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Why Koreans ask what year you were born

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Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#251

Post by wccrawford »

beAbU wrote: post #199
rayiner wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I spent almost 10 years trying to avoid calling my mother and father in law by their first names. In my home country's language there are words for "mother in law" and "father in law" you can use in a second person context, but English doesn't have any. My wife has the opposite problem. She's gotten stuck calling my parents "Mr. XYZ" and "Mrs. XYZ."

My inlaws are addressed "mom" and "dad" - is that weird?

I've decided that in English, every way to address your inlaws is weird until you settle on something specifically with them. "Mom" and "Dad" or "John" and "Jane", both will be weird until you've used them for a while.

And if they don't like what you picked, you'll know pretty quick.

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#252

Post by quesera »

fxtentacle wrote: post #229
joshdavham wrote: post #211

How does this generally work with romantic relationships? Do people usually only start relationships if they are of the same age?

Typically the girl will pretend the guy to be older, if that isn't the case. That's why girls in movies and K-Pop groups always shout "Oppa!". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwmSjveL3Lc And you might remember the Oppa that is Gangnam Style: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0

> And you might remember the Oppa that is Gangnam Style:

My cultural awareness, which is distinctly non-Asian, assumed that this "Oppa" had something to do with horses.

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#253

Post by ryandrake »

mattgreenrocks wrote: post #160
bmicraft wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I really don't get why just the concept of deserving respect for having lived longer - why does that make you more deserving of respect, irrespective of how you lived?

Think of it more as a little extra atop the basic courtesy due to all people (unless they prove otherwise).

I see basic courtesy as required, but respect must be earned and can be withdrawn. Respect is earned through good behavior, not by simply growing old.

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#254

Post by wccrawford »

Llamamoe wrote: post #130
bitbasher wrote: post #128

Japanese also has a number of social systems and expectations that can be tricky to navigate as an outsider. When I was younger and studying Japanese I used to play a popular Japanese MMORPG. It was popular among middle aged individuals (25-50). I was lucky enough to meet a Japanese clan leader that invited me into one of the largest clans in the game. Fast forward a year or so-- and a new player joined the clan. One…

> I would often suggest things we could do or ask if they wanted to do something. In reality, it was expected to do small talk and wait for senior clan members to suggest something to do. I was crossing some social boundary... I know that this sort of shit happens in corporations and the government, but the idea that it crosses over into even multiplayer games makes me reconsider if I really want to ever visit Japan.…

As an obvious foreigner, you are 100% exempt from all this. In fact, if you get it right, it'll make them feel weird and they'll try to avoid that.

I read a story once about someone who went to McDonalds in Japanese, and the clerk flipped the menu to the English side. The person flipped it back over, and the clerk flipped it to English again! They simply couldn't believe the foreigner could read it.

And I've read stories of people who didn't act like a "gaijin" (foreigner) and people didn't know how to interact with them, and the person finally just accepted it and acted like they expected a gaijin to act, and then everything was fine.

Seriously, just go. They were incredibly nice to us while we were there visiting.

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#255

Post by [deleted] »

xenadu02 wrote: post #210

In the USA as a low-level employee address the company CEO as "heya phil, hows it going?". Then address your friend with "Hello Mr. Smith". In most cases you won't get a positive reaction out of either one of those (yes exceptions exist). How about this: address your husband/wife as "Mr/Mrs ", especially after a fight. Similarly when the kids have been doing something or you are frustrated with your partner say " you…

[deleted]

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#256

Post by edoceo »

tasty_freeze wrote: post #236
xenadu02 wrote: post #210

In the USA as a low-level employee address the company CEO as "heya phil, hows it going?". Then address your friend with "Hello Mr. Smith". In most cases you won't get a positive reaction out of either one of those (yes exceptions exist). How about this: address your husband/wife as "Mr/Mrs ", especially after a fight. Similarly when the kids have been doing something or you are frustrated with your partner say " you…

A few years back I had a long back and forth (and productive) email exchange with an older engineer (in his 50s, like I was at the time) on a matter of a particular old computer. He lives in a former soviet state. At some point he mentioned job prospects in his country are limited and was willing to relocate. He had excellent English and as a fellow nerd who loves getting into the low level details, I thought he migh…

HR at multi-national not aware of culture. Is that ironic?

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#257

Post by mikestew »

xenadu02 wrote: post #210

In the USA as a low-level employee address the company CEO as "heya phil, hows it going?". Then address your friend with "Hello Mr. Smith". In most cases you won't get a positive reaction out of either one of those (yes exceptions exist). How about this: address your husband/wife as "Mr/Mrs ", especially after a fight. Similarly when the kids have been doing something or you are frustrated with your partner say " you…

Your point is well-taken, but I've addressed two CEOs (that you might have heard) of by their first names, one named "Bill" and another one named "Steve". I still had a job for years after. But I was so low-level, they probably didn't even know who to fire.

Smaller companies, OTOH, have proven to be a bit hit-or-miss.

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#258

Post by Ray20 »

4gotunameagain wrote: post #95
whensean wrote: post #89

From the perspective of national and social development, this is definitely a dross culture. This system similar to hierarchy seemingly increases the courtesy among people. However, it more often leads to age bullying, blind obedience to the elders, and hinders resistance and innovation. Influenced by Confucian culture, China doesn't have such a perverted etiquette system at all.

Typical cultural superiority bias. Every way has its pros and cons. Having an age related hierarchy might have benefits like societal coherence or stability. I am not a proponent of it, I just acknowledge my inability to fully grasp the impact and ramifications as to label one as superior and the other as "perverted".

>benefits like societal coherence or stability

The situation looks exactly the opposite if you look at the birth rate in the Korea.

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#259

Post by dale_huevo »

tasty_freeze wrote: post #236
xenadu02 wrote: post #210

In the USA as a low-level employee address the company CEO as "heya phil, hows it going?". Then address your friend with "Hello Mr. Smith". In most cases you won't get a positive reaction out of either one of those (yes exceptions exist). How about this: address your husband/wife as "Mr/Mrs ", especially after a fight. Similarly when the kids have been doing something or you are frustrated with your partner say " you…

A few years back I had a long back and forth (and productive) email exchange with an older engineer (in his 50s, like I was at the time) on a matter of a particular old computer. He lives in a former soviet state. At some point he mentioned job prospects in his country are limited and was willing to relocate. He had excellent English and as a fellow nerd who loves getting into the low level details, I thought he migh…

> The HR person had called to phone screen him and called him "Vlad" or whatever in greeting.

Is that measurably worse than the current new normal? Call him Mr. Vladsky, tell him he's a great fit and schedule an interview, then block his number and email and never contact him again.

Re: Why Koreans ask what year you were born

#260

Post by balanced2 »

edoceo wrote: post #256
tasty_freeze wrote: post #236

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A few years back I had a long back and forth (and productive) email exchange with an older engineer (in his 50s, like I was at the time) on a matter of a particular old computer. He lives in a former soviet state. At some point he mentioned job prospects in his country are limited and was willing to relocate. He had excellent English and as a fellow nerd who loves getting into the low level details, I thought he migh…

HR at multi-national not aware of culture. Is that ironic?

It's normal - at least for the big US companies, even with a large presence the culture is highly American. I remember when a VP of APAC sent a org email expressing strong feelings about the Black Lives Matter protests, and it was quite awkward since that wasn't really an issue discussed outside the US - he couldn't even understand how it couldn't be an issue for everyone.

Getting to hit the culture filter very early in interviews is probably a better outcome than ending up at the company and feeling awkward, not sure how intentional that is though.

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