Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

supernuclear.substack.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 119 posts

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#21

Post by d4mi3n »

nsksl wrote: post #12
cpach wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One could argue that for many people, isolation is a form of poverty.

You could argue everything, but I’m pretty sure 99% of those sharing a flat are doing so because they can’t afford a flat for themselves, not because they enjoy the company.

It can also be a matter of preference. I lived alone after moving away from my family for a few years. For someone working long hours, far from home, with a demanding job, there is a particular kind of loneliness at coming home after dark to a cold, quiet home.

I ended up cohabitating with close friends after that for a solid decade, during which I met my wife who also joined us. It can be a wonderful arrangement if you have the right people and everyone is working to look after themselves and each other.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#22

Post by lelandfe »

derektank wrote: post #8

>With six roommates, I would cook a couple dishes a week. Every meal would be multi course, with different people making salad, protein, sides, and maybe mixing up some drinks for the cooks. I've never split meals with any of my roommates when I had them, and I cringe at the idea of asking them to accommodate my own idiosyncratic tastes. I, naturally, have lived on my own since I could possibly afford it. But I can s…

Yeah, if you’ve got really hard opinions about what you like, it might be tough. It might also be a way to expand your palette though? I’m living with a Swiss girl and an Argentinian guy right now and am enjoying the new foods I’m introduced to.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#23

Post by sfilmeyer »

ramesh31 wrote: post #13
micromacrofoot wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

on the other hand I've yet to meet a woman that punches holes in drywall when they're mad, I've had 2 male roommates that have

>on the other hand I've yet to meet a woman that punches holes in drywall when they're mad, I've had 2 male roommates that have This is basically my point. Adult women can live together, adult men cannot.

I'm a man, and had wonderful experiences with my many (mostly male) roommates, with only occasional hiccups. Saying adult men cannot live together seems pretty excessive.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#24

Post by derektank »

mock-possum wrote: post #20
ramesh31 wrote: post #6

Women have such different lives. It's things like this that make it so painfully obvious why single men are isolated and alone in modern society.

Could you expand on that a bit? You’re the second comment to say this is about ‘women’ and I don’t get it - what’s different? Whatever you think is ‘painfully obvious’ here is obviously not landing for me, can you spell it out?

>I missed coming home to postgame my bad dates with my roommates over a cup of tea.

For whatever reason, I think men are a lot less likely to engage in this kind of social behavior, even if they are roommates. They're also a lot less likely to engage in spontaneous dance parties or enjoy group hip hop twerking exercises. Basically, a lot of the benefits of having roommates that the author describes are experienced far less often by men with roommates

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#25

Post by ipaddr »

mock-possum wrote: post #18
OutOfHere wrote: post #11

The article is clearly for a class of women who want to stay single forever, not for men. Most people should be focusing more on having stable relationships with a partner, not into roommates.

Why women? It’s written by a woman, certainly, who does offer the disclaimer, > I understand not everyone is wired like I am. Why not men? Why would a man not prefer to live with roommates, to split meals and chores and have easy companionship for a cup of tea and a movie at the end of the day? On the other hand, why should a man not want to be naked around the house, play trashy music at 7am, and bring someone home…

Women are more likely to pair up for safety and community reasons.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#26

Post by OutOfHere »

mock-possum wrote: post #18
OutOfHere wrote: post #11

The article is clearly for a class of women who want to stay single forever, not for men. Most people should be focusing more on having stable relationships with a partner, not into roommates.

Why women? It’s written by a woman, certainly, who does offer the disclaimer, > I understand not everyone is wired like I am. Why not men? Why would a man not prefer to live with roommates, to split meals and chores and have easy companionship for a cup of tea and a movie at the end of the day? On the other hand, why should a man not want to be naked around the house, play trashy music at 7am, and bring someone home…

Women can be more social, whereas men can be more independent, taken to their respective extremes. Men don't like having to explain their behavior to someone, or want to tolerate anyone else's behavior. Being social was cool back in college, but not since past the age of 35.

Men are fighting hard to improve their resumes/businesses/finances/health, and as such their lives, and they don't need or value idle time spent with roommates coming in the way. The role of a provider weighs more heavily on men.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#27

Post by 8f2ab37a-ed6c »

In the US, is it concerning when a "grown man" in his 30s or 40s and beyond still lives with roommates, when dating and trying to attract a mate? Is there an expectation that you should be displaying a certain lifestyle that will attract a partner, and if you're living with a bunch of roommates, you're failing to do that?

I believe that's not the case in many other countries in the world, but what about the US?

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#28

Post by ramesh31 »

derektank wrote: post #24
mock-possum wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Could you expand on that a bit? You’re the second comment to say this is about ‘women’ and I don’t get it - what’s different? Whatever you think is ‘painfully obvious’ here is obviously not landing for me, can you spell it out?

>I missed coming home to postgame my bad dates with my roommates over a cup of tea. For whatever reason, I think men are a lot less likely to engage in this kind of social behavior, even if they are roommates. They're also a lot less likely to engage in spontaneous dance parties or enjoy group hip hop twerking exercises. Basically, a lot of the benefits of having roommates that the author describes are experienced fa…

Pretty much. And I'm not even remotely saying it's a good thing. This is one of a myriad reasons men objectively live shorter, less healthy, and lonelier lives. You can speculate a million more reasons as to why, but it's just the reality of life.

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#29

Post by OutOfHere »

8f2ab37a-ed6c wrote: post #27

In the US, is it concerning when a "grown man" in his 30s or 40s and beyond still lives with roommates, when dating and trying to attract a mate? Is there an expectation that you should be displaying a certain lifestyle that will attract a partner, and if you're living with a bunch of roommates, you're failing to do that? I believe that's not the case in many other countries in the world, but what about the US?

Absolutely. All else being equal, a man over the age of 30 without his own residence is basically undatable (as per unsaid expectations in the US).

Re: The case for having roommates even when you can afford to live alone

#30

Post by micromacrofoot »

sfilmeyer wrote: post #23
ramesh31 wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>on the other hand I've yet to meet a woman that punches holes in drywall when they're mad, I've had 2 male roommates that have This is basically my point. Adult women can live together, adult men cannot.

I'm a man, and had wonderful experiences with my many (mostly male) roommates, with only occasional hiccups. Saying adult men cannot live together seems pretty excessive.

they can but it's inherently riskier, especially with a woman involved
Post reply on HN