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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#251

Post by Aeolun »

rchaud wrote: post #73
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

> Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today. You just described a country club, right down to the innate classism and exclusivity rules.

Isn’t the whole point that you get people of similar socioeconomic status? Half the reason expensive things are sometimes nicer is that there’s no massive crowd in those stores.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#252

Post by bcraven »

JimDabell wrote: post #181
keiferski wrote: post #173

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

You have selectively quoted that article. Note the last four paragraphs are:

>Andrew McNerney, 70, admitted there was initially some resistance to becoming a mixed group.

>He said: "There was apprehension, but in all honesty, it's turned out well.

>"We [the men] escape now and again [to the quiet room] and have a chat and weigh things up."

>But he added: "It's a lovely atmosphere, and it's been good."

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#253

Post by jl6 »

subscribed wrote: post #242
jamesdeluk wrote: post #232

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why didn't they start Women's Sheds?

Oh, but why if they're having a functional clubs already? I feel like men only spaces in the UK are frowned upon (see Garrick club narration). No matter the reason, the only way single sex spaces work here is women only.

In UK law, it is generally considered sex discrimination to exclude someone on the basis of their sex, unless that exclusion is a “proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim”. It’s fairly well understood that women have sex-based needs that justify this aim, but very rarely recognized that men might have such needs too. Maybe this is one of them.

The fear will always be that male-only spaces will become centers of power and decision-making that women are excluded from. That’s where the private London clubs sit. Doesn’t seem as likely to happen in a shed, but who knows?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#254

Post by smaudet »

Hmm, I have used sites like this in past to some effect to make real world connections.

Signed up, but despite asking if I lived in one of three cities and selecting "other", it seemed to stick me in some event without a location?

There could be room for another app, e.g. Meetup has gotten particularly money hungry. If this is just a prototype I guess good luck!

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#255

Post by wiseowise »

benchloftbrunch wrote: post #48
Tasboo wrote: post #27

Male loneliness talk aside, why wouldn’t you start a Facebook group to get a gauge for actual interest? I know you mentioned deliberately not using Facebook and Meetup, but spinning up a whole new site just to connect with people seems like a lot of work for something that is largely a solved problem on those platforms. Facebook groups are very popular because so many people are already connected into it. Getting peo…

That would exclude me and others who refuse on principle to use Facebook (or really any social media owned by Meta).

Right.

Excluding, let’s be honest, a couple of weirdos who don’t use FB as ideological stance is a problem.

Excluding huge swaths of “normies”(who are majority of people) by setting up third party website with zero reputation is not.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#256

Post by wiseowise »

throwanem wrote: post #67
Vilian wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are different ways to cope with loneliness, some find ways to fix it, others post assholes comments on people's projects trying to fix it

I think it'd be a shame to see someone make what looks to me like a mistake with a potentially severe opportunity cost. I'm an asshole for not keeping my mouth shut? It's just a website. Nobody has to listen.

Don’t let haters shut you up, keep grinding, king.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#257

Post by King-Aaron »

jl6 wrote: post #253
subscribed wrote: post #242

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh, but why if they're having a functional clubs already? I feel like men only spaces in the UK are frowned upon (see Garrick club narration). No matter the reason, the only way single sex spaces work here is women only.

In UK law, it is generally considered sex discrimination to exclude someone on the basis of their sex, unless that exclusion is a “proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim”. It’s fairly well understood that women have sex-based needs that justify this aim, but very rarely recognized that men might have such needs too. Maybe this is one of them. The fear will always be that male-only spaces will become center…

Generally speaking women are more than welcome at Mens Sheds (In Australia, at least). The ratio of men to women that enjoy sanding wood and tinkering with lawnmowers usually leans more heavily to men, but I've seen the girls around the traps too.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#258

Post by throwaway_95283 »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

It's alive and well in south america. let the haters hate.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#259

Post by JimDabell »

bcraven wrote: post #252
JimDabell wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

You have selectively quoted that article. Note the last four paragraphs are: >Andrew McNerney, 70, admitted there was initially some resistance to becoming a mixed group. >He said: "There was apprehension, but in all honesty, it's turned out well. >"We [the men] escape now and again [to the quiet room] and have a chat and weigh things up." >But he added: "It's a lovely atmosphere, and it's been good."

Yes. I selectively pulled out the bits that I thought were relevant instead of quoting the whole thing.

I know he said that it’s been good, but taken in relation to the rest of the article, I don’t place much weight on it.

The women persistently pressured the men to join, the men were apprehensive, they allowed them in for one morning, one morning turned into all the time, women now comprise 50% of the group, and the men’s area is now relegated to a back room they escape to.

They got one of the men to say it was good, but that’s not the story that the article was telling.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#260

Post by anal_reactor »

monocularvision wrote: post #172
erikerikson wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Cognitive habit problems aside, this is one of the primary provisions of churches/temples/et cetera. Frequently featuring gender divided activities.

I realize that it is silly to tell non-believers to go to church to fix their problems but it’s funny how often people talk about place or group or organization that seems to be missing in society that was fulfilled by houses of worship in the past.

That's true, but pretty much every religion beyond certain size focuses on growth and power at all costs, and treats the social function as a sidequest. I hate religion exactly because I see what it does to people's brains. Parents abandon their children "because priest told me to do so".
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