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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#491

Post by bradlys »

noworriesnate wrote: post #454
bradlys wrote: post #108

I’m not the target audience but I wonder if I’m the type of individual it wishes would attend. (There is a caveat) I’m in my mid-30s, relatively successful, educated, friendly, outgoing, and so on. When I think of many men in my life, I am there for them emotionally and mentally. I’ve been there when times were good and bad. But, I have no interest in this even a little. If I wanted more male friends, it’d be trivial…

Have you tried going to partner dancing events? That’s where I met my wife. Contra dance, swing dance, etc. There’s usual more women than men in my experience, and you get to be a hero for saving the wallflowers from being wallflowers.

I did it for fifteen years and am quite accomplished. Traveled the world for it and done everything you can imagine.

It was pretty damn useless cause I’m just not physically attractive even after multiple surgeries, spending time lifting, wearing nice tailored clothes, etc. Dancing is also nowhere near as mainstream or popular as it was 10+ years ago in the US. I gave up on it overall because the communities are no longer full of fun people. More men than women in most communities I’ve been in as well.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#492

Post by lupusreal »

craftkiller wrote: post #458
dwighttk wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your impression is mistaken. E.g. Girl Scouts: allowed to be girls only Boy Scouts: now “Scouting” because girls are allowed My intramural sports in college had coed and women only teams

Those two scouts programs aren't even remotely comparable, both in substance and prestige. Many girl scout troops barely did any camping/outdoor activity, whereas boys got to earn the prestige of "eagle scout" and go on various outdoor adventures (multi-day treks through the mountains, building igloos and camping inside them, camping on an island only accessible by a canoe, etc). It was a tragedy that girls didn't ha…

Whether a boyscout group sits around and does lame crafts or goes into the woods to start fires and hit each other with sticks is entirely down to the leadership (boys and adults) in that troop. So to is it with girlscouts. There is nothing intrinsic about boyscouts that makes it more exciting, except that it was lead by guys.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#493

Post by aaronbaugher »

BlueTemplar wrote: post #408
parpfish wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they never have to break the ice and talk to those around them one of the unexpected consequences of social media is that people have been conflating being informed with being connected . asking "what have you been up to?" was to be a nice easy opening into a conversation that lead to connection. but thanks to broadcast updates on social media, your friends already know w…

Hasn't this kind of usage of « social media » died down a decade ago ?

I don't think so. I think some of us early adopters of this stuff got tired of it and dropped out before being tired of social media was cool, but we were replaced by a new crowd that's as hooked on it as ever.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#494

Post by gilbetron »

amelius wrote: post #392
scoofy wrote: post #316

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yea, I loved the relationships in NYC, just not the grind. Everyone was trying to "make it" everything was expensive while at the same time there is garbage juice on the street in 90º heat. I'd go see my friends shows, but never got on the list because they had to get paying customers to get invited back. Tough living, and that's not even saying anything about trying to be a cyclist in the city. I've lived in SF for…

Americans will probably never admit it but they are really bad at urban planning.

Funny that you were downvoted after saying that. As an American I agree with what I think you mean, but I believe Americans think they are good at urban planning because what they plan for is just different. They plan for cars and single family homes.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#495

Post by JimDabell »

SiempreViernes wrote: post #481
nothercastle wrote: post #472

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Obviously the remaining members think it’s better but as an adverse selection problem you can’t ask the ones that left

The notion that any members left is your own invention.

From a Reddit discussion about the same article:

> I spoke with some men at the Man Shed in Edinburgh at Christmas and they mentioned that in the cases they had heard about where women had been let in the number of male members dropped.

— https://www.reddit.com/r/unitedkingdom/comments/1k6w3pr/we_p...

Aside from that, just take a look at what happened. When women joined, the men responded by finding a men-only room to “escape” to. It’s hardly a great leap to think that some of those men will escape someplace else instead.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#496

Post by bradlys »

SoftTalker wrote: post #223
bradlys wrote: post #198

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The times have changed. Meeting your spouse in person is pretty uncommon for educated white collar workers in nyc like myself. Almost everyone I know has met their partner off a dating app in the last few years. It’s exhausting. I’m also uniquely ugly and that’s my main issue. So, again, times are different. Huge emphasis on looks above all other features. Attraction precedes curiosity.

> I’m also uniquely ugly All the more reason to avoid dating apps and do it the old way. Dating apps are entirely superficial at least for the initial matching.

I agree but I’d say dating app mentality has infiltrated all aspects of dating life. So many women I know have complained about apps and not wanting to use them but then they only end up meeting their serious long term partners through them. The women I run into today are extremely specific about what they will find attractive.

End of the day, women do want to be physically attracted to their partner and that’s what the apps offer immediately. It’s just something I’m going to be unable to provide and the type of woman who doesn’t emphasize appearance is hyper-rare and in extreme demand.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#497

Post by jajko »

fock wrote: post #274
BJones12 wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Talking about your feelings without fear of a woman getting the ick.

And so what? Given the display of men's feelings w.r.t. to "mixed groups", I (heterosexual male) get the ick about some people here... For me most of it is about the space/relationship where certain things should happen, but I guess scientific misogyny is a thing too.

Why so toxic without understanding (and caring to understand) the other side of the discussion?

Plenty of full explanations in this thread.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#498

Post by HankStallone »

jamesdeluk wrote: post #232
JimDabell wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

Why didn't they start Women's Sheds?

Women do have their own spaces, at least here in the Midwest US. But women tend to think the men are having more fun over in their male-only spaces, so they want into them, and then those spaces become co-ed, and pretty soon the men are looking around for a new male-only space. Not because they don't enjoy spending time with women, but because there's something about a male-only space that lets a man relax and recharge in a different way.

That cycle tends to repeat, and you don't really see it in reverse. Men are mildly curious, at most, about what women do in their own spaces, and generally don't seek to join them. That probably adds to the perception women have that the male-only spaces are more fun.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#499

Post by steveBK123 »

HankStallone wrote: post #487
steveBK123 wrote: post #435

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I dunno, generationally we may be correcting a problem that will soon no longer exist, or even invert. Women are attending and graduating college in higher numbers than men in GenZ. Much of the man-o-sphere GenZ rightward turn seems to be resentment at society being sure what the use of men is anymore. That is, from a very young age girls are told they can do/be whatever they want. Often now, boys are described in te…

Yes, I know parents who wonder why the boys at school seem to have no ambition, and don't apply for scholarships and get involved in things as much as they used to. The same parents also notice that all the literature at school now has female protagonists--not half of it, but nearly all of it. They don't seem to make the connection between these things. Boys at school are told to sit down and shut up (and take drugs…

People have a hard time reconciling the difference between “raise group X up” and “knock group Y down”.

The former is a universal good and the correct way to remedy historical injustice. The latter is punishing people, literally, for the sins of their fathers.

There is of course complexity and some zero sum situations where raising X harms Y, but most of the world is not zero sum and you do not have to start from that default position.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#500

Post by aaronbaugher »

steveBK123 wrote: post #499
HankStallone wrote: post #487

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, I know parents who wonder why the boys at school seem to have no ambition, and don't apply for scholarships and get involved in things as much as they used to. The same parents also notice that all the literature at school now has female protagonists--not half of it, but nearly all of it. They don't seem to make the connection between these things. Boys at school are told to sit down and shut up (and take drugs…

People have a hard time reconciling the difference between “raise group X up” and “knock group Y down”. The former is a universal good and the correct way to remedy historical injustice. The latter is punishing people, literally, for the sins of their fathers. There is of course complexity and some zero sum situations where raising X harms Y, but most of the world is not zero sum and you do not have to start from tha…

True. I suppose the problem is that knocking down Y is often easier than raising up X. And group revenge can feel good.
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