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Basic Social Skills Guide

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#111

Post by torben-friis »

TrackerFF wrote: post #20

I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…

In my country (western Europe) talking about hunting/fishing would put get you side looks and take you for a very rural or conservative weirdo.

Sports and cars is more common with the older generation, but anyone below 35 will probably be uninterested, unless your circle is finance or blue collar work.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#112

Post by GiorgioG »

zwnow wrote: post #15
strken wrote: post #5

On the topic of "support your friends", if there's a funeral for someone you weren't super close with but your friend knew well and you're not sure whether to go, I would recommend just going, sitting up the back, offering your condolences if the opportunity comes up, and leaving. I've failed to do this twice. Nobody else said or did anything, but I regretted it.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

It is not ok. Be an adult and deal with the emotional discomfort to pay your last respects.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#113

Post by miroljub »

Mordisquitos wrote: post #108
zwnow wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

> I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future. I understand it can be emotionally challenging, but arguably that expression of grief is what provides meaning to attending a funeral. Furthermore, if you don't attend a close friend's funeral, don't expect him or her to attend yours.

> if you don't attend a close friend's funeral, don't expect him or her to attend yours.

Well, regardless if you attend your friend's funeral or not, you can be sure he or she will not attend yours.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#114

Post by TheCapeGreek »

rsaarelm wrote: post #84
TheCapeGreek wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Fake it till you make it. "Be yourself" is not wrong, but it's not specific enough. You can be perfectly authentic, but that doesn't mean being socially uncalibrated. Get good at being sociable, then blend that with your personal tastes and preferences. I thought "be yourself" was fine until I grew up and learned I was just being rude to most people and called myself introverted when I didn't make friends.

> Fake it till you make it. What are you trying to make though? You're pretending to want the same things the people you think you need to fit in with want, but if you don't actually want those things, what point is there to be in a competition to get them?

Humans are social creatures. If you truly don't have the same desires as most - friendship, companionship, even career gain - then sure, it's purposeless. But why are you even in this thread then? If you clearly are actively dis- interested in this topic. Otherwise, skydhash is correct - it's about compromise.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#115

Post by ffin »

arethuza wrote: post #57
TrackerFF wrote: post #20

I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…

"Going/been anywhere nice recently" is a pretty good one in the UK - most people have some kind of holiday and I don't follow football and my interest in cars is probably limited to my occasional bouts of incandescent rage at people not signalling correctly on roundabouts...

In the US I was taught you don’t need to signal at roundabouts. Am I doing something terribly wrong?

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#116

Post by ryandv »

spacechild1 wrote: post #102
TrackerFF wrote: post #20

I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…

Which countries have you been to? Sports I'll give you. Cars are already questionable. But fishing and hunting!? Now I'm interested: what are your top three topics for talking to women? :)

[flagged]

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#117

Post by oblio »

KingMob wrote: post #59
ido wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What wouldn’t apply to Europe?

The 10-gun salute when strangers come over to your house.

Yup, in Europe you either have a 100 gun salute if you're new money or a Navy destroyer casually and coincidentally floating by your house on the Rivera when the souffle is served, if you're old money.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#118

Post by sokoloff »

GiorgioG wrote: post #112
zwnow wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

It is not ok. Be an adult and deal with the emotional discomfort to pay your last respects.

It’s absolutely okay to prioritize the needs and comfort of the living.

The guest of honor won’t notice, I promise.

If the other (living) attendees have a problem with it, it’s at least 51% a them problem, IMO.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#119

Post by brulard »

GiorgioG wrote: post #112
zwnow wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

It is not ok. Be an adult and deal with the emotional discomfort to pay your last respects.

This is the worst advice someone could give. It absolutely is ok to decide on your own if it's good for you and the others if you attend or not. I wouldn't want anyone to come to my funeral just because others expect him to.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#120

Post by sokoloff »

ryandv wrote: post #116
spacechild1 wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which countries have you been to? Sports I'll give you. Cars are already questionable. But fishing and hunting!? Now I'm interested: what are your top three topics for talking to women? :)

[flagged]

Have you found a generally equal level of interest in hunting, fishing, sports, and cars across the genders?

That’s not been my experience and, as a basic social skill, I seek to adapt my conversational topics to the audience’s interest.

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