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Basic Social Skills Guide

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#171

Post by zwnow »

apexalpha wrote: post #161
zwnow wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

I fundamentally disagree with this, and especially people who need the website should not follow your advice. Sometimes in life you just have to do stuff, even if you hate it. These things also have a tendency to become easier the more you do it, so advising people to just not do it seems horrible advice. Not showing up to a funeral of someone you were close to just because of your own discomfort is plain weird.

Not really. I've been to many funerals and I dont want to go to many more. You gotta learn that self preservation is more important sometimes.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#172

Post by zwnow »

GiorgioG wrote: post #149
brulard wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the worst advice someone could give. It absolutely is ok to decide on your own if it's good for you and the others if you attend or not. I wouldn't want anyone to come to my funeral just because others expect him to.

Someone should attend your funeral because they made some kind of connection with you in this short life. Being uncomfortable for 30 minutes is the least one can do. I am so tired of people being so emotionally immature that they can’t handle a little discomfort.

Whats so special about a funeral? It's just tons of sad people. I meet the relevant people in unofficial circumstances. My friends understand this, so I dont see the issue.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#174

Post by Barrin92 »

_9ptr wrote: post #94
sundarurfriend wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. Have you generally been to the Americas and Western Europe? Sports is the one universal, that makes sense in my experience too. But most people outside the rich upper class don't…

What do Asians talk about then?

Having lived in Japan, and spent a fair amount of time in China: food, fashion, music, film, culture and politics (in a polite way), work, among other things

However unless you're planning to visit very rural places I genuinely don't think I've ever met anyone in East Asia talk about cars or hunting. Even in Europe among Millenials or Gen Z I don't know anyone who is into cars at all, a lot of younger people in the larger cities don't even have drivers licenses.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#175

Post by zwnow »

aklemm wrote: post #144
GiorgioG wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is not ok. Be an adult and deal with the emotional discomfort to pay your last respects.

Not a popular approach these days, but you’re absolutely right. This is an example where setting healthy boundaries has veered into hiding away from life and avoiding hard, messy human things.

I had my fair share of hard messy human things and I distance from that. Self preservation is more important than some official gathering.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#176

Post by zwnow »

snapcaster wrote: post #166
sokoloff wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s absolutely okay to prioritize the needs and comfort of the living. The guest of honor won’t notice, I promise. If the other (living) attendees have a problem with it, it’s at least 51% a them problem, IMO.

This is such an anti social take. How dense to you have to be to not realize attendance is for the benefit of the living. The dead person is not the guest of honor it's the family of the deceased if there is any "guest of honor" at all Not attending rightfully costs you a lot, even if you're lacking the social skills to perceive it

As far as I am concerned I dont exist for the families of my friends. I exist for my friends. Never cared about their families and they never cared about mine, its just how we move.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#177

Post by GiorgioG »

zwnow wrote: post #172
GiorgioG wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Someone should attend your funeral because they made some kind of connection with you in this short life. Being uncomfortable for 30 minutes is the least one can do. I am so tired of people being so emotionally immature that they can’t handle a little discomfort.

Whats so special about a funeral? It's just tons of sad people. I meet the relevant people in unofficial circumstances. My friends understand this, so I dont see the issue.

I have no idea what point you’re trying to make here.

“It's just tons of sad people.” - this makes you sound like you have the emotional acuity of a 4 year old. You can fix that, but you can’t do it sitting in front of your computer.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#178

Post by GiorgioG »

zwnow wrote: post #176
snapcaster wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is such an anti social take. How dense to you have to be to not realize attendance is for the benefit of the living. The dead person is not the guest of honor it's the family of the deceased if there is any "guest of honor" at all Not attending rightfully costs you a lot, even if you're lacking the social skills to perceive it

As far as I am concerned I dont exist for the families of my friends. I exist for my friends. Never cared about their families and they never cared about mine, its just how we move.

I’m in my mid-40s. When I randomly reconnect with friends from my 20s, they still ask about my parents and my parents still occasionally ask about them.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#179

Post by aaronbaugher »

GiorgioG wrote: post #112
zwnow wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

It is not ok. Be an adult and deal with the emotional discomfort to pay your last respects.

Agreed. I used to hate going to funerals and skipped some, telling myself it was because I didn't know what to say, might embarrass myself, etc. After being in the receiving line of a couple, I realized someone else's funeral isn't about me. The truth is no one notices exactly what you say because they're dealing with their own grief, and "I'm sorry for your loss" is perfectly acceptable. So now I just go, pay my respects, and feel better for doing it.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#180

Post by GiorgioG »

zwnow wrote: post #175
aklemm wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a popular approach these days, but you’re absolutely right. This is an example where setting healthy boundaries has veered into hiding away from life and avoiding hard, messy human things.

I had my fair share of hard messy human things and I distance from that. Self preservation is more important than some official gathering.

It’s not self preservation, it’s avoidance and selfishness.
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