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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#801

Post by watwut »

jschveibinz wrote: post #11

I normally don't contribute to HN comments these days (too much anger in the comments section) but I appreciate your post and activities. I am a tail-end boomer in the U.S. so my experiences were with a world where socializing was more functional: we shopped in public, played in public, read in public libraries, watched movies in public, rode transit together, etc. Being in public was a requirement, not a choice. Whi…

Unchecked groups like you describe and large part of reason why so many people checked out first time they could. The in person contact they were forced into was not helping them or was actively harming them. People escaped - by leaving those bullies and going elsewhere. It is, frankly, ridiculous to claim that those people found "crowd to cheer them". They either found better healthy place of were lonely. You are describing a playground full of bullies and frankly parents who enabled it are equal assholes.

Following may sound like bad faith, but I 100% mean it. Now, former bullies complain they are lonely as others used the option to leave. Those others may be lonely too, but they are still better off then being degraded.

> Voiceless people must find their voice. The responsibility is their's. The crowd will not come to the rescue of the person who won't stand up for themselves and make their way in life.

Bullies are responsible for bullying. Punishing bullies is necessary part of the solution. The responsibility is not just on victims. And if you push the responsibility on victim, stop complaining that the victim left.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#803

Post by publicdebates »

jasondigitized wrote: post #492
publicdebates wrote: post #2

I'm also in this group, so I have a few theories as to what causes it and how to fix it. For one thing, I was severely traumatized as a kid, which delayed a lot of my social skills. I'm catching up but not all the way there yet. When my social battery is full, I can do pretty well, but if I'm even a little down, it's basically impossible to act normally. I also had it hammered into me as a kid that nobody wants me ar…

Wondering if your results are skewed towards people who are outside and therefore have a higher probability of not being lonely by virtue of them being amongst people.

Definitely, yes. But I figure, the people I'm trying to reach are basically only ever outside when they're talking to the grocery store and back. That's the only time to catch them, if ever. So this is my only shot. I do stand right across the street from the Walgreens too, so I definitely know that I've seen people going there for something quick and back. And many of them pass me regularly, every week. Some of them have stopped and met me and have become "regulars" so to speak, but others have never even made eye contact with me, though I recognize them now. This is of course out of thousands of people, and only on one consistent street corner in Chicago. But we have to start somewhere.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#805

Post by wvh »

cortesoft wrote: post #576
eagsalazar2 wrote: post #481

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this but I think you'll be surprised at your success rate. Everyone is struggling with this, not just you. Right on the heels of covid we were debating whether to have a NYE party or just go to a friend's house for a low key thing. We were paralyzed a bit feeling like, why we weren't invited to other parties ourselves? Won't everyone already be busy doing other stuff? In the end my wife took the leap and invit…

> Everyone is struggling with this, not just you. Eh, I don't think EVERYONE is struggling with this. I am an introvert, and have no desire to go out and do more things with friends. I get enough socialization with my wife and kids, and don't really have the desire to do more things.

I used to think that way. Then, divorce, custody battle and the dark abyss. No home, nobody to talk to; just silence, loneliness, general apathy of the world around you. It's the trap of the middle-aged man: to focus on work, invest in family, and hope these things will be a constant because you are doing the right thing. We don't have enough emotional bonds, don't know how to create them, and if the wife leaves and takes the kids, there's nothing left.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#806

Post by tom1337 »

defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

as a fellow german, is there somewhere we can find your company / product? i'd be interested in checking that out.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#807

Post by Beestie »

Late to the thread but I recommend volunteering. The best medicine for loneliness is to serve others in greater need. Churches, hospitals, libraries, all not-for-profit institutions.

Part of loneliness is feeling like you won't be missed. When you serve others (even indirectly if direct contact is not your thing), you feel needed and have purpose.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#808

Post by marliechiller »

SwtCyber wrote: post #723
neilk wrote: post #438

You have to be the one who creates things to do. Really, that’s it. You want to play D&D together, you host and DM. You want to just hang out, you reach out and propose what you’re doing. You want more purposeful and meaningful time, join a volunteer group you vibe with. Even if it’s meeting for coffee. You have to be the one who reaches out. You have to do it on a regular cadence. If, like me, you don’t have little…

"Be the organizer" assumes a certain baseline of energy, confidence, and emotional resilience. For people who are already lonely, depressed, neurodivergent, burned out, or socially anxious, that constant reaching out + rejection tax can be genuinely exhausting, not just uncomfortable

As someone that fits some of the above categories, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#809

Post by tiborsaas »

defo10 wrote: post #780

I‘m a cofounder of a German loneliness startup. My core insight is that loneliness often stems from a badly adjusted internal social threat function ( f(social event)=perceived threat ). This function runs subconsciously all day long. From talking to strangers to reaching out to a friend, the lonely mind is much more aware of negative outcomes, so your mind protects you by telling you things like „I don’t talk to str…

Isn't it cheating if you have a cofounder in a loneliness startup? :)

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#810

Post by incomingpain »

lbrito wrote: post #319
incomingpain wrote: post #191

Loneliness epidemic started 30+ years ago. There were books written in the 90s about it(bowling alone). Nothing modern can be blamed on it. If anything, social media is helping the crisis; not causing. The 'fixes' has been established for just as long. My nearby 'community centre' was built in 1987. Has this been successful at all? Not in the least bit. The reality of what is causing this hasnt changed. Without fixin…

>4. Urban design and walkability. >We need to spend trillions of dollars to completely redesign and rebuild cities? lol what. That doesn't mean the point is wrong. The US bet on the wrong urban planning ideas, and now it is facing the consequences. This is not unique to the US; other places have fallen into the same trap.

The USA is designed around trains and large communities. Leading into cars from horses and suburbs. This design and walkability far pre-existed the loneliness epidemic.

As for otherside, could this help the situation? Very much doubt it and reallocating a trillion $ means you have to defund a great deal of other things. Never happening, and likely to make the situation that much worse.

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