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After my dad died, we found the love letters

jenn.site

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Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#371

Post by tomrod »

gritten wrote: post #362
gwd wrote: post #343

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's judging people, and there's judging actions. - Getting married under societal pressure even when you're pretty sure you're gay: I'm willing to cut him some slack on this. - Having gay affairs while you're married: It puts your wife at risk of disease, but OK, you've been placed in a messed up, lose-lose situation. - Telling a lover you want to be exclusive, and getting him to move to a completely new country,…

>Having gay affairs while you're married: It puts your wife at risk of disease, but OK In what world is this ever "OK"?

Several cultures are okay with open marriage. Usually you have agreement between parties, however.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#372

Post by deadbabe »

throwaway142351 wrote: post #59

I'm a dad too, and I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My son is under five, and it feels like I'm still at the very beginning of his story. I've known I was gay since high school, probably even earlier, but I kept choosing whatever seemed like the easiest path. It felt easier to stay closeted. Easier to date a woman. Easier to move in together, propose, get married, and even have a child than to face my truth. I lo…

If it’s any comfort, no one ever truly knows who you are, even if you wanted to be totally honest.

Everyone has a version of you they’ve constructed, no one has your entire perspective on your life and access to your inner thoughts, and even if they did they would forget or misinterpret details.

Don’t chase a desire to have people know the real you, they never will. Even if you had a new gay lover just because they know you’re gay doesn’t mean they know the real you.

And sometimes people don’t even know their own real self.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#373

Post by gdilla »

tomrod wrote: post #371
gritten wrote: post #362

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Having gay affairs while you're married: It puts your wife at risk of disease, but OK In what world is this ever "OK"?

Several cultures are okay with open marriage. Usually you have agreement between parties, however.

those aren't called affairs though. just relationships.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#374

Post by WolfeReader »

noobermin wrote: post #169
Mistletoe wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah kind of wish I hadn’t read that one. But the whole truth is always best to know. Somehow makes his story so much more sad. Edit: Oh my goodness didn’t realize this was the same Dad from: https://jenn.site/my-dad-could-still-be-alive-but-hes-not/

Ok... This is writing about a real person. I certainly hope you don't see yourself as so one dimensional, why should others be?

Your profile has this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity

Maybe you should read it.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#375

Post by edm0nd »

throwaway142351 wrote: post #59

I'm a dad too, and I'm in a somewhat similar situation. My son is under five, and it feels like I'm still at the very beginning of his story. I've known I was gay since high school, probably even earlier, but I kept choosing whatever seemed like the easiest path. It felt easier to stay closeted. Easier to date a woman. Easier to move in together, propose, get married, and even have a child than to face my truth. I lo…

tell your wife you are gay homie

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#377

Post by ajkjk »

Alt-F4 wrote: post #129
quitit wrote: post #38

From reading both posts, there's a few things that come to my mind: - It seems this is how the author is processing her father's passing, and it's not really up to us to make moral calls on the content of the posts. They are thoughts with gaps of missing context against a real life of highs and lows which is not readily condensed into a blog post. - I'm peering into the life of a private person, that feels like a vio…

[flagged]

so what if it is? incels are obviously suffering too; it's not like the fact that they presently hold a toxic and sexist opinion makes them into a moral non-entity. Instead they're just tragic. Doesn't mean you can, or should, help them, nor should you tolerate that attitude when it is threatening to others. But it's tragedy all the same.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#378

Post by caminante »

lazide wrote: post #370
caminante wrote: post #368

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You were being snarky about blackmail/death threats. It's on you to elaborate your point.

Not being snarky at all. Mind actually saying something clearly? I’ve literally seen every one of the situations I described play out, without a gay person in sight. (Though only attempted murder, not successful) And notably, gay relationships of any gender don’t have a habit of getting anyone pregnant. The described situation in the article is pretty tame by ‘hidden/forbidden relationship’ standards. But then, I use…

It ties back to your use of "pragmatic", which I don't think applies. Your usage was off, imo.

It sounds like we agree in general.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#379

Post by _yb2s »

nmz wrote: post #284
_yb2s wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see these comments on most HN threads that aren’t about tech stuff, but to me these are the best part of HN. I think it should include things people in tech who are also humans find interesting and want to discuss, like this, not just discussions of the latest cpu architecture or whatever. If you don’t find it interesting ignore it, and the algorithm will make it go away on its own if most people agree!

But that's why I'm in HN, If I wanted to read this, I would be in reddit.

It's a different crowd here, I want to discuss those things with this crowd, not the one on reddit.

Re: After my dad died, we found the love letters

#380

Post by James_K »

chimeracoder wrote: post #240
James_K wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It does not sound as such if you read the content of the post. It's hardly a misconception to suggest that gay men do not generally fall in love with women.

> It does not sound as such if you read the content of the post. It's hardly a misconception to suggest that gay men do not generally fall in love with women. Aside from the fact that this premise is incorrect, it's also inapplicable, because, as far as the essay mentions, the father never said he was gay.

How do you know the father never said he was gay? He may well have said that to the man he enjoyed dating as opposed to the wife whom he clearly didn't like very much.
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