71–80 of 283 posts
Being able to communicate despite differences in status. Don't try to qualify people. Do not let others feel contempt. Don't speak any words outside what someone would commonly be able to accept. Suppression of ego so others are not uncomfortable. Knowing when to not suppress it if others think you are fake.
This is a bit of a long shot, but a lot my social embarrassment comes from my tendency to mumble / be hard to understand. Anyone on here have any experience with improving at that stuff?
1. figure out if your mumbling is just a habit or a logopedic issue
2. get a speakers training of the type actors or radio hosts would
If you wonder whether it is worth it, just consider how important it is in both your private and professional life to be clearly understood. There has been a study during the pandemic that showed that people who had the better sound quality in conferences would get their ideas through more often. This is truly the case for spoken words as well.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
You severely underestimate the biological side of things regarding social interaction. Neurodivergent people are what we are not just bc "surroundings made us so"
That includes people like me who are neurodivergent And I'm also not shaming anyone not wanting or unable to chain themselves. It was a statement about the uniqueness of ones character and the agency of controlling it/changing or adjusting it by yourself
I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…
While I’ve yet to meet somebody into fishing or hunting, I agree about cars and sports. Unfortunately since I have interest in neither it can be hard to fit in sometime. Weirdly, as somebody non interested in these common topics it also feels like it’s up to you to figure out a topic of common interest and it really isn’t. About sports also, most people super “into” sports don’t do any. Which is ironic because a conv…
Mask every day. Life goal: Be 100% artificial person. All openings and responses must be calculated and faked. Your inner self is faulty and not appropriate at any situation. Once you train and work hard enough to suppress it at all times forever, you may be accepted and allowed to participate.
After COVID, I stopped caring and trying to fake being a normal person, and choose just to be me, alone.
I wasn't good at trying to be normal, and it's so much nicer to be free to not bother to make the effort and not be me. But I have no friends or good relationships with family (who don't understand or tolerate who I am).
Being able to communicate despite differences in status. Don't try to qualify people. Do not let others feel contempt. Don't speak any words outside what someone would commonly be able to accept. Suppression of ego so others are not uncomfortable. Knowing when to not suppress it if others think you are fake.
Empathy implies you can feel with others. Example: You are a man and you talk to a woman. Being empathic means you have a clear mental image of what it might feel like to be a woman and can thus avoid saying things that aren't funny, like sexist bullshit. Or you talk to a student/junior and remember what it felt like when you had no fucking clue and how shitty it was when the old greybeards would scoff at you, with empathy you can talk to people where they are instead of highlighting the difference between you and them.
Most communicative problems I have ever seen (aside from language barriers) could have been resolved by a little bit of empathy.
For those who think they are decent at socializing, one book that may extend your skill further is ' Never split the difference'. Its a book about negotiating, but I think it does teach some key skills. Mirroring for example where you literally repeat back the last few words a person has said, I've found unexpectedly super useful - it almost allows people to expand on what they are saying and helps them go deeper int…
The best guide I have ever seen is https://succeedsocially.com/ It’s so unbelievably straightforward and useful. It’s unfortunate that I discovered it after learning everything the hard way.
It's not bad. Maybe 7/10. I read the page https://www.succeedsocially.com/morefun . Here's my initial impressions. Pros: it identified several important painpoints and give several decent examples. Cons: Being a truly fun person is all about reaction reaction reaction. Fun people react authentically (while censoring their ahole side because you don't want to be fun but unlikable), ridiculously (while reading the room…
For those who think they are decent at socializing, one book that may extend your skill further is ' Never split the difference'. Its a book about negotiating, but I think it does teach some key skills. Mirroring for example where you literally repeat back the last few words a person has said, I've found unexpectedly super useful - it almost allows people to expand on what they are saying and helps them go deeper int…
There's also the classic 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. Many later books are rehashing of parts of HTWFAIP.