Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#381

Post by jacobgkau » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 9:56 PM UTC

hombre_fatal wrote: post #286

Spending time in parts of Latin America or western Europe or east Asia and then coming back to the US, you can see a lot of ways in which we've built loneliness into the fabric of US culture. It goes beyond car culture. It's probably illegal to build a cafe within walking distance of your neighborhood or into the first floor of your apartment complex. Americans get an idea of how bad we have it when we go on vacation…

> or into the first floor of your apartment complex.

I wouldn't trust a cafe built into an apartment complex. I'd expect it to be low-quality, over-priced food placed specifically to try and make a quick buck off people who don't know any better or who physically can't get somewhere better.

You're right that it goes beyond car culture (and zoning laws are part of car culture), but I think it also goes beyond zoning laws. A lack of a social contract between people (individually) and businesses these days is probably involved, too. All these things are interrelated.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#382

Post by PlatoIsADisease » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 9:57 PM UTC

hombre_fatal wrote: post #286

Spending time in parts of Latin America or western Europe or east Asia and then coming back to the US, you can see a lot of ways in which we've built loneliness into the fabric of US culture. It goes beyond car culture. It's probably illegal to build a cafe within walking distance of your neighborhood or into the first floor of your apartment complex. Americans get an idea of how bad we have it when we go on vacation…

As someone who was a libertarian as a child, I assure you the idea of relaxing regulations is quite unpopular.

Lots of factors cause this. Obviously established businesses hate competition. There seems to be a tendency for politicians to make more laws as a bandaid rather than remove old(but this isnt universally true). And finally and probably most importantly, people like the status quo. Change is scary.

Also I live in the suburbs and we have a coffee shop within 2 minutes walking. I just have a hard time paying $4 for a coffee to meet people when most people are on their laptops anyway.

My friends come from sports clubs, parties, and the parents of my kids via birthday parties.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#383

Post by pshirshov » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 9:57 PM UTC

Obviously, someone has to create a nice big corp which would make us nice LLM friends and family members, yes, yes, yes!

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#384

Post by anoplus » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 9:58 PM UTC

In my opinion - just do it. What you want. Message someone you haven’t talked with for years. Ask someone out. Smile :-). Say hello. Strike a conversation with a stranger.

You deserve it, because you are a human

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#385

Post by PlatoIsADisease » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 9:58 PM UTC

jacobgkau wrote: post #381

hombre_fatal wrote: post #286

Spending time in parts of Latin America or western Europe or east Asia and then coming back to the US, you can see a lot of ways in which we've built loneliness into the fabric of US culture. It goes beyond car culture. It's probably illegal to build a cafe within walking distance of your neighborhood or into the first floor of your apartment complex. Americans get an idea of how bad we have it when we go on vacation…

> or into the first floor of your apartment complex. I wouldn't trust a cafe built into an apartment complex. I'd expect it to be low-quality, over-priced food placed specifically to try and make a quick buck off people who don't know any better or who physically can't get somewhere better. You're right that it goes beyond car culture (and zoning laws are part of car culture), but I think it also goes beyond zoning l…

Maybe consider that the overpriced part is fine because you are paying for the time you save.

There are many ways to look at things

-t. not an Absurdist, but sometimes I use the tools.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#386

Post by neutralino1 » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 9:58 PM UTC

Asking people to change their ways is pointless. When something is systemic, only a systemic solution can work.

I have become intimately convinced that engagement-based feeds are the root of many evils of our time, loneliness included.

Here are some of the perverse effects (if ever they needed be told), and how they relate to the loneliness epidemic

- they incentivize individuals from a young age to find stimulation from scrolling mindless content through short dopamine loops instead of seeking satisfaction through longer-term endeavors (e.g. projects, board games, bands, sports teams, etc.) which tend to foster connections with friends, neighbors, family, strangers

- they radicalize and polarize into extreme niche communities (political extremes, conspiracy theories, manosphere, etc) so that it's more difficult to find common ground with a random average person, giving you the impression that everyone is your enemy

- they reflect a skewed version of reality where societal standards (beauty, intelligence, success, wealth, etc) are distorted and artificial, which drives people to believe they are insufficient and ostracized

I firmly believe that engagement-based feeds should be heavily regulated, the same way that other addictive behaviors have (e.g. tobacco, gambling, etc.).

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#387

Post by FloorEgg » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 9:58 PM UTC

yoyohello13 wrote: post #362

FloorEgg wrote: post #315

Having kids (with the right partner and good intentions as a parent) is a great way to avoid feeling lonely. The kid(s) are tremendous source of connection. You may trade for a feeling of exhaustion, overwhelming responsibility, etc. but a lot less loneliness. Also go a step further and join support groups for parents. Community resources where kids play and parents can hang out and chat. Connection is built through…

I think you’ve missed a step here. How are lonely and alone people, who have trouble finding friends, supposed to find a spouse and have kids?

That's only a problem for people who want to find a spouse and have kids. You're going one step further down the "how" chain.

My point had more to do with the fact that a lot of people are either undecided about kids or have decided not to have kids, and are then struggling with loneliness.

Deciding you want to start a family and prioritizing it (the why) can come before the how.

I'm no expert in dating, but generally in life I've learned that it's easier to get my wants satisfied if I am clear about them.

"I want to start a family and find a partner who also wants to have kids" is a lot less abstract than "I want to feel less lonely".

So, no, I don't think I missed a step. I just think that the best way to find a partner in parenting will depend a lot on the specific person, where they are, how old they are, what they do, etc and isn't conducive to general advice, and maybe HN is not the best place to figure it out?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#388

Post by [deleted] » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 9:59 PM UTC

AlecSchueler wrote: post #39

If you have young boys in your life then teach them that it's ok to feel and express their emotions, and as they get older that their sexual self need not be frightening and that sex can exist outside of narratives of domination.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#389

Post by huhkerrf » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 10:02 PM UTC

JoshTriplett wrote: post #335

ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

> 1. People need to make a point to talk to their neighbors There are people who find this satisfying. However, you don't typically choose your neighbors. Don't be afraid to eschew spending time on this in favor of groups you deliberately choose based on common interests.

The world could use a lot more of learning to like, or even love, the people you didn't choose.

That's how it was forever. Now it's not, and we're talking about a loneliness epidemic. I don't think those things are unrelated.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#390

Post by blahaj » Thu, Jan 15, 2026, 10:02 PM UTC

wanderingstan wrote: post #114

ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

> Attend every week. In my experience, this is the key. “90% of life is showing up.” If you are around the same people every week, for whatever reason, with even a minimal amount of openness and friendliness, you will get community.

That doesn't work for everyone and everywhere.