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The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

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Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#31

Post by kdamica »

8f2ab37a-ed6c wrote: post #27

In the US, is it concerning when a "grown man" in his 30s or 40s and beyond still lives with roommates, when dating and trying to attract a mate? Is there an expectation that you should be displaying a certain lifestyle that will attract a partner, and if you're living with a bunch of roommates, you're failing to do that? I believe that's not the case in many other countries in the world, but what about the US?

Especially in high cost areas like NY or SF, it’s completely normal for adults, even highly successful ones, to have roommates. I personally know plenty of men who had roommates up until they moved in with the person they would end up marrying.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#32

Post by [deleted] »

sunscream89 wrote: post #16

I have lived in “intentional communities” and attest that mature and self capable men and women of all ages can and do live excellently in compact (from [augmented] single home suburban dwellings of a dozen *or more) to ranch style configurations. It is truly a new level of human excellence. The Epicurean garden of our age. This has never worked without the WORK involved. People clean, people have a forum for regular…

[deleted]

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#33

Post by GregDavidson »

I'm a geek and have shared my home with housemates for 50 years. When I was poor and when I was prosperous. When I was married and when I was not. It's almost always been good for me, including for growth in my social intelligence. It was especially valuable when my wife died. Some of my housemates have been challenging. More became close friends. Living together people take their masks off. Quality social connections have been invaluable to me.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#34

Post by hnthrow90348765 »

OutOfHere wrote: post #29
8f2ab37a-ed6c wrote: post #27

In the US, is it concerning when a "grown man" in his 30s or 40s and beyond still lives with roommates, when dating and trying to attract a mate? Is there an expectation that you should be displaying a certain lifestyle that will attract a partner, and if you're living with a bunch of roommates, you're failing to do that? I believe that's not the case in many other countries in the world, but what about the US?

Absolutely. All else being equal, a man over the age of 30 without his own residence is basically undatable (as per unsaid expectations in the US).

Treating this as a universal standard of women for men is probably more harmful to anyone's dating chances than having roommates or not.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#36

Post by bee_rider »

micromacrofoot wrote: post #9
ramesh31 wrote: post #6

Women have such different lives. It's things like this that make it so painfully obvious why single men are isolated and alone in modern society.

on the other hand I've yet to meet a woman that punches holes in drywall when they're mad, I've had 2 male roommates that have

Bad male behavior is generally a bit more threatening and unpleasant to be around. But, I’ve also lived with good male friends, and with male strangers that ended up being great.

I mean, we didn’t twerk together. But it was fun to have a guy to plop down on the couch and watch play videogames, talk about Romans with, or whatever other male-coded quirkiness you want to pull up.

We often say “normalize ” to the point where it has become a bit of a trite phrase. But, there’s a lot of social pressure for men to be isolated. We should normalize living with your bros. It shouldn’t just be the wall-punchers that live together. (I mean, it isn’t).

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#38

Post by Aurornis »

The talk about having roommates into your 30s, 40s, and 50s to be able to split the load, avoid loneliness, socialize more, find motivation to do things with others, and have interesting conversations with people in different life situations is all interesting and good. Certainly something a single person should at least consider.

But it also feels funny to read this as a someone with a family at home, because a healthy family home life checks all of these boxes and more. I’m sure someone will come along to comment that not all families are this good at being friendly and splitting the load of cooking and such, but I think you’d find that most roommate situations aren’t splitting the load of cooking and making meals together like this at a much higher rate.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#39

Post by Aurornis »

sunscream89 wrote: post #16

I have lived in “intentional communities” and attest that mature and self capable men and women of all ages can and do live excellently in compact (from [augmented] single home suburban dwellings of a dozen *or more) to ranch style configurations. It is truly a new level of human excellence. The Epicurean garden of our age. This has never worked without the WORK involved. People clean, people have a forum for regular…

> It is truly a new level of human excellence. The Epicurean garden of our age.

> This has never worked without the WORK involved. People clean, people have a forum for regular discussion, people have responsibilities, and people come and go.

> If you want a better life sometimes you have to game up with a better self.

I think it’s funny to hear the concept of teaming up with other people, putting in the work, sharing responsibilities, and having discussions among the community unit is described as “a new level of human excellence”

Because this is just describing what it’s like to have a family and a household. Many people do this. A lot of this thread feels like single people reinventing the concept of family to fill a void. That’s fine, of course. The funny part is being it described as a new and novel form of human excellence

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#40

Post by Aurornis »

8f2ab37a-ed6c wrote: post #27

In the US, is it concerning when a "grown man" in his 30s or 40s and beyond still lives with roommates, when dating and trying to attract a mate? Is there an expectation that you should be displaying a certain lifestyle that will attract a partner, and if you're living with a bunch of roommates, you're failing to do that? I believe that's not the case in many other countries in the world, but what about the US?

The US is a huge and diverse country. People in it have diverse expectations.

It’s also going to depend on the location. Having roommates in a very high cost city is no big deal at all.

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