Honestly I think lesson 7 is nobody's normal. All the things the author's noted about interacting with other people - see how weird and rare it was and how long it took to recognize it? See how often it's on your plate to be the one to go zen mode to figure out how to dance with someone? The author isn't normal, they're now skilled. Before, they weren't normal, because they noticed they weren't skilled. Most people don't.
My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
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Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#42I’m “on the spectrum,” but I had no idea, until I was in my forties. I just assumed (as did most folks), that I was “eccentric” (or “weird,” for the not inconsiderable number of people that didn’t like me). Once I did find out, it wasn’t really a huge revelation, as I was already well on my way towards learning to compensate. I know that the popular outlook, is that folks use “neurodivergent” diagnoses to excuse (and…
> the cure was already under way What's that cure?
> [spending an] entire adult life in an organization that forces us to work intimately with others, seek out and interact with many types of people, and to look at ourselves, in a harsh, realistic manner.
Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#43well they're not normal but they are getting to the place that "normal" people end up, I think. It seems to be the case that no amount of being in your head is a substitute for just not being in your head in the first place.
He kind of goes from normal to super-normal, and has to deal with how to handle this outlier social competence responsibly.
I'd characterize the entire journey as "neurodivergent"
but there's nothing wrong with that, and there are lots of other neurodivergent-ish people (regardless of whether you like that word for it, I just mean "outliers", the sort of people who have trouble with socializing in a way that most people seem to have an easy time with), and many of them could stand to benefit from figuring some of the same things out
Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#44Wow, I can’t get past the first couple of paragraphs. > I’ve tried so hard to learn how to connect with people. It’s all I ever wanted, for so long. Are there really people like this? HN is probably the wrong place to ask this question, but this is so far outside of my bubble that I just cannot relate. Some people feel like this, for real ?
Do you mean wanting to connect with people?
Or not being able to connect with most people?
Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#45I was diagnosed short-bus autistic in elementary school twice.
But I also have Williams Syndrome, which gave me empathy and a fondness for people and their stories.
So while I was bullied mercilessly I also had friends. Deep, lifelong friends I still have today.
Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#46Wow, I can’t get past the first couple of paragraphs. > I’ve tried so hard to learn how to connect with people. It’s all I ever wanted, for so long. Are there really people like this? HN is probably the wrong place to ask this question, but this is so far outside of my bubble that I just cannot relate. Some people feel like this, for real ?
Yes? I mean...why is it so hard to imagine people having difficulties with things you find easy or natural?
Maybe social connection doesn't come easy to them and they don't care about it much.
Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#47This post wasn't what I was expecting from the "socially normal" title. While there is a lot of self-reflection and growth in this piece, a lot of the points felt more like learning how to charm, manipulate, and game social interactions.
Look at the first two subheadings:
> 1: Connecting with people is about being a dazzling person
> 2: Connecting with people is about playing their game
The post felt like a rollercoaster between using tricks to charm and manipulate, and periods of genuinely trying to learn how to be friends with people.
I don't want to disparage the author as this is a personal journey piece and I appreciate them sharing it. However this did leave me slightly uneasy, almost calling back to earlier days of the internet when advice about "social skills" often meant reductively thinking about other people, assuming you can mind-read them to deconstruct their mindset (the section about identifying people who feel underpraised, insecure, nervous,) and then leverage that to charm them (referred to as "dancing to the music" in this post).
Maybe the takeaway I'd try to give is to read this as an interesting peek into someone's mind, but not necessarily great advice for anyone else's situation or a healthy way to view relationships.
Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#48> some people communicate in order to exchange facts, and some communicate in order to find connection. I love this quote. Excellent and very relatable piece. Social skills can be acquired through practice. But being an introvert, I've specifically picked my profession so that I can focus on ideas over people. Tinkering and solving problems excited me, whereas staying in touch with friends, noticing social dynamics,…
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Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#49Wow, I can’t get past the first couple of paragraphs. > I’ve tried so hard to learn how to connect with people. It’s all I ever wanted, for so long. Are there really people like this? HN is probably the wrong place to ask this question, but this is so far outside of my bubble that I just cannot relate. Some people feel like this, for real ?
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Re: My stages of learning to be a socially normal person
#50This Ted Talk from his wife is also very interesting: https://usefulfictions.substack.com/p/behold-my-ted-talk The topic is agency. Which is a word I hear often used by rarely defined or described in detail. She talks about agency as being the key to going from drug addict to CEO of a successful organization, and the specific habits that process involved.
I recognized her name when one of her blog posts was trending on HN yesterday (from the same submitter as this one, actually).
For what it's worth: She has something of a history in the professional poker world of being a less than reliable narrator. To be fair, the fallout during her time in the poker world overlapped with her admitted drug addiction problem. However, from what I recall from that era I'd suggest taking some of her stories with a grain of salt.
She is very good at storytelling and charming people, though. There is probably a lot of value in studying how she delivers messages, puts spin on the past, and charms audiences.