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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#191

Post by bluefirebrand »

flomo wrote: post #182
bluefirebrand wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I don't agree. If you choose the right club you don't have to conform and you can just be yourself There is absolutely no such club for many people who are even slightly out of the normal expected range of behavior

Really? Back in my day, there were all sorts of nerd groups, which were often plagued with horrible social dysfunction.[0] People just muddled through. [0] https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/

In my experience people do not just muddle through anymore. I don't want to speculate about why that might be, but I have seen so many weird behaviour explosions at these sorts of events myself that leads to people being ostracized

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#192

Post by Animats »

mitthrowaway2 wrote: post #117
Animats wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's the Mechanics Institute Library in San Francisco. I used to be a member. If you want to see people sitting around in wing-backed chairs, half asleep, that's the place to go. It's quite a good library, too.

You're not supposed to talk in a library, so it's explicitly not a social space.

And the Mechanics Institute librarians will shush people for talking.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#193

Post by flomo »

rchaud wrote: post #127
sandspar wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This comment inadvertently reveals why clubs like this can't exist: there's always someone counting races and genders in photos. High functioning male social clubs generally have implicit rules, like "straight-acting gay guys are fine but don't make it weird" or "no weird lefties". But you can't have those rules anymore. So "male social clubs" get overrun with board game types who are OK with accepting everyone. Whic…

But high status guys by definition wouldn't be seen dead in clubs like these to begin with. They are socially successful ladder climbers already, that's part and parcel of being high status.

I think a gracious reading here is a "boardgame type" is the sort of person you would only encounter at your friendly local game store etc. GP has a point, but I know plenty of 'high(er) status' groups include 'non-straight-acting' and 'weird lefty' guys, but they are cool guys to hang out with, and not like weirdos who slithered out of their mother's basement.

Popular people like other popular people, because that's how you throw a party.

Anyway I wish OP the best. But in the grand tradition of internet meetups, "these people are really fucking weird."

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#194

Post by barry-cotter »

ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126
BurningFrog wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are male only country clubs legal?

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

Because men and women are different and have mixed and single sex spaces have radically different norms and interaction styles. Given that all respectable mixed institutions default to female interaction styles this is profoundly alienating for men.

If one has never spent any time in all male spaces or has and thinks that men are defective women, like the average male therapist or counsellor this may not be obvious.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#195

Post by groestl »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #153
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

What I've learned is that as an outsider, a group is less likely to be a threat to me (I'm male) if there's at least one women there. Maybe that's because attention is then directed inwards, and that, in turn, might cause the relaxed feeling at the inside to diminish.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#197

Post by barry-cotter »

skort wrote: post #81
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

How about just more third-spaces without the classist gatekeeping?

You can but then you need some other way to gatekeep because a community of trust has to have an inside and an outside. Someone needs to keep people who don’t belong out, for whatever value of “don’t belong” you want to build a community around.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#198

Post by bradlys »

SoftTalker wrote: post #131
bradlys wrote: post #108

I’m not the target audience but I wonder if I’m the type of individual it wishes would attend. (There is a caveat) I’m in my mid-30s, relatively successful, educated, friendly, outgoing, and so on. When I think of many men in my life, I am there for them emotionally and mentally. I’ve been there when times were good and bad. But, I have no interest in this even a little. If I wanted more male friends, it’d be trivial…

No women at the gym? OK it sounds obvious but you just need to get involved with things where there is female participation and not just dudes. Pottery, book clubs, hiking/biking groups, cooking groups, dance lessons, various volunteer groups, even church, etc. But it has to be stuff you're genuinely interested in regardless. Nothing will come off worse than a new guy who's clearly there just to meet women (although,…

The times have changed. Meeting your spouse in person is pretty uncommon for educated white collar workers in nyc like myself. Almost everyone I know has met their partner off a dating app in the last few years. It’s exhausting.

I’m also uniquely ugly and that’s my main issue. So, again, times are different. Huge emphasis on looks above all other features. Attraction precedes curiosity.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#199

Post by bluefirebrand »

ToucanLoucan wrote: post #165
bluefirebrand wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

[flagged]

> Like I'm being a bit of a contrarian dick

This is the only thing you've said that I agree with

> If you lose the ability to be a normal person

What is normal for a group of men is different than what is normal for the same group of men when a woman is present

It's not rocket science here.

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