Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

391–400 of 584 posts

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#391

Post by nimonian »

socalgal2 wrote: post #249
stevenhuang wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why so quick to moralize? What makes you think your perspective on world population is justified and his isn't? This could have been an opportunity for both of you to understand each other's perspective. That's why you asked their thoughts on the matter right? It's a shame you let that pass you by.

I asked his thoughts on the matter because I assumed he didn't want to see Japan end since he had a connection to it. But, he didn't give a fuck if they ended, nor Korea. And if you think they'y aren't ending, you need to go look at the numbers and then look at the double speak on solutions. There are no known solutions. Every solution requires a miracle that has never happened.

> I asked his thoughts on the matter because I assumed

Kindly, I think this is where you went wrong

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#392

Post by dml2135 »

bsenftner wrote: post #350
jjav wrote: post #307

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you end up chatting about life the universe and everything with any random people you share a space with for more than one minute. But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. I've been in the USA fo…

A lot of seemingly casual interactions in the US turn out to be someone trying to sell something. When that happens a 3rd time, you start to ignore random chatter from someone that seems too friendly. The salesperson tactics abuse common social conversation rules, and one ends up feeling like they are being forced to be mean and rude to an idiot. So, to avoid that, we push away chatty strangers in the United States.

I would not say that this happens "a lot". This is the sort of thing that one tells themselves to justify their own introversion.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#393

Post by ajb »

Cthulhu_ wrote: post #314
miroljub wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's something an extrovert would say :) Strong words. I'd like to understand your choice of words here. > Categorizing yourself Also known as knowing yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses. > purposefully stunt your growth A wild assumption that talking to everyone will magically let you grow. Some people just prefer to focus on people that matter to them. > ... reduce opportunity for growth By choosing to…

Categorising / knowing yourself is important for sure - I think in the case of the extrovert/introvert thing, it's an important first step to helping yourself, because in my experience/anecdotally, a lot of introverts know they're different from others, yet feel insecure or anxious about it. Awareness and acceptance won't make you "not an introvert" suddenly, but it can help recover from the awkwardness, self-doubt a…

There's a certain amount of evidence that getting over anxiety is harder if you try to do it by doing the thing you are most anxious about.

An alternative is to do things which allow you to become more comfortable with a reasonable degree of personal risk. Which can include things like rock climbing which you do on your own.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#394

Post by scopendo »

socalgal2 wrote: post #172
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

An old guy sat at the table next to mine at an outdoor cafe. I don't remember what I said to start the conversation but he told me he'd lived in Japan for 3yrs in the 50s, married a Japanese woman, they moved to Redondo Beach and she convinced him to buy a house more than they could afford. He said it was the best decision of their lives. He then said she'd past away a few years ago and they had no kids. I ask him wh…

It's the demographic distribution of those 8 billion that's the problem.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#395

Post by cykros »

I've talked to random people.

Most of them are unbearably boring, and they need to resort to alcohol and professional sports just to have anything to talk about in the first place.

Bring up ECDSA and suddenly you may as well have just beamed down from a spaceship.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#396

Post by MDGeist »

jjav wrote: post #307
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you end up chatting about life the universe and everything with any random people you share a space with for more than one minute. But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. I've been in the USA fo…

I think it depends on the part of the US. In my experience, being from the south, I am used to people engaging in small talk with strangers. However, working in the northeast I find people to be very transactional until you wear them down over an extended period of time haha.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#397

Post by monster_truck »

I've always done this. Used to drive my mom nuts at the grocery store just asking people random shit about the stuff they're buying. Have lived all over the US in various downtowns. You can learn so much about a city, what's actually good there, just by asking everyone you can.

Unsure of what a lot of people in this thread are talking about, they have been misled into believing some very antisocial things and do not seem pleasant. Perhaps it is best they stay inside and do not talk to anyone.

I am not an old british lady or a 7ft tall underwear model / pro athlete, I'm just some dude. The closest thing to a change I've experienced is having to be more proactive about smiling or demonstrating that I am not what others have very legitimate cause to fear as of recent. That sucks a lot and makes me quite sad.

Not saying bad things don't happen, but I've certainly never worried about violence up until recently. Unspoken social contracts are being broken by people who have not considered the consequences, my heart breaks for them and what will have to happen next.

The world is much smaller than you realize. If 90% of everyone was crooks or criminals, you would not be posting that shit right now, because you would not be alive. They don't do that because it's bad for business. A lot of what is happening right now is predicated on the concept of there being some amount of business that is okay to lose in exchange for... problematic ideals. Business will win

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#398

Post by mnort9 »

Ask questions.

Something I learned from being around a few outgoing friends over the years, the easiest way to start a conversation is to ask questions. Even if you already know the answer, it breaks the ice and let's them do the talking. Don't know what to say next? Ask another question.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#399

Post by hnfong »

callmeal wrote: post #380
miroljub wrote: post #286

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can train it. You can even be good at it. But if you don't enjoy it, should you really be doing it?

Yes. It's like exercise. Or eating healthy. I don't enjoy working out but I should really be doing it. I really enjoy eating sweets, but I should not be doing that all the time.

An analogy isn't an answer to "why", it's a literary device to make it easier to understand a concept.

Even if talking to people is beneficial (I can accept that), you're also shaming people for being introverts. Nobody should be faulted for enjoying me-time. It isn't even harmful. No, it's not like eating too many sweets.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#400

Post by beaker52 »

closewith wrote: post #374
beaker52 wrote: post #354

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Losing one’s temper leads things to end badly.

Losing your temper when a serious boundary has been crossed is natural and expected. It had a positive outcome in that it stopped your bad behaviour immediately. > He ended up grabbing me by the throat, while no-one around did a thing to stop him. The bystander effect is real, but you should also take this opportunity for self-reflection, because in this case, you were the person behaving badly who instigated the sit…

Serious boundary? He put tits in front of my eyes. Am I supposed to remember to keep my eyes pinned to the floor when out in public? What a terrible way you must live.

I’m afraid to say, that if you want a boundary, go home. Otherwise, accept that you’re in public, and people can and will speak to you.

Also, you’ve just justified being violent in response to someone making sounds with their mouth. I bet you’re a calm person to be around, when everyone does what you want.

Post reply on HN