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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#401

Post by jgwil2 »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #201
cal_dent wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you're wrong personally. I'm very far away from being "an older British lady" and agree a lot with the article. Honestly, in the least combative & confrontational possible, your thoughts there are just an excuse to not reach out and engage with the rest of your world. It's a little sad (not you, the situation itself) because if more people had that same thought, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy with no o…

>Your thoughts there are just an excuse to not reach out and engage with the rest of your world. My thoughts are formed from personal experience. You get a few experiences and you get the hint.

It's interesting because it's undoubtedly true that bias and prejudice affect one's interactions with the world. At the same time, it's true to that this can contribute to a vicious cycle via self-fulfilling prophecy.

I would say that sometimes you have to make a distinction between truths about the world and beliefs that can be helpful to you personally; sometimes these are in contradiction with each other, so you may find that you have to prefer to fiction to the truth in order to achieve better results.

This seems to be very common and accepted wisdom in the world of sports: a weaker opponent going against a stronger opponent may have virtually no chance of success, but they can marginally improve those chances via "belief."

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#402

Post by metalliqaz »

SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I have tried this at various times. But, while some people are lovely, there are some that are miserable and there are plenty that are simply... uninterested. When you are slightly awkward, not particularly attractive, and not wealthy, you have to get used to people just turning away, avoiding eye contact, expressing mild cues of disgust, and so forth. It's really quite painful to try.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#403

Post by Stratoscope »

SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I have a couple of tricks that get people to talk to me.

Well, they're not really tricks, just things I do anyway.

One is that I wear an aloha shirt every day, and I shop at Trader Joe's.

Quite often someone thinks I work there and asks me where to find something. I usually know where things are, and if I don't, I find them someone who actually does work there.

One time the guy restocking the freezer said, "Nice aloha shirt! I bet people sometimes ask you where to find things."

30 seconds later, a lady walked up to me and asked if we carry organic bread. So I walked her over to the bread section and pointed out some organic options. Then back to the freezer section: "You were right!"

Another trick is to take my cat Oakey for a walk in his cat stroller. People see the stroller and expect to see a baby in it, and are surprised to see a cat! Children walking with their parents especially love to see Oakey, and he enjoys the attention.

Sometimes you just have to seize the moment. Last year I was at a friend's company summer picnic. One of her colleagues brought her ten year old son. He was wearing an astronomy T-shirt. They were sitting at another table, and as they got up I asked him, "Are you into astronomy?"

"Yes."

"I have a very important question for you. Pluto is still a planet, right?"

"Yes it is!"

We high-fived and I said, "Welcome to Team Pluto!"

We've seen each other at subsequent company events. It is always fun to hang out with a fellow astronomy enthusiast of any age.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#404

Post by beaker52 »

closewith wrote: post #373
beaker52 wrote: post #347

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone. It doesn’t happen by staring at the floor and minding your own business. Quite the opposite, mostly. Despite illusions and every misguided attempt, when in public, you’re not actually in an impenetrable little bubble. And when your bubble bursts, you can laugh, or get angry. I recommend choosing laughter because it’s easier on the eyes…

> Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone. Well, mastering the art of talking to anyone involves being able to initiate a conversation with people of many cultures, in many mental states, in many circumstances. A master of talking to anyone won't begin with a condescending and invasive comment, as they will recognise that beginning a conversation disrespectfully is unlikely t…

You’re being condescending and invading my space, now fuck off.

Am I doing it right?

No. That’s responding with aggression, to an otherwise placid comment.

I posit that you would be better off practicing being less offended and stuck up your own arse, and learning to live a little.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#405

Post by h2zizzle »

dml2135 wrote: post #392
bsenftner wrote: post #350

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of seemingly casual interactions in the US turn out to be someone trying to sell something. When that happens a 3rd time, you start to ignore random chatter from someone that seems too friendly. The salesperson tactics abuse common social conversation rules, and one ends up feeling like they are being forced to be mean and rude to an idiot. So, to avoid that, we push away chatty strangers in the United States.

I would not say that this happens "a lot". This is the sort of thing that one tells themselves to justify their own introversion.

Change "sales tactics" to "pickup attempt" and I think you'll find it a lot harder to dismiss it as a reason - not because it's true, but because of how much of a headache it is to get on the bad side of people who insist it's true. I'm gay (and active), but don't really present as such, and it's remarkable how often I receive, "I wish this creep would stop hitting on me/generally being an unattached male in my presence," vibes. I didn't want to believe it myself, until I noticed the markedly reduced occurrence when speaking to women who were visibly much older than I am. For women my age and younger: I'm not interested, but they think I'm interested, and that is a convo killer.

On the guy side, they usually seem too preoccupied to talk, or are moving with friends/family where interjecting as a stranger would be weird (because you either need to address the group or else you seem like you're attempting to break them off into a conversation away from that group). Though I'll give that the "too preoccupied" is sometimes merely an affect hiding, "This loser has nothing to offer me."

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#406

Post by beaker52 »

rafaelero wrote: post #386
beaker52 wrote: post #347

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone. It doesn’t happen by staring at the floor and minding your own business. Quite the opposite, mostly. Despite illusions and every misguided attempt, when in public, you’re not actually in an impenetrable little bubble. And when your bubble bursts, you can laugh, or get angry. I recommend choosing laughter because it’s easier on the eyes…

I like you.

Wanna get married?

(Ah man, I’ve done it again. Please don’t hurt me, for intruding on your personal circumstances with my mouth sounds and finger symbols)

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#407

Post by fredrikholm »

keiferski wrote: post #278

A tip from a past life working a customer service / food service job: Learn a few words in a variety of languages. They are great conversation starters / expanders – I made a lot of actual friendships by talking to people (after taking their orders), asking them where they’re from, and then knowing a few words in their language. Nothing makes people happier than hearing someone speak their native language, no matter…

Learning basic Levantine Arabic has brought me more smiles and free meals than I can count. It's been deeply healing in challenging the negative narratives surrounding these very warm people.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#408

Post by jadenzaleski »

cykros wrote: post #395

I've talked to random people. Most of them are unbearably boring, and they need to resort to alcohol and professional sports just to have anything to talk about in the first place. Bring up ECDSA and suddenly you may as well have just beamed down from a spaceship.

This is the funniest thing I have heard all day today thank you for this.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#409

Post by dudefeliciano »

jjav wrote: post #307
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you end up chatting about life the universe and everything with any random people you share a space with for more than one minute. But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. I've been in the USA fo…

Same, from a Latin country living in Germany and it feels like two different worlds

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#410

Post by nindalf »

beaker52 wrote: post #347
pingou wrote: post #332

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is quite entertaining and I'm glad there are people like you, but you didn't even think it would be inappropriate to comment on a naked picture that someone receives in a private conversation? I don't even think you were supposed to look at his phone.

Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone. It doesn’t happen by staring at the floor and minding your own business. Quite the opposite, mostly. Despite illusions and every misguided attempt, when in public, you’re not actually in an impenetrable little bubble. And when your bubble bursts, you can laugh, or get angry. I recommend choosing laughter because it’s easier on the eyes…

> Yeah, you see, I don’t think you’ve quite understood the art of talking to anyone

Have you? You're dripping with condescension for everyone who's replied to you so far, in addition to the guy in your anecdote. You've asked one person to "fuck off" when they were polite. Do you think closewith or pingou have enjoyed their interaction with you?

Or is your art of talking to people just meant to amuse you and ignore the feelings of others?

By the way, there is a social convention that we refrain from commenting on what's on people's phones even though we can see it. It's considered an invasion of privacy if we do.

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