Did anyone notice how the last paragraph links to a paid course on talking to strangers… paid advertising??
And that's the moral of the story: 99% of anything "free" these days are transactional.
How to talk to anyone and why you should
221–230 of 584 posts
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#222We are living in a dictatorship of extroverts, who go out of their way (what a suprprise) to tell us that their ways are obviously better.
I'm not an extrovert. Introversion itself was probably more of a euphemism that I used to rationalize something closer to social anxiety.
But I feel I'm better off now for doing what the article suggested, over the last 5-6 years. Doing so improved my knowledge, my empathy, grew my revenue, built larger professional networks, introduced me to hobby networks, and helped with better financial planning.
I even changed to the extent of actually looking forward to outreach activities that involve a lot of conversations. I find them very satisfying because they help me understand social realities and people better than social media and books and help me develop empathy.
I wouldn't say I'm now an extrovert. My personality still prefers a lot of alone time. There are times when I still don't feel like talking to anyone. But they're now for positive reasons like books to finish rather than negative reasons like social anxiety.
I now tend to see things like introversion and social anxiety as obstacles. One can rationalize them in many ways but they'll remain objective obstacles IMO.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#223Earlier quoted context omitted.
Hey bud, with all due respect, you’re arguing against who someone believes they are.
Hold on… what do I believe I am?!
Maybe you did this too: I misread the comment you're replying to as
> …you’re arguing against someone who believes they are.
when actually it says
> …you’re arguing against who someone believes they are.
(meaning “you're arguing with someone against who they believe themselves to be” or something like that.)
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#224I always start a convo with a question, " what is exciting in your life?" - it brings out good things out of people and positivity to the conversation that is following... It brings in perspective. My past leader once said, "understand the people first before you start to work with them"... it is what I believe is missing.. trying to learn about people around us and sometimes taking a chance and strike a conversation…
>I always start a convo with a question, " what is exciting in your life?"
Sadly, nothing. Stuck on 2 part time jobs, I see more layoffs than job posts, I'm about to be soft evicted from my current dwelling, and my country decided to start yet another needless war.
That question works in good times in a high trust society. Now it just reminds you how little there is to look forward to.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#225Earlier quoted context omitted.
> or how to get labeled as a creep by every women If you’re a man and go into it with the mindset of only talking to women, especially attractive ones, then of course that would get you labeled as a creep because it is creep behaviour. That’s not striking up a conversation with strangers, it’s hitting on women. You have to approach anyone equally . Address the attractive woman the same way you approach the old man on…
Talking to people you are attracted to is how the human race lives on. And noone knows if you are talking to people "equally" they only know the conversation they are currently in. I guess you could just hit on everyone. Old, ugly, whatever! Then you won't be a creep. But in all seriousness, the difference between courting someone and creeping someone out is how attractive you are to them , not the other way around.
Bullshit. That's internet incel horseshit. Have an actual conversation. Get to a point where your sole, entire intention isn't just to con a woman into sleeping with you, and where you like, maybe want to get to know her. Lose the weird, internet pick-up artist intensity.
Like, do random men you talk to think you're a creep? If they do, then maybe it's time to get some life coaching. If not, maybe, just maybe, there's some subtle differences in how you approach people you see as sex toys vs. people you see as, you know, people.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#226or how to get labeled as a creep by every women joke or not (actually not) but read some women spaces and it's obviously a lot of people, especially women, just want to be let alone. Don't start talking with random people unless they start talking to you and it's consensual, simple as that.
Yeah but if everyone follows that then nobody ever talks to anyone “random” ever. The key is to just not be creepy. Some little low stakes thing that can just end easily if they don’t want to chat. “Such a long wait for this bus. Should have brought a book.” If you get a brief response, fine, end of conversation. Otherwise, then you can chat.
>if everyone follows that then nobody ever talks to anyone “random” ever.
well, yes. mission accomplished.
> The key is to just not be creepy.
Sadly, the ones who are creepy never realize they are creepy.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#227or how to get labeled as a creep by every women joke or not (actually not) but read some women spaces and it's obviously a lot of people, especially women, just want to be let alone. Don't start talking with random people unless they start talking to you and it's consensual, simple as that.
> or how to get labeled as a creep by every women If you’re a man and go into it with the mindset of only talking to women, especially attractive ones, then of course that would get you labeled as a creep because it is creep behaviour. That’s not striking up a conversation with strangers, it’s hitting on women. You have to approach anyone equally . Address the attractive woman the same way you approach the old man on…
So, trying to approach women is creepy. Got it.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#228I’m wrapping up a 4 month stint at a fancy hotel working as a valet attendant. My job responsibilities as written were parking cars and helping with bags, but the unspoken expectation was that I also greet everyone who passed by my desk. These conversations are all low stakes but make such a difference in my day, and I think the article hits it on the head when they say it doesn’t have to be groundbreaking to be beneficial. The hard part is going to be continuing the habit when I’m not getting paid for it.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#229Earlier quoted context omitted.
> "I don't want to bother this person". > How do you deal with that? You teach yourself to say no, to the things you don't want to do. I considered leaving just that pithy reply, because that's really it. But some of the extra context; It's not a bother to ask someone to hold the door they're already going through because your hands are full. Starting a conversation is about as intrusive as that. The vast majority of…
I echo this so much. I'd add also that learning to hear someone tell you no and not taking it to heart and getting on with your life. So many people walk through life being afraid of hearing someone reply "no" to them, like its some existential rejection of them and that stops them from doing many things. I'll make chit chat with anyone, and people who dont want to chat with are generally pretty explicit about saying…
Yeah this is the way. You will lightly bother some people by being talkative. But it’s ok. So long as you’re sensitive to their desire not to talk, you’ll be fine. Nobody will murder you in the night or kick you out of the village.
I live in an apartment (condo). I’ve been practicing making small talk with people in the elevator. The conversations aren’t all winners. Lots of people are closed off or don’t want to chat. But no matter. Elevator conversations are disposable. And most people are genuinely lovely. It’s a fun challenge trying to brighten the days of strangers.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#230Earlier quoted context omitted.
Talking to people you are attracted to is how the human race lives on. And noone knows if you are talking to people "equally" they only know the conversation they are currently in. I guess you could just hit on everyone. Old, ugly, whatever! Then you won't be a creep. But in all seriousness, the difference between courting someone and creeping someone out is how attractive you are to them , not the other way around.
Bullshit. That's internet incel horseshit. Have an actual conversation. Get to a point where your sole, entire intention isn't just to con a woman into sleeping with you, and where you like, maybe want to get to know her. Lose the weird, internet pick-up artist intensity. Like, do random men you talk to think you're a creep? If they do, then maybe it's time to get some life coaching. If not, maybe, just maybe, there'…
Where did I say not to have an actual conversation?
You can hit on someone and connect with them.
Be nice, connect, open up, share, listen, love. All that shit.
Then you'll get a wife, like myself. Good luck.
Or just make friends, or enemies, whatever floats your boat.