exceedingly difficult - for example, people who find it difficult to keep up their health when they are clinically depressed.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#782

Post by molszanski »

socalgal2 wrote: post #701
dweekly wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My read on the book was "humans are really good at telling if you genuinely care about them or not and will respond well to that, so you should genuinely care about the people around you, and good things will result from that overall, especially if you're not super mercenary about it." Bill & Ted said it most pithily: be excellent to each other.

Serious question - what is your definition of "genuinely care"? The Carnegie example doesn't show "geninuely care" to me. It's nice, I think I should do it. Give people random but geninue complements. It's nice. It costs nothing. It makes both of us feel good. But, is that "genuinely care"? I ask because I'm bad at conversation. I hear this "genuinely care" and I just, usually, can't get myself to do it. I don't care…

You can fully care about one person at a time.

You can not genuinely care about every person on the planet every moment.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#783

Post by dlivingston »

philipwhiuk wrote: post #689
nunez wrote: post #641

Earlier quoted context omitted.

crossfit made the gym (and free weights) cool crossfit became popular as a side effect of "bootcamp" style workouts in the 2000s-2010s, like the Spartan Run, Tough Mudder, Rucking, etc. mark rippetoe, creator of Starting Strength, was heavily involved in crossfit. between that and him franchising his Starting Strength practice, powerlifting became more widely practiced. once Instagram started building lifestyle brand…

This stuff comes in waves and every generation thinks that it's unique. Adidas was originally a pro fitness brand like Gymshark is now. Gymshark will become athleisure just like Adidas, it's just a matter of time. Crossfit is just the name for HIIT training that's pumped as a new branded workout. Note that already it's now Hyrox. It will be something else in a few years.

Former Crossfitter. HIIT routines are prominent in CrossFit but it is more than just that.

CrossFit is functional fitness, meaning the goal is to build a broad foundation of athleticism - strength, speed, agility, endurance.

So, while HIIT is prominent in the WOD (workout of the day), so are Olympic lifts, running, climbing, and mobility.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#784

Post by komali2 »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #698
komali2 wrote: post #393

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Huh, having read the book and about Dale Carnegie, I completely disagree with that take. There's plenty of stories where he does the opposite of avoiding conflict and faces it straight on - such as when he just ignores a cop's random order for him to keep his dog on a leash at the park.

Cop’s telling someone to follow the law is the opposite of random.

No, it's the definition of random.

On the road, what percentage of drivers are violating a law? I would say above 50%. Either speeding, windows tinted too much, driving distracted, having something hanging from their rearview, or not having confirmed all their lights work before driving. Now what percentage of those people actually get "told by a cop to follow the law" in any given day?

The same is true for all violations. It's random whether they get enforced - the strongest influence being, where cops are actually deployed, hence why lower income people get snapped up a lot more, since cities tend to put more cops in their neighborhoods.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#785

Post by splitstud »

socalgal2 wrote: post #701
dweekly wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My read on the book was "humans are really good at telling if you genuinely care about them or not and will respond well to that, so you should genuinely care about the people around you, and good things will result from that overall, especially if you're not super mercenary about it." Bill & Ted said it most pithily: be excellent to each other.

Serious question - what is your definition of "genuinely care"? The Carnegie example doesn't show "geninuely care" to me. It's nice, I think I should do it. Give people random but geninue complements. It's nice. It costs nothing. It makes both of us feel good. But, is that "genuinely care"? I ask because I'm bad at conversation. I hear this "genuinely care" and I just, usually, can't get myself to do it. I don't care…

[dead]

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#786

Post by splitstud »

weregiraffe wrote: post #663
dweekly wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My read on the book was "humans are really good at telling if you genuinely care about them or not and will respond well to that, so you should genuinely care about the people around you, and good things will result from that overall, especially if you're not super mercenary about it." Bill & Ted said it most pithily: be excellent to each other.

How can you make yourself genuinely care about something you don't care about? It sounds as plausible as changing your own sexual orientation.

[dead]

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#787

Post by m3047 »

mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

Find the Leary Wheel somewhere. People have referred to the Hypernormal / Overconventional slices as the "Dale Carnegie Quadrant".

Oh nevermind. Let's see what this attracts: http://athena.m3047.net/pub/fwm/leary-wheel.png

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#788

Post by m3047 »

I interpret the OP's quest as just that, a personal quest. Some of the comments here however are just out of this world.[0] I almost would have made one like that myself but I read the article.

I appreciate the commenters as spice for the casserole. So that's why I upvoted it: a well-spiced casserole.

[0] Sure, plenty of us here are into social engineering.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#789

Post by m3047 »

safety1st wrote: post #343
nate8bit wrote: post #7

I think picking up people at the bar is easier than making friends at the gym - what you want is to join a crossfit gym, or something that has a stronger community culture to it. Not the gym.

There's a pub in my city where the staff greet you when you walk in and actively encourage you to sit at a table that's already occupied. If you come in alone you'll probably end up sitting at a two person table where inevitably there will be a stranger right across from you, with a couple similar tables right next to it. Of course if you want to be alone you can go sit in a corner somewhere. Needless to say everyone…

I'm of half Mediterranian heritage and there was an Italian restaurant that I started eating at out of spite at the French one next door where I had a horrible experience. A little commercial strip across the street from a cemetary. Great food, big hearts.

Nobody ever suggested sharing a table, but if you offered and there was a seat available they'd seat you / someone there. They got busier, and the line started going out the door; people were doing this in line, because if you said you had a "full table" they would seat you at a family table and you could often get ahead of at least part of the line.

The French place closed and the Italian place moved downtown. The end.

I didn't end up with any enduring friends, but I met some great people who I shared food with, learned some interesting things. Riding Amtrak in first class (on the Starlight) was similar.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#790

Post by subscribed »

nathanielks wrote: post #376
subscribed wrote: post #327

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or maybe they have one of the millions of reason to not want to talk with the strangers. World is not your amusement park, people are entitle to NOT wanting to talk to you as much as you feel entitled to talk with everyone.

> World is not your amusement park That's literally what the world is. It's the amusement park for all of us. Some of us like sharing our joy with others. It's up to you whether you are open to receiving it.

Oh, but I'm not opposed to joy or taking to strangers. I just respect that some may not want that for all sort of reasons, all valid to me, regardless of how superficial they are.

And notice the subtle difference: in response to your (IMO rather entitled) expectation that everyone should be open to talking to you, I said that the "world is not your amusement park", to which you responded shifting it slightly to "world is the amusement park for all of us" -- I agree with the latter, I just want you to not expect everyone behave like it was yours :)

All the best.

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