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Basic Social Skills Guide

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#61

Post by humanono »

ernst_klim wrote: post #58
humanono wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are what you are because of circumstances. Which is fun and great if you came out as a happy cool human. If you made it through the weird unadjusted side without any gimmick you just loose. No one has to force you to stay what your surroundings made you. It's not your personality it's just a reflection and you can change it and make it better for you by adjusting and reflecting.

You severely underestimate the biological side of things regarding social interaction. Neurodivergent people are what we are not just bc "surroundings made us so"

That includes people like me who are neurodivergent

And I'm also not shaming anyone not wanting or unable to chain themselves.

It was a statement about the uniqueness of ones character and the agency of controlling it/changing or adjusting it by yourself

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#62

Post by TheCapeGreek »

rsaarelm wrote: post #31

Mask every day. Life goal: Be 100% artificial person. All openings and responses must be calculated and faked. Your inner self is faulty and not appropriate at any situation. Once you train and work hard enough to suppress it at all times forever, you may be accepted and allowed to participate.

Fake it till you make it.

"Be yourself" is not wrong, but it's not specific enough.

You can be perfectly authentic, but that doesn't mean being socially uncalibrated.

Get good at being sociable, then blend that with your personal tastes and preferences.

I thought "be yourself" was fine until I grew up and learned I was just being rude to most people and called myself introverted when I didn't make friends.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#63

Post by schoen »

foxglacier wrote: post #53
guerrilla wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this AI spam or psychosis? I don't understand.

3rd option is you just don't understand. This is language people use to describe narcissists. Flying monkeys are people who help them manipulate others and vampires are "emotional vampires". Poster was saying a narcissist had died, leaving their support people leaderless.

A reference to the Wizard of Oz movie? I hadn't heard this jargon before.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#64

Post by rickandmorty99 »

TheCapeGreek wrote: post #60
rickandmorty99 wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> instead of just "winning" interactions Mainstream pickup artists yea. Some niche ones, not really. Wayne Elise feels like a good example, from back in the day. On a throwaway because the judgmental people will judge me for the rest of my life due to me nuancing that not all people associated to pickup artists looked at social interactions in a zero sum way.

Agreed, it feels risky to just be associated these days, even if it's "adjacent" groups that explicitly don't want to be part of the "mechanical" side of improving social skills like "classical" PUA. But, no way to change that in public perception without taking risks and being open about it. So, if you're an HN reader, not wanting to be branded as a PUA but still want to find help socially (especially romantically),…

> But, no way to change that in public perception without taking risks and being open about it.

Yea, I can't take it. I've fixed my dating life but I'm not a charismatic leader by any stretch of the imagination. I've taken multiple stabs in Reddit threads but there is just no good faith discussion to be had. I've also tried it a bit on HN. On HN it's also very dicey.

> So, if you're an HN reader, not wanting to be branded as a PUA but still want to find help socially (especially romantically), my two cents is look into the Ars Amorata community.

Interesting, will check it out. I don't need help by the way. I'm married. And for social skills that I'm still lacking, I know where to go. Unfortunately, not all social skills in dating transfer well to work social skills.

Edit: just checked it out. Good to see Zan is still doing his thing. I remember him "I love women". He definitely influenced me with that quote back in the day.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#65

Post by schoen »

TheCapeGreek wrote: post #60
rickandmorty99 wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> instead of just "winning" interactions Mainstream pickup artists yea. Some niche ones, not really. Wayne Elise feels like a good example, from back in the day. On a throwaway because the judgmental people will judge me for the rest of my life due to me nuancing that not all people associated to pickup artists looked at social interactions in a zero sum way.

Agreed, it feels risky to just be associated these days, even if it's "adjacent" groups that explicitly don't want to be part of the "mechanical" side of improving social skills like "classical" PUA. But, no way to change that in public perception without taking risks and being open about it. So, if you're an HN reader, not wanting to be branded as a PUA but still want to find help socially (especially romantically),…

The founder seems to have missed the opportunity to make a classical reference to Ovid's writing on love, instead constructing some ungrammatical Latin.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ars_Amatoria

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#67

Post by perching_aix »

dartharva wrote: post #51

Can text ever really teach you social skills? Aren't they, by definition, "social" and thus only obtainable through exposure and practice?

This applies to teaching anything ever; it's the difference between teaching the thing and teaching about the thing. It's a caveat to keep in mind, sure, but not much more.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#68

Post by SunlightEdge »

For those who think they are decent at socializing, one book that may extend your skill further is ' Never split the difference'. Its a book about negotiating, but I think it does teach some key skills. Mirroring for example where you literally repeat back the last few words a person has said, I've found unexpectedly super useful - it almost allows people to expand on what they are saying and helps them go deeper into things. Basically the book (and other tools) has helped me become a better listener (I have always been decent at the talking side). https://www.amazon.co.uk/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-...

Note: I only 'mirror' 2-3 times in a conversation. I've found over using it makes it have less impact. But that's just me.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#69

Post by atoav »

strken wrote: post #5

On the topic of "support your friends", if there's a funeral for someone you weren't super close with but your friend knew well and you're not sure whether to go, I would recommend just going, sitting up the back, offering your condolences if the opportunity comes up, and leaving. I've failed to do this twice. Nobody else said or did anything, but I regretted it.

Well the thing is, that sometimes being there and giving them a nod is already saying enough. No need for words. Showing them you care is appropriate if you really do.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#70

Post by SunlightEdge »

PandaRider wrote: post #56
nicbou wrote: post #28

The best guide I have ever seen is https://succeedsocially.com/ It’s so unbelievably straightforward and useful. It’s unfortunate that I discovered it after learning everything the hard way.

It's not bad. Maybe 7/10. I read the page https://www.succeedsocially.com/morefun . Here's my initial impressions. Pros: it identified several important painpoints and give several decent examples. Cons: Being a truly fun person is all about reaction reaction reaction. Fun people react authentically (while censoring their ahole side because you don't want to be fun but unlikable), ridiculously (while reading the room…

Great comment - it feels very true
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