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Nobody Cares

bennesvig.com

31–40 of 73 posts

Re: Nobody Cares

#31

Have a good what? Have a good time? Have a good weekend? Have a good life? Day. It means "have a good day ".

thanks for clarifying this. Being new to the US, I initially found it slightly strange when people would say that; but I've come to love the warmth and politeness that comes with it. Also, saying "Have a great weekend" usually makes the other person's face light up with happiness :)

Re: Nobody Cares

#32
post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't do it to make myself feel better. I care. I've had plenty of them tell me they're having a bad day or what have you.

But cashiers/servers probably get asked that same question "how are you?" a hundred times per day. Customers who think they are being nice by starting small talk may have the opposite affect. It's all context really.Small talk in a busy line is probably not the best idea.

It all depends on the person, and there's no way to tell without asking. If someone doesn't want to talk, it's quite easy to tell from their response to the question. If that's the case, you end the conversation there, and nobody cares.

Anecdotally, I have started many conversations with service people this way, and I'm not much of a talker. In fact, it's usually them telling me about how horribly things are going, and I just listen. It's interesting how often a perfect stranger will open up to you if you just show a little empathy.

Re: Nobody Cares

#33
post #22

The first thing I do when interacting with someone who is providing me a service is ask them how their day is going. Why? Because no one does this (I'm in London), more often than not it really makes a positive difference to this persons day, i.e. they are genuinely shocked that someone gives a shit (I do by the way) and it doesn't cost me a single thing to do. I think it's something everyone should do.

>I think it's something everyone should do. Nah, i don't think so, because most people (me included) wouldn't actually care and then it would devolve into meaningless politeness. I prefer that only the people (like you) who actually care signal that they care.

I think he meant that everyone should care, not just that everyone should say the words. I guess its really up to you whether you want to do it or not, but it is a pleasant attribute

Re: Nobody Cares

#34
post #8

When I am interacting with someone who is "serving" me in some way and they ask how I am doing... I almost always ask them back. It is quite interesting the different reactions I get. They pretty much have to be pleasant and I think it throws them off when people are pleasant by choice.

this is kind of a jerk thing to do because a server / cashier person basically has to be nice even if they feel crappy so when you ask them "how are you doing" you are forcing them to lie. do you feel better now?

It varies a bit by culture and establishment. I've run into plenty of coffee shop employees from non-chain stores who'll be happy to complain about their day if you inquire. Also got an unexpectedly long answer at a Trader Joe's checkout counter once, a whole story about a messed-up delivery resulting in a bunch of broken bottles, when I asked how he was doing.

Re: Nobody Cares

#35
In the US at least, please stop analyzing these types of social interactions literally. The subtext is quite different. Basically, "Hi, how are you doing?" is the equivalent of "Hi, I'm being a pleasant person going through this standard cultural greeting." Expecting something more from this pattern shows a poor understanding of the culture.

Breaking out of this is easy. As other people have mentioned, simply departing from the script is effective. For example, you can follow-up "Hi, how are you doing?" with "How's your day been going?" or "It's pretty busy in here." There's also subtext here and it's basically "I'd like to engage in a conversation."

I'm not even sure how you ask a person how they're doing in a way that lets them know you mean it without sounding condescending.

Re: Nobody Cares

#36
Telling people to care that don't already won't have the effect you are looking for. It's like telling the sky to be green.

Good plan otherwise, though.

Re: Nobody Cares

#37
Somewhat related: am I the only one who's not in love with the new trend of startups sending fake "personal" messages to new users?

I know you want to show you care, but I haven't had 5 minutes to try out your app and you're already asking me if I need any help and when we can schedule a Skype call so you can show me all your cool features.

I usually just ignore these messages, but always feel slightly bad on the off chance that it actually wasn't an automated message and I just snubbed a real person.

Re: Nobody Cares

#38
The angst in this post is really off putting. It reads like a series of observations by someone having a bad day after reading a book about existentialism (Mark Cuban is more likely to answer my emails than my friends?). He hints that caring can make you more successful as a business. But ultimately decides that we should care more simply to seperate ourselves from an uncaring world... because nobody cares. I don't find this particularly relevant.

Re: Nobody Cares

#39

The first thing I do when interacting with someone who is providing me a service is ask them how their day is going. Why? Because no one does this (I'm in London), more often than not it really makes a positive difference to this persons day, i.e. they are genuinely shocked that someone gives a shit (I do by the way) and it doesn't cost me a single thing to do. I think it's something everyone should do.

> it doesn't cost me a single thing to do

This isn't true. It costs you several things, actually: time, at the most basic; some emotional investment, especially if you're like me and find talking to be outside your comfort zone, double plus when it's with strangers; and social regard, which we can hope is paid back but it's not guaranteed (the definition of a gamble).

People who aren't willing to make these expenditures won't ask. Indeed, they shouldn't ask, unless they're intentionally pushing their personal boundaries.

Just because you're wealthy in certain respects does not mean it's okay for you to tell other people to spend in those respects; they might be impoverished in those areas.

Re: Nobody Cares

#40
post #33
post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I think it's something everyone should do. Nah, i don't think so, because most people (me included) wouldn't actually care and then it would devolve into meaningless politeness. I prefer that only the people (like you) who actually care signal that they care.

I think he meant that everyone should care, not just that everyone should say the words. I guess its really up to you whether you want to do it or not, but it is a pleasant attribute

Actually, if you do certain things while saying the words, it will help make you care.

There are two things you need to do:

(1) say it intentionally. Pay attention to how you say it, and deliver it earnestly with your head up and be prepared to

(2) listen to the response. Give due consideration to the answer and don't dismiss it. This is a window into someone else's life: treasure it, regard it with curiosity, but not intrusively.

Most people will start actually caring about the other person as a result of doing this a few times.

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