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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#261
Is there a loneliness epidemic? Or is this viewing history through rose colored glasses?

Is the shift from how society used to work to how society has come to work real or just a grammatically correct statement?

Statistics are biased by those who compute them. Have we asked everyone or inferred and p-hacked up data points?

The single salary family is largely a myth. A relatively small percentage of the population ever achieved that. Is the same true for loneliness? Is it a bigger problem now than it has been?

Is this like in medicine where we think ADHD is up, cancer is up... it's an epidemic! When in reality as a percent of society things are normal, we just had no idea before how prevalent those things were before we measured.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#262

Loneliness epidemic started 30+ years ago. There were books written in the 90s about it(bowling alone). Nothing modern can be blamed on it. If anything, social media is helping the crisis; not causing. The 'fixes' has been established for just as long. My nearby 'community centre' was built in 1987. Has this been successful at all? Not in the least bit. The reality of what is causing this hasnt changed. Without fixin…

This feels overly cynical and reductive. A problem existing for 30 years doesn’t mean modern forces haven’t made it worse or changed its shape. Bowling Alone didn’t argue “nothing can help,” it showed that social participation declined as work hours grew, commutes lengthened, communities hollowed out, and institutions lost funding.

Those trends didn’t stop in the 90s, they accelerated! I lived through it myself. Social media isn’t the sole cause, but it clearly displaces time, lowers the incentive to show up in person, and offers connection without obligation.

Saying “community centers existed in 1987” misses the point... they stopped working when participation stopped being the default and became optional, inconvenient, and socially risky. People feel worn out and get "good enough" at home... so they choose the poor substitute. This also mirrors american food consumption habits.

This doesn’t require a conspiracy. It’s an emergent outcome of optimizing society for efficiency, mobility, and consumption instead of continuity and belonging. Service, third places, walkability, and intergenerational spaces aren’t magic fixes... and loneliness isn’t solved by “hanging out,” it’s solved by repeated, role-based, low-friction interaction where people are needed. We all but know how to fix this problem, there are piles of research behind it.

The real failure isn’t that these ideas were tried, it’s that we stripped away the economic and cultural structures that made them functional at all, then declared them ineffective. Pretending that nothing structural can help just guarantees the problem.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#263

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

A somewhat cynical response given the frequency of this topic/question being posted here and on other social media platforms. Add a weak "/s but not really" if you want: People sitting at home living on apps and watching TV who decide to go to a new group social event to change things up will struggle to make a connection with someone else who was at home on an app and watching TV deciding to get out and meet someone…

> who decide to go to a new group social event to change things up will struggle to make a connection with someone else

I can't imagine going to a general "group social event" like a party and making a connection. I'd end up just sitting there being bored until I left. I don't have the personality to just strike up a conversation about nothing with some one I don't know. But I do somewhat often go to events that revolve around my hobbies. There, I already have a connection with the strangers, through the hobby, and I have something to talk about or listen to. I've met plenty of new friends that way.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#264

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

> (unwalkable towns where all of the houses are big garages in the front and no porches) You can turn the garage into a hangout spot. A neighbor has a full bar with communal table plus TV for sports and he opens up the garage door once a week on a schedule (Sunday game day or whatever depending on the season) and whenever he feels like it on work week evenings. As people pass by we invite them over and after a few mo…

on my son's bday i drug our firepit out to the front yard and setup some chairs for my wife and I to welcome his friends as they arrived. Maybe a dozen people in our neighborhood walking their dog or out for a run just dropped by to say hello and talk. I guess the fire looked very inviting (it was a chilly evening). I'm going to start doing it regularly, it's an easy way to meet people in your community.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#265

The people who push "no hello" on their co-workers and want to stay home all day are lonely now. Shucks.

"Don't talk about your kids at work, it's off-putting"... then proceeds to talk about their dog every day. :)

Yeah, a lot of this discussion does seem pretty myopic sometimes.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#266

Intentionally choose community and the effort it takes to build and cultivate it [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]. People are work, but you cannot live without community [6]. [1] https://web.archive.org/web/20250212233145/https://www.hhs.g... [1] https://thepeoplescommunity.substack.com/ [3] https://www.tiktok.com/@amandalitman/video/75927501854034854... [4] https://boingboing.net/2015/12/21/a-survivalist-on-why-you-s... [5] http…

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#268

I'll say the same thing that I always do. For some reason, it's not popular, hereabouts, but it's worked for me, for over 45 years. Get involved with volunteer/gratis work. Join an advocacy/charity group. Do stuff for free. HN members have really valuable skills that can make an enormous difference. Joining a volunteer organization brings together passionate, action-minded people that already share a common platform.…

Maybe dumb question but how does one "join a volunteer organization?" I tried a long time ago but got ghosted.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#269

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

> (unwalkable towns where all of the houses are big garages in the front and no porches) You can turn the garage into a hangout spot. A neighbor has a full bar with communal table plus TV for sports and he opens up the garage door once a week on a schedule (Sunday game day or whatever depending on the season) and whenever he feels like it on work week evenings. As people pass by we invite them over and after a few mo…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#270

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

> 2. Join a religious organization. Go to church, but also join the mens/womens group, join a bible studies class. Attend every week. So no atheists then?

Join a hackerspace I suppose. Technology is a religion anyway.
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