Talking to strangers at the gym • Hacker News Board

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#101

Post by rjh29 » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:00 PM UTC

GuB-42 wrote: post #43

setgree wrote: post #11

Good for you, OP! Climbing gyms are especially good for making friends because you are working on problems with people. My gym has a weekly meet up for people looking for belay partners as well as classes where folks talk. Crossfit might also do the trick, as might a running club. Good luck!

The other thing with climbing gyms, especially bouldering is that you only spend maybe 20% of the time climbing. With 80% time off, that's a lot of opportunities for socializing. You don't get that with the high intensity training like Crossfit where you spend maybe 70% of the time working out and 30% of the time dying.

And socialisation happens naturally. You're waiting and lots of other people are doing the same. You are working on problems and can exchange tips or complements or cheer people on. It's inherently social.

The gym is not inherently social unless you are actively spotting / alternating uses of a single machine. You either join that group of gym rats (who in my experience spend 80% of their time talking) or you put your headphones on and crack on solo.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#102

Post by skrebbel » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:01 PM UTC

outime wrote: post #21

If you want to build a relationship with someone, try asking them for a small favor rather than offering one first* (or, for example, making random small talk about the weather). Most people love to help and feel useful. If you're new to the gym or want to learn a new exercise, you can simply ask for help. It's something we'naturally do if we weren't so afraid of approaching strangers. *just paraphrasing a famous quo…

proper psychopath stuff this. seriously just be nice to people. OP gets it right.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#103

Post by qweiopqweiop » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:02 PM UTC

mwelpa wrote: post #31

Imo talking to strangers at the gym is hard. I made friends there just by saying 'Hi', waving to them when we started to see each other working out often enough. Then once you're using the same equipment or get dressed in the locker room you have a conversation about whatever and there you go. Anyway, the fastest way I made friends outside of school was at a language course, where you have to speak a lot about someth…

100% this. As you say, language courses need content so a lot of it is talking about your life/opinions. Super easy to make friends after a few weeks of that if you make a tiny bit of effort

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#104

Post by booleanbetrayal » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:03 PM UTC

I spent several years living in Mississippi. As someone who was fairly introverted upon arriving in the Deep South, I had that hammered out me pretty quickly, during every opportunity for social interaction. It's just part of the culture to engage. I think my time in that area was a bit of a mixed bag, but that one change was for the better, and it has led to wealth of relationships since. Most people yearn for some bit of connection, and it's not that difficult to be the catalyst.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#105

Post by throwjjj » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:04 PM UTC

[dead]

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#106

Post by anondarhimes » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:04 PM UTC

This was excellent.

If I may toss out another recommendation: Volunteering is one of the best ways I have found to meet people.

A food pantry, house of worship, the library, a community theater, a political group, an environmental service group, local writers group, homeless shelter, women's center, whatever - there are so many things to choose from.

I found several advantages to making friends this way:

1. no/low stress because you are doing them a favor showing up. Any volunteer-based organization NEEDS people. YOU are people. They NEED you. Don't be stressed because you might not know what's going on. They will be GLAD to see you.

2. Volunteer onboarding processes force other humans to be nice to you and get to know you in order to place you in a service group or provide you an assignment. The people that most organizations have doing this are outgoing and friendly. I'm generalizing, but having served with a bunch of volunteer organizations, I have found this to be the rule. I was often one of them.

3. If you are volunteering for something that you care about / believe in / are passionate for, then you INSTANTLY know that you are meeting people with something in common. This gives you both something to talk about or bond over.

Source: I met my wife and many friends volunteering in different organizations.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#107

Post by Tade0 » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:05 PM UTC

outime wrote: post #90

Tade0 wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Spotting is a different thing, as you're communicating that you're entrusting your safety with that person. Imagine someone instead asked you to wipe down the equipment for them or help putting the weights back. Different signal altogether.

That sends a different signal, because you're asking someone to do something you could do yourself but simply choose not to, which is essentially what you described above as "taking advantage of others". However this is quite different from what I described in my comment. If you see every request for help as someone taking advantage of others, I'd encourage you to reconsider why you view everyone that way. It might a…

> If you see every request for help as someone taking advantage of others

Let me rephrase, because there seems to be some kind of misunderstanding here:

To me this advice applied broadly would take the appearance of such a signal, even if weak. The framing of "do it because people like to help" is something which wouldn't even occur to me as motivation to ask for help.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#108

Post by grunder_advice » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:06 PM UTC

I feel, like a lot of 21st century life is trying to do things artificially. Going to the gym, talking to strangers at the gym, ... these are both artifical replacements for human activity that is missing. You go to the gym because your daily routine isn't active enough. You try to form friendships with strangers because your daily routine lacks real and fulfilling interactions with other people.

Also it's kind of odd how nowadays everyone goes to the gym. Growing up as a late-stage millenial, gym goers were a niche subculture. Now it marketed to everyone everywhere as this integral part of modern daily life.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#109

Post by jsksoswk » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:08 PM UTC

alexmuresan wrote: post #98

mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

Well, your instinct is right from the title. “influence” is a euphemism for “manipulate.”

Affecting influence is subtle manipulation. A compliment about someone’s hair is great if you genuinely admire their hair.

But if you read a book about influencing people and suddenly start complimenting people’s hair, time for some introspection.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#110

Post by helgee » Mon, May 04, 2026, 2:09 PM UTC

outime wrote: post #21

If you want to build a relationship with someone, try asking them for a small favor rather than offering one first* (or, for example, making random small talk about the weather). Most people love to help and feel useful. If you're new to the gym or want to learn a new exercise, you can simply ask for help. It's something we'naturally do if we weren't so afraid of approaching strangers. *just paraphrasing a famous quo…

The Ben Franklin effect is real! My experience at conferences has improved significantly by ending talks on a personal note and explicitly saying that I have trouble approaching people but very much like being approached and chat about anything. This usually leads to interesting conversations in the breaks. Please give it a try if you are like me and aimlessly wander the hallways in between sessions otherwise.