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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#391

Post by huhkerrf »

diyseguy wrote: post #345
ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

I see this as quite a problem in the US. The default place a lonely person has to go is usually a church - where you can expect a modicum, possibly even a seeming profusion, of welcome. This is their hook. They provide automatic acceptance - of sorts. This is also how the right wing fascist regime convinced people to let Trump take over the country - propaganda through the churches. The only other options people hear…

> where you can expect a modicum, possibly even a seeming profusion, of welcome. This is their hook.

Do you think that, possibly, they're really just happy to see you?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#392

Post by b65e8bee43c2ed0 »

solatic wrote: post #317
b65e8bee43c2ed0 wrote: post #292

Earlier quoted context omitted.

have you ever lived in one?

I lived on a kibbutz for nearly three years after university and had similar levels of personal space. While I definitely would not want to live on a kibbutz for my whole life, there were very significant downsides (internal politics), I made some lifelong friends there and overall consider that experience to have been very positive, in particular for my social life.

that's not comparable to SRO in the city, where you'd be sharing living space with far more diverse and vibrant characters. no one in their sane mind would choose to live in one of those, unless they were on the brink of homelessness.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#393

Post by jacobgkau »

PlatoIsADisease wrote: post #385
jacobgkau wrote: post #381

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> or into the first floor of your apartment complex. I wouldn't trust a cafe built into an apartment complex. I'd expect it to be low-quality, over-priced food placed specifically to try and make a quick buck off people who don't know any better or who physically can't get somewhere better. You're right that it goes beyond car culture (and zoning laws are part of car culture), but I think it also goes beyond zoning l…

Maybe consider that the overpriced part is fine because you are paying for the time you save. There are many ways to look at things -t. not an Absurdist, but sometimes I use the tools.

There's a limit to the convenience factor. Fast food used to be cheap because it was faster than real food. Now it's expensive, and less real than it was to start with. A hip no-name cafe owned by a huge conglomerate charging $17 for a microwaved sandwich or something is objectively a bad deal.

Ensuring you never have to leave the comfort of your apartment complex is also of questionable relevance to solving loneliness/getting people to meet each other.

> -t. not an Absurdist, but sometimes I use the tools.

Did you accidentally paste part of a different comment or something?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#395

Post by olalonde »

AlecSchueler wrote: post #39

If you have young boys in your life then teach them that it's ok to feel and express their emotions, and as they get older that their sexual self need not be frightening and that sex can exist outside of narratives of domination.

I'm not sure how you arrived at that conclusion. The loneliness epidemic is relatively recent, and unless I'm misunderstanding you, this isn't something young boys were taught in the past.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#396

Post by huhkerrf »

throwaway314155 wrote: post #166
ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

> 2. Join a religious organization. Go to church, but also join the mens/womens group, join a bible studies class. Attend every week. So no atheists then?

The great thing about the comment you're replying to is that it has a list of suggestions. So you've got two options: you can get angry that one of them doesn't cater to you, or you could skip that one and look at the others that do.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#397

Post by alecco »

hombre_fatal wrote: post #286

Spending time in parts of Latin America or western Europe or east Asia and then coming back to the US, you can see a lot of ways in which we've built loneliness into the fabric of US culture. It goes beyond car culture. It's probably illegal to build a cafe within walking distance of your neighborhood or into the first floor of your apartment complex. Americans get an idea of how bad we have it when we go on vacation…

> Latin America or western Europe or east Asia

I can attest both LatAm and Europe are quickly turning the same way. At least in the bigger cities. Take public transport and 70% are frying their brains with their phones on algorithmic timelines, dumb mobile games, or worse. Women even more. You go to a bar and try to start a conversation and people look at you like you are a creep or a scammer. I've heard this happens to Gen Z, too.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#398

Post by cocoto »

Personally I’m living with a partner (only 50% of the time for now), have only two social activities per month outside work in average and some small talk at work. I don’t need more and have no intention to volunteer, join church or anything like that just for the social aspect. I guess the big problem is the (growing?) minority having close to no social experiences.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#399

Post by 10xDev »

ladidahh wrote: post #394

It's not perfect, but I've managed to make some friends on Bumble BFF, https://bumble.com/bff-us/ . If you are more of a one on one person and feel awkward in groups, this is the best thing i've found so far

This feels like a sus promotion but that aside, when I went on it, it seemed like a bunch of dudes using it as some sort of grindr.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#400

Post by publicdebates »

sebg wrote: post #23
publicdebates wrote: post #2

I'm also in this group, so I have a few theories as to what causes it and how to fix it. For one thing, I was severely traumatized as a kid, which delayed a lot of my social skills. I'm catching up but not all the way there yet. When my social battery is full, I can do pretty well, but if I'm even a little down, it's basically impossible to act normally. I also had it hammered into me as a kid that nobody wants me ar…

Helping people like you are seems like an amazing start. Maybe try to get a pyramid structure going where you teach people to help other people and then they teach people and then it’s a movement? But at all times a low level of effort so there is no pressure other than just holding up a sign or a marker. I’ve found the hardest thing is breaking the ice and the sign / marker normalises a low stakes interaction where…

I've thought a lot about this since you wrote it. I do wonder if this could become a pyramid activity.

One problem is that it has to be people who are relatively comfortable talking to strangers, which by definition excludes the main people I'm trying to reach.

That said, I wonder if there's a middle ground. Maybe people like myself, who feel unfulfilled, but don't have too much difficulty talking to strangers, could be the ones who hold the signs. And we could help those people get to the point we're at... it could work.

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